Five Reasons Miami Deserves Super Bowl L More Than Any Other City

Categories: Sports

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Devin Peppler
T.D. cannot believe they'd give the Super Bowl to anybody but Miami.
Later this month, the NFL will announce the site of Super Bowl L, marking the 50th anniversary of the mega-sporting event. In the running to host are Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New Orleans, Arlington, Texas -- and, yes, Miami.

While Miami has always been an NFL favorite location for Super Bowls -- ten times to be exact -- recent political shenanigans have put the city's contention in doubt. Specifically, the Miami Dolphins' (mainly owner Stephen Ross') attempt at scamming $200 million to renovate privately owned Sun Life Stadium. It was sort of like wanting to get your house painted, making your neighbor pay for it, then trying to make him feel better by telling him that it gave a painter a job.

We'll keep our money out of a billionaire's pockets, but that doesn't mean that Miami should automatically lose out on a Super Bowl bid. Everyone already knows what makes us so great: sunshine, South Beach, record numbers of imported prostitutes, year round bikini-wearing availability. The other cities bidding for Super Bowl L don't even come close.

But this isn't something the NFL doesn't already know; it's why Miami is in the running for the Super Bowl year after year. So let's not talk up our lovely hometown, but take out the competition by shining a laser pointer on the other bidding cities' flaws like we're hazing a group of freshmen women trying to rush a Tri-Delt sorority.

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Wikimedia CC
Los Angeles
In what crazy world does a city without a football team even think they've earned the right to host a Super Bowl? While they're considering L.A. why not Tuscaloosa, Alabama, or Kalamazoo, Michigan? Why not London, Cairo, or Tokyo?

Plus, if history shows anything about Los Angeles' history with football, it's this: As soon as the game starts, the seats will either be empty because everyone will be too busy occupying bathroom mirrors (both for reflective and cocaine holding purposes) or it'll immediately be moved to St. Louis or Oakland.

Plus the "pretty crowd" factor will be even worse than a Miami Heat game. Except at least the American Airlines Arena gets filled with curvaceous Latina beauties, while a Super Bowl in L.A. would just be a bunch of flat-assed pornstars.



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8 comments
david
david

Ric, could you have included a few more tedious clichés in the article? Jesus.

Same outmoded junk you see written about Miami ("nobody speaks English, old people, hurricanes, bla bla bla) all the time.

Every city on that list has its pluses and minuses. Just like Miami. And the 305 really isn't all that unique and special. Have you ever lived anywhere else? 

mfl1926
mfl1926

As someone who had the horrible misfortune of growing up in Seattle I found the MNT's description to be pretty accurate, except for "February in Seattle is cold, rainy, and overcast." It's actually that way year round. 

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

Your arguments has convinced me that the Super Bowl should be given Permanently to Dallas

Alex Anico
Alex Anico

want the super bowl? PAY FOR RENOVATIONS.

Alan Moreno
Alan Moreno

Wow.. You really should do more research. The Dallas stadium is paid with some tax payers money. I also notice this article is written by a liberal journalist.

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