Critical Mass Afterparty to Commemorate Miami's 117th Birthday

Categories: Culture

bikes small.jpg
At 117, Miami is looking damn good for her age. Sure, she's gone under the knife a time or two, but who hasn't? And to celebrate her upcoming birthday, you can live it up at tonight's Magic City Bike Party.

The Critical Mass after-bash at Grand Central Park will host a tribute to our gracefully aging city with food trucks, beer, music, fire dancers, and all kinds of other festive fun.

See also: Critical Mass Friday: Five Places to Rehydrate and Replenish

In addition to music (à la bicycle sound systems), a skate park, beer, and cupcakes, there'll be fire breathers, stilt walkers, and other daredevil-esque performances courtesy of Dangerfun Sideshow.

As far as edible options, food trucks will include Ms. Cheezious, Latin Burger, Health Nut on Wheels, and MexZican. "There will be beer for sale on draft and cans," says Rydel Deed of the Miami Bike Scene.

"This is the inaugural event, and it will most likely be a monthly party following every last Friday of the Critical Mass ride. It's not a food truck rally, just an afterparty for Critical Mass riders with food and drink options," Deed adds.

And rightly so. Twelve miles on two wheels is cause for major refueling.

The Magic City Bicycle Collective will also be on hand with a repair stand, music, and T-shirts. You can learn how to change a tire or grease up those gears from these folks.

The party kicks off at 8 tonight, after Critical Mass, at Grand Central Park. Admission to the event is free, and all bar proceeds will go toward improvements and maintenance of the park.

So board those bikes and show Miami some birthday love.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

Location Info


Grand Central Park

700 N. Miami Ave., Miami, FL

Category: General

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

...Could. "Clint" Eastwood. Possibly Be Competing With "Captain Kutchie

Pelaez" For The Position Of "The World's Most Interesting Man"..

Perhaps?...But Then Again Perhaps He Is Just Waiting For "Kutchie Pelaez

and Frankie Valli" To "Make His Day"!...Ha, Go Figure!....


Heard A Few Years Back That Megyn Kelly Of Fox News, Really Loved Her

Some Of Captain Kutchie’s And Anita Pelaez’s Famous Key Lime Pies! Could

That Make Megyn “The Most Interesting Lady In The World?….I Guess "NO"

On That One, That One Would Have To Be "The Lovely --Mrs. Anita Pelaez"

The Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World!

….I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for everyone to

see some of “Don Rickle's Scenes” from his productions of his classic hits

“Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You Do know that Don Rickles and Johnny Carson

together produced those comedy hits about their friend “Mr. Kutchie

Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of Kutchie’s Key West and The

World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective of (Johnny Carson, Don

Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!) What a Hoot Those

Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to tune-in next

month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny Movies. “The Tales

From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be Available In A

Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck.

You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie

Pelaez”..The Most Interesting Man In The World! Did You Know That

Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called

“Kutcharitas”.?. There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers.

And Much Stronger To Boot!

….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In

1857, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked That One! “Yankee Jack and Micheal

McCloud Now Have Reason To Write Another Song.

….Hell, We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A Little Over

A Few Months Now! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard,

Just People?….Go Figure……

….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key

Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All

They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach

They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working

Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First

Bite”. Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….Isn’t She

Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita Pelaez”

Well She Is Something Else!….

….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Some Big-Shot Like That?

….It’s No Wonder That People Are All Calling Him “The Most Interesting Man In The World”,…Big Girls Don’t Cry…Do They?….

….Don’t Cha Just Love Em!?….We Sure Do!….It is A Well Known Fact
That "Captain Kutchie Pelaez" Knows Who Put The Bomp In The Bomp Shoo
Bomp Shoo Bomp And The Rama In The Rama Lama Ding Dong!.He Even Knows

Who Put The Dip In The Dip Da Dip Da Dip!...How Cool Is That?....

....a-good-1-4-u-2-n-joy-ok!..."Very Interesting"!....

...."Frankie Valli and Kutchie Pelaez"..Did Make-It As Big As "Frank Sanatra".

A Few Wise Guys They Certainly Were "Frankie Valli, Kutchie Pelaez and
Joe Pesci"!....Together "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight"!.....
....Mafiosi Wanna-Bee's. The Key Lime Pie "Wild Bunch". They've Got Everyone Shaking In They're Flip-Flops!....

....Eli, Be Careful, Don't Eat The "Cannoli's"!...They're Killer!....

....They Lived!...They Really Did!...Just Go Ask "Levi"!....


Don Rickles and Johnny Carson We remember watching the Tonight Show, (Years Ago) when Johnny Carson and Don Rickles were having another one of their Fantastic Shows Together. Johnny and Don were chatting about a movie that Don Rickles had made named "Wasting Away Again In Kutcharitaville". It was a Super Terrific Show to say the least, both of them started talking about Kutchie Pelaez and his World Famous Restaurant called Kutchie's Key West Kutcharitaville Cafe. About his Famous Goody Goody Cheese Burgers in Paradise and how he had been serving them since the early 1970's. That's when Johnny Carson started telling Don about the famous key lime pies that Kutchie bakes. Don then preceded to tell Johnny that he too was "Addicted To Kutchie's Famous Key Lime Pies". That's when Ed McMahon hit Rickles from behind with a key lime pie, all over his bald head. Johnny, must have been planing it from the beginning, he sure set Rickles-up to take the hit. Oh my gosh, that show was just hilarious, it had all of us rolling in the floor for hours. They just don't make TV like that anymore. Those three were always great together. Don, Johnny and Ed. Any-Who, could anyone here please tell me just when that "Kutcharitaville Movie" came-out? Was it in the 70's or was it in the 80's? We just can't seem to find any information about it. It's like it just Disappeared, like Johnny and Ed did. Thank God, we still have Don Rickles. We remember the days back when we spent many of our days "Wasting Away Again In Kutcharitaville". I am sure that many of you do too.


Miami Bike Scene has done such a great job in getting the community together in a fun, healthy way. 


Hello Ladies, Please Take A Few Minutes And Enjoy My True Stories About The Wonderful World Of Key Lime Pies As Well As The Magic Of The Most Beautiful And Gorgeous...“Mrs. Anita Pelaez”... Wife Extraordinaire And The Beauty Queen Of The Key Lime Pie World....“Oh”, What An Honor That Must Be....

Elwood Blues Here,

“AAHHH”, Yes, May Each One Of You Enjoy Your Very Own Key Lime Pie Baked by The Lovely And Most Gracious,…Mrs. Anita Pelaez and Her Handsome And Dashing Husband ….The World Famous Deep Sea Underwater Diver And Treasure Explorer And Hunter Extraordinaire Captain Kutchie Pelaez...Together The Proud Owners Of Asheville’s Own ..."Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key Lime Pie Factory And GRILL, Conveniently Located Near The Biltmore House And Estate In That Beautiful City. That's Known As Heaven On Earth Whenever Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Anywhere Near... “AAHHH",.. The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her KEY LIME Pies... Voted The Country’s Favorite Key Lime Pies For The Past 37 Consecutive Years!

…..That Babe Can Bake Me A Pie Anytime She Wants Too.

For You Guys, Listen Up Here!
You’re Ladies On In Extra High Heat Mode "Easily", Just By Seducing Her
With “Anita Pelaez’s”... Ultra-Sexy Key Lime Pies!..You Know The Pies That Her And Her Famous Husband Kutchie Have Been Baking The For Last 40-Years Over At Their Key Lime Pie Factory Near the Biltmore House and Estate In NC.,..Yeah, That’s The Ones, You Dirty Minds! (Shame On You.)

Anita’s World Famous Key Lime Pies Will Light Her Candle And Make
Her Hard To Handle. Guaranteed That She Will Get A-Hold Of You’re Handle Too….Your Boy Elwood Here Says,….”AAHHH”, The Magic Of Anita Pelaez ..And Her Key Lime Pies!

“Yeah”, You’ll Be “AAHHH-ING” Too!…So Put Your Faith In Anita’s Pies.
In Other Words... "Keep The Faith Baby".


Is what they are all saying true about how eating those World Famous Key Lime Pies Baked In The Carolina Mountains By The Former Miss Florida USA And High Fashion And Swimsuit Model …”Mrs. Anita Pelaez”, ….Surely Everyone Has Heard Or Read By Now That Consuming Her Wonderful Key Lime Pies Has The Ability To Cause The Male Penis Length To Increase 50% Or More. And The Girth Of The Erect Male Penis To Increase To Six-Inches AROUND!….”WOW”, And Add To The Fact That Her Pies Have Been Known To Make Males Multiorgasmic /One Orgasm One After Another With Little Or No Reflationary Period In Between Ejaculations Is Nothing Short Of Awesome!. Why, It’s A Miracle If You Ask Me.. "HELL" It's A Miracle If You Don't Ask Me!..Anyway, You Can Count Me In On That,… That’s For Damn Sure!,….Mrs. Anita Pelaez Is Surely The Undisputed Queen Of Key Lime Pies That’s For Sure……

Yes, There Was A Time For Decadent Key Lime Pies. Pies made And Baked With Love And Caring With The Original Family Recipe Just Like Grand-Ma And Grand-Pa Baked Back In The 1920'S In Old Key West. And Do You Know What?....That Time Is Now At…..”Anita and Kutchie Pelaez's" Key Lime Pie Factory And Grille’, Conveniently
Located In Asheville, NC., Near The Biltmore House And Estate….Yes The First Lady Of Key Lime Pies,..”Mrs. Anita Pelaez” Named Her Latest Book..“For You’re Pies Only”.

…Count Us In Darling, Sweetheart, Please Wrap-Us Up A Dozen Pies
To-Go!…We’re Gettin The Band Back Together……………..

I Know That Your Not Going To Believe This When You First Read It.
Don’t Worry, I Didn’t Believe It Either At First. My Dear Wife Insisted
Or As She Said, That She Was Going To Cut Me Off. Now I Like My Nooky As Well As Anybody But When She Starts talking About Cutting Me Off. Well, Lets Just Make A Long Story Short, If You Want To Continue Eating At The (Y), Then You Had Better Listen To What Mama Is Whispering Into Your Ear. Get The Damn Pies, Enjoyed Them With The Little Lady And Die A Happy Man. End Of Story.

People, If You Want To Have A Lot More Sex, And Who Doesn't? Then
You Need To Start Eating A Lot More Of Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key
Lime Pies! They Work Every Darn Time!

…One Eyed Willie…Smooth Willie…Be Good Willie!…Elwood Blues…Darling,..Don’t Go Breaking My Heart!

Honey, What’s the number to the Key Lime Pie Factory?…We’re Out Again!

The World Famous Captain Kutchie Pelaez Of Key West. "Kutcharitaville". Fame Was Recently Spotted Down In Old Town Key West At Sloppy Joe's Bar Partying With His Old Compadres,...Captain Yankee Jack Of The Bull Fame,...Micheal McCloud Of Schooner's Wharf Fame...Captain Tony Tarracino Of His Own Saloon Fame,...Jimmy Buffett Of Margarativille Fame,...Captain Teri Levi Of Lum's Fame,...Missing Was The Late Great Mel Fisher....Also Missing Was The Late Great Treasure Hunter Captain Roger  Burleson And The Late Great Roger "Moon Dog" Turner.,..The Famous Group Of Compadres Were Said To Be Drinking Doubles And Causing Just Lots Of Some Mild-Kind Of Troubles, But Nothing The Waitresses Couldn't Handle. It Seems That All Of The Team Mates Were Wearing..."Captain Kutchie T-Shirts!...We Were Wondering Where They Might Have Gotten Those T-Shirts?..."HUMM" You Don't Think It Was From.....?.?.?.........

Kinda Like Captain Kutchie Says... "I Bet You Can't Say Happiness With Out Saying Penis".

I Guess No Key Lime Pie Story Would Be Complete Without Saying,
"AAHHH", The Magic Of Anita Pelaez And Her Key Lime Pies...

You Know-...It's No Wonder That She's America's Sweet Heart!

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

I have had it with these arrogant, self-absorbed, a-holes.  They want drivers to respect them on the road?  Fine.  

Pay for a License plate like we do. 

Pay for a Driver's license like we do. 

Require them to have insurance like we do.

Make the cops enforce the traffic laws they so commonly ignore. 

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 The reason why drivers need licensing and insurance is because motoring is responsible for 38,000 deaths a year and hundreds of millions in property damage. The bicycle is just not capable of that much death and destruction. 'Arrogant' and 'self-absorbed' to me sounds like someone that can't handle thousands of their fellow Miamians out enjoying their city in relative safety ONCE and month for an hour.

There is a reason why no country on the planet imposes such onerous requirements on a benign and healthy means of transportation like bicycles - it's because it's completely necessary and a total waste of money and resources..

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester The reason why drivers need licensing and insurance is to pay for the roads we use.  We also pay Gasoline tax and tolls.  Bicycle riders contribute ZERO while causing traffic and aggravation.

Tell me they are "benign" the next time I am stuck behind some Spandex wearing douches riding 3 wide, blocking my way on Old Cutler Road when there is a Bicycle Path that my Tax dollars paid for.


Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@needs_to_be_more_organized @Anthonyvop1  

Actually driving is a right.  only driving on public roads is a privilege.

And yes there are morons on both sides but the percentage is much higher on the cyclist side.  You see they trust that state and local laws will protect them and they refuse to acknowledge the only law that really matters.....the law of physics.


@Anthonyvop1 lol you act like driving is a right, driving is a privilege like wise is cycling 

you have to face idiots and morons violating the traffic laws both on a car or a bicycle everyday 

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 @cpchester "The average U.S. resident actually pays anywhere between $2 and $0.90 less than the actual market value of gasoline because of government subsidies."

So yes. And by the way, you seem like a limited government, right wing type. So why are you cheerleading for more government in the licensing of cyclists? Do you realize that bicycling is an inherently conservative activity? And there is absolutely nothing inherently conservative  about driving an automobile? Read the Conservative Case for cycling:

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester Most heavily Subsidized?

HAHAHAHA  Like Solyndra?  Like Fisker?  Like Tesla?

In your world because we pay less gas tax then those morons in Europe it means it is subsidized?

Holy crap!  

We also pay the highest Corporate tax rate on the planet.  How does that fit into your entitlement agenda?

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 @cpchester Because driving is the most heavily subsidized transportation activity on the planet given it's external costs, and the fact that user fees don't even begin to pay for it all. You are so blinded by your own tailpipe you don't realize everything about driving from the roads to the fuel, is all massively subsudized. We actually pay some of the lowest gas prices on the planet because of all the artificial subsidies thrown in to make it cheap. If we paid the real cost of fuel without subsidizing it to higher levels that even socialist countries, you'd see even more people on bikes.

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester Driving miles are down slightly recently due to the Obama recession (High taxes + High Unemployment + High Fuel prices tend to keep people at home).  Auto sales are going up and once the economy rebounds you best get out of the way. 

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester @Anthonyvop1 Only an Left-Wing, Anti-Business, Leech would consider the ownership of a car an economic loss.

Seriously?  How is the manufacture, distribution, sale, maintenance and upkeep of a product that ranges from $15 to 100's of Thousands of dollars a Loss and a product you can buy at Wal-Mart for $125 a gain?

Please explain that to me.

I will even forget that the report was created by a bicycle manufacturing group

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester @Anthonyvop1 And so are more cars and people behind the wheel who are getting fed up with the attitude of people like you and vote.

.......The days of politicians catering to special interests and entitlements will soon be coming to an end. 

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 @cpchester You should stop being so angry because bicycles aren't going anywhere. In fact, there are more people riding for transportation, fun and health every single day. 

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester Think what ya want.  At least I am not a pretentious, wannabee, hipster who is a leech on society like you.  

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 @cpchester Dead giveaway that anyone who uses the term 'avid cyclist' is almost certainly not.

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester @Anthonyvop1 Cyclist only pay for our roads with a small sales tax when they purchase their bikes.....That is it.
They cause traffic and accidents.

They waste time of others with their hobby.

They constantly violate traffic laws.

Then they have the unmitigated gall to act like they are somehow better.   Your not.  you are pretentious jerks and a drain of society.

The best thing is I am an avid cyclists but I respect others. I only ride on side streets with little or no traffic.  I respect all laws(Yes I stop at all stop signs) and I move off the road ASAP when a car comes up behind to let them pass.

It is obvious by your entitlement attitude that you don't.  

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 You sound quite arrogant. The fact is roads are a public good, to be used by the public and paid for by the public which they are. Cyclists DO pay for the roads as I've repeatedly told you. The reason why drivers pay additional taxes is because they impart additional impacts on the roadway and environment! Isn't that pretty obvious? And if you were truly as productive a member of society as you claim to be, you would not spend so much time on roads clogged with cars idling in traffic, as they are every single day. Roads clogged with cars = being productive but riding a bicycle isnt? You need you head checked.

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester Ignorance is Bliss for you.  Florida has a state Gasoline Tax that goes to pay for Florida roads and.........Miami-Dade county has a Local Gasoline tax for local roads.

It doesn't matter how much of the money is directed.  The fact is Cyclist get a FREE RIDE while causing traffic and aggravation along with violating ,many traffic laws.

Whenever you have to slow down for a cyclist it costs me gas and time.  And by being a productive member of society my time is money.

You want to play......You should have to pay.

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 The federal gasoline tax, once again, only goes to fund the interstate highway network - where bicycles are not allowed. Even that fee only accounts for less than 50% of the funding needed to maintain the entire system because it hasn't been raised since 1993 and is not adjusted for inflation. The relatively small fees from licenses don't even cover the administrative costs of operating the Department of Motor Vehicles, let alone using any of that funding for roads.  The Rickenbacker tolls do go toward maintenance of the various bridges and  guess what - it's not the bikes causing the wear and tear causing the bridges to be replaced. It's the thousands of 2 ton vehicles pounding it every day. If anything, the county should be encouraging more cyclists to ride for transportation so they would not have to replace bridges and roadways so often.

Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

@cpchester Are you stating that the Taxes levied through Tags and licenses do not contribute to the building and maintenance of roads?  How about the Gasoline tax? 

The fact that many cyclist also have cars is immaterial to the debate.  Using that argument a Limo or a bus I ride in shouldn't have a tag or be licensed because I own some cars.

One of the best places to view cyclists at their worst in Miami-Dade County is on Rickenbacker Causeway.....A TOLL ROAD.

cpchester topcommenter

@Anthonyvop1 This is another classic misunderstanding that comes up frequently. 'Roads' are not paid for by licensing and insurance fees. They are paid for by general tax funds that overwhelmingly come from property, sales and income taxes - taxes that every citizen pays in some fashion. The vast majority of roads that are tolled are limited-access highways, which cyclists can't use anyhow. And bicycles impart virtually no damage and wear and tear on the roads, unlike 2,500 lb vehicles. Not to mention, most cyclists you pass on the road are also drivers. Have you ever considered that? You're misguided and shortsighted opinion is somewhat common, but quickly and easily debunked by anyone that has the slightest idea on how roads and infrastructure are paid for and maintained.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault