Real Housewives of Miami, Episode One: Marriage, Martinis and How Miami Herald Ruins Lives

Categories: Celebrities

Bravo TV
Adriana de Moura, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, and Alexia Echevarria. Did we ever think we would feel genuine concern about these five ladies' lives? Of course not. But we've gotta make a full-blown confession: we love the Real Housewives of Miami, and we aren't ashamed. Our ladies have three seasons under their belts, got a dramatic promo for the latest, which premiered last night, and it seems they aren't the black sheep of Bravo anymore. One small step for Miami, one big chunk of brain cells lost for all mankind.

Just in case you need a refresher, the show opened with a recap of season two in 1 minute or less. We can do it in five key moments:

1. Ana believes Lea got where she is today because of work she did on her back. If those diamonds are earned on your back, then our scoliosis is most definitely going to be acting up with the amount of work we plan on putting in.

2. The only mission going on in the House of Hochstein is Mission: Baby Making

3. Adriana and Lea= BFF. Or at least they were... stay tuned.

4. Romain and Joanna's problems are so #FirstWorld. Honestly, could they be better looking?

5. Mama Elsa is everything. The end.

As you may have noticed, Marysol Patton and Ana Quincoces have been cut from the credits. Yet, they both make appearances in the first ten minutes of airtime. Basically, they are in a on and off again relationship with the Real Housewives. But there is one lady who is fully back in action: Alexia, aka Cuban Barbie.

There's one more character, too -- one we couldn't help but notice didn't have a tag line. It's the Miami Herald. We mean, they are a center part of this show.

In season two, Karent "The Teeth" Sierra's Herald interview tore up the group one quote at a time. This time around, the paper is breaking the news that Miss (or should we say Mrs.?) Adriana has been technically married for five years. Joanna, her private jet and her brand new Jaguar from Romain loved every minute of that story. Adriana, on the other hand, did not.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
frankd4 topcommenter

in MIAMI where perception becomes reality the truth is time will take it's toll and younger and younger "hosewives" will invade the scene and ALL the women feministas will complain what D O G S men are for trading in their high-mileage wives for barely legal newbies

the problem as i see it for these women is their fifteen minutes may become lucrative but the end result is always the same

it's why GOD made these women so vapid and why BIG PHARMA makes vicoden


Why do they include 'real' in the title of the show when it definitely is not ?   Am I the only one that does not watch this crap ? 

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault