Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Five: Galas, Gays, and G-List Stars

If we have learned one thing from Real Housewives of Miami, it's that we want to work for Lea Black. All it seems you need is a fierce Spanish accent, some sass, and no work ethic whatsoever.

And hey, if we can't be on her staff, we want to be Lea herself. That laugh, her access to $25 million dollar earrings -- we mean, we where do we sign up?

See also: Here's Real Housewives ' Adriana de Moura's Nude PETA Ad

Speaking of Mrs. Black, since season one, one of the biggest shit shows of the year is always The Annual Black Gala. In theory, Lea raises a ton of money to help underprivileged youth stay out of the court system. But hey bitches, this is Bravo, where nobody knows what's about to happen, and no charity event can go off without a tear or two.

The Gala's not the only ghost of seasons past who came back to say hello. A little gal named Miss Lauren Foster made her way back into our lives. Lets see: the last time everyone's favorite transgender queen was on the screen, she was verbally assaulting Elaine Lancaster, better known as our favorite drag queen. Really, does it get any better?

A little later, we meet up with a few of the ladies as they head off to Gay Polo. As a resident of Miami going on 10 years, are we the only ones who didn't know this existed? Really, we have obviously been hiding under some boring Heterosexual rock.

On the ride there, Adriana begins to explain that Joanna's fiance, Romain, had made her cry all night long. With that, she must keep her sunglasses on all day. Baby girl, last week we kept our shades on the entire time while getting our hair done at the salon. Not because we were up with a box of tissues. Because our appointment was at 10 AM and we had come back home about an hour before that. You're hungover, gal. Let's just call a spade a spade. Or a booze hound a booze hound.

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