Ten Signs You've Lived in Miami Too Long

Categories: Lists

leave_miami_flickr_phillip_pessar.jpg
Phillip Pessar/Flickr
This dude definitely needs to check his perspective.
Miami is a beautiful city, a corrupt metropolis, a straight-up strange place full of weirdos. It's a diverse, messed-up, exotic destination. No wonder the tourists always look so shell-shocked.

Hell, even if you call Miami home, it's easy to lose yourself here. And that's not always a good thing.

Face it: Too much time spent in this city has the potential to change a person. It might change you for the better; you'll probably pick up some Spanish, for instance, if you weren't raised speaking it. But it might also give you a few bad habits -- and we're not talking about just hookers and yeyo.

If you find yourself exhibiting any of the below symptoms, it's probably time to get out of town.

See also: Ten Signs You're a Miami Art Snob

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Sh4rp_i/Flickr
10. You've forgotten where the turn signal is.
It's the number one complaint about Miami drivers: Nobody uses their damn blinker. What outsiders don't know is that to most Miamians behind the wheel, the turn signal is a sign of weakness; alert other drivers of your intentions to change lanes, and they'll speed up to block you. It's a way of life down here.

You can be forgiven for eschewing the turn signal in favor of highway equality. (Hell, the cops don't seem to give a shit.) But if you've forgotten how to turn the thing on in the first place, it's probably time to drive yourself straight outta Miami for a reminder of how roadway etiquette is supposed to work. The good news is you won't have to go far; somewhere between Miami and Orlando, people start driving with a conscience again.

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TexasDex/Wikimedia Commons
9. You own one or more pairs of Uggs.
Like any other art form, fashion is judged partly by its context. And if you're wearing Uggs in Miami, sorry, but the context is sweaty feet. Even if you grew up in Miami, there are maybe -- maybe -- two or three weeks a year when your feet are comfortably cozy in Uggs. And if you're the kind of person willing to pay upward of $150 for footwear you can't even use for a full month, that paints you a different shade of ugly. Pack up those boots and go to Aspen until you remember how great it feels to wear flip-flops.

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36 comments
RickMadrigal
RickMadrigal

Ciara LaVelle, If your objective was to write comedy then this article was mission accomplished. However, it seems for a local paper you've hit a very negative tone when it comes to a melting pot diverse cultures that has come together from all over the world to create one of the greatest cities in a country that open it's doors to all.  Your great divide is no longer THE BROWARD County with South Florida's population growth of people in recent years from Latin America like Venezuela,  Colombia and Brazil and Weston seems more multicultural than ever. Wasn't the Marlin's stadium idea sold to the general South Florida public by local media? Rather than accuse the locals of acceptance, don't you think that the responsibility of holding those responsible for this fiasco goes back to local media? Just my two cents and by the way,  we in Miami love our tourist! :-)

Alquiler-Barco-Ibiza
Alquiler-Barco-Ibiza

MIami beach and especially South Beach are real islands in the 305 area, and not just physycally but also socially. I studied in UM as an exchange student and we loved it everytime we went to South Beach. People there is definitely different in may ways, but that's part of its charming. In December I am planning to go but this time by sailing boat from Spain to the Canary Islands, then Martinica, and last stop Miami. Can't wait!

johnblaze
johnblaze

and when you notice that there is no more locals in miami beach. time to leave

Odysseus Duran
Odysseus Duran

Miami es una pinga envuelta en lana... Que peste!! Fana por todo los lugares!! LMAO!!

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

we must understand that the "Chinese Bike/Burro To Gas Powered Vehicles" transition, is quite a daunting task... To that cat who claims that in NYC, they don't use blinkers: MAYBE UPTOWN, but if caught acting stupid or driving recklessly, guess what? THEY'LL GET THEIR FINES IN THE MAIL, IF CAUGHT IN A CORNER CAMERA (yea, those same cameras "Boleteros" and Hialeans, marched to have brought down!!). Please, Miami drivers are the worst, as long as they don't venture north of County Line Road or Monroe County.

Dirk DeSouza
Dirk DeSouza

Where's "Everyone is an alcoholic, recreational drug user who goes out 6 nights a week, thinks about sex 24 hours a day, dances around hotel pools to shitty house music in bikinis 52 times a year, and if they're not, and if they don't, they're weird"? I guess that got edited out for the turn signal one.

JorgeGeorge
JorgeGeorge

That bro is over dressed for Haulover...

Daniel DiMeglio
Daniel DiMeglio

don't miss this! I used to see this outside my apt on Collins ave almost every time I went to the beach. sad!

luxorganix
luxorganix

My English is not so good looking 

Ai-Quoc N. Heller
Ai-Quoc N. Heller

People don't use turn signals in NYC either...and they turn right from the left turn lane...lived there for 3 years and witnessed the foolery myself so don't think it's just Miami...lived in Miami for 5 years and never had issues with driving...

Selma Moon
Selma Moon

also if you use cuss words while writing an article in Miami New Times lol

Viv Ian
Viv Ian

When I see one I automatically think " something's wrong"- it sure is a rare sighting in the 305

Xavier
Xavier

Broward County is now more ethnically diverse than Dade, and has been for years. The census data proves it.

Amazing how few seem to know this and still think of Broward as an 'Anglo' enclave. Speaking if which, a few hundred thousand more so-called 'anglos' would actually make Dade MORE diverse, not less.  

miamitrev2
miamitrev2 topcommenter

Lame article.

Starts with a weak premise...and goes downhill from there mentioning Uggs and forgving Jeff Loria.  What effing plant does the author live on?   About the only thing you got right is us thinking those from Broward are scumbags

mary.losada03
mary.losada03

partly true..also cant live without cuban coffee 

corinne
corinne

:-) I thought you were talking about Paris ! 

imsixftsix
imsixftsix

@Odysseus Duran Take your rotten pinga and leave...

suarezpatricia0
suarezpatricia0

@Odysseus Duran   Move out of here babe...move....nobody is asking you to stay...

suarezpatricia0
suarezpatricia0

@Dirk DeSouza   You must be living in the wrong neighborhood and the wrong company....  Go ahead move up north....Atlanta maybe????? lol!!!

jjaramil2285
jjaramil2285

@Robb Broad Spanglish may be the worst language ever "created". Let alone, the stupid accent..

suarezpatricia0
suarezpatricia0

@Robb Broad   Wait for the chinese to start moving to South Florida...they are already moving the big money!!!!

zdjoslin
zdjoslin

@Xavier Technically correct, but the problem with this is that it assumes that every Latino culture is the same...take for example an Argentinian and a Cuban...both check the same box on the census, but there is a VAST difference in culture. We may not be more ethnically diverse, but we are more culturally diverse. Far more of our population is born outside the US than in Broward.

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