Four Reasons Why Rebound Dating Is More Dangerous Than You Think
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Have a question for Nikki? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Breaking up is hard to do. And it seems like people rarely offer the right amount of sympathy towards someone who is going through a recent split. One day you have your life all planned out with this person, and the very next day you're left alone with no road map or instructions. It's not an easy place to be.
After a breakup, it takes time to bring your ex down from that pedestal you created in your mind, in order to see the situation from a healthy and realistic perspective. In other words: you need time to heal.
But healing requires vulnerability. And who wants to be in that position, publicly nonetheless? It almost feels shameful. Instead of working it out with ourselves, we do our best to numb ourselves in any way possible.
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The voices in our head that keep telling us we suck for not being able to keep yet another relationship are so strong that all we want to do is drown the volume. So we'll try drinking a little too much, partying a little too much, working a little too much, and dating a little too early -- AKA rebound dating.
Rebound dating seems innocent at first. But if you do it long enough without being aware of what you're actually doing, this coping tactic can be just as dangerous as hitting LIV three nights a week. And here's why.
1. You're Delaying the Process
Let's be honest: You don't want to be single. You want to move on and find a well-rounded partner who is going love you for who you are -- and for the long haul. That is understandable, and you deserve it. But getting too close to a new person too fast after your last relationship is just delaying the process for you.
Instead of pretending that you're totally fine, and this new person is totally the one (even though you've dated him about four times, and every time seems to be after a breakup) what you really should be doing is taking a breather -- alone. Yes, this is scary because it means you'll be left alone with those mean voices in your head, but once you overcome them -- with time, compassion, and a sense of humor -- you'll be in a much better place where you'll be attracting a better caliber of person. That's what you want, isn't it? A better relationship than the last? Then give yourself the gift of healing time.