Ten Miami Gay Guys You've Probably Dated
2. Mr. First Timer
Illegal activity isn't something you're really into. But when the new man of your dreams is still asking if the party is "18 and up," it's time to score him a fake ID. Mr. First Timer is barely legal and new to the gay scene, but you're willing to be the tour guide of his coming-out adventure. It's almost as if you are looking at Britney Spears circa ...Baby One More Time. Sure, you know he'll eventually morph into Mr. Circuit Party, but the journey is still a lot of fun. At least until he asks you something like, "Why are we using lube?" Who wants an amateur in the bedroom? As Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time for that."
1. Mr. Closet Case
He just happens to love Christina Aguilera and the color pink. He doesn't know how all of those charges at Mova on Thursday night ended up on his credit card. No, that isn't him in the pictures marching in gay pride; that's just his doppelgänger. Really. He swears.
Sound familiar? Of course it does; those are the excuses you hear Mr. Closet Case tell his parents two to ten times a day. This man is as gay as the day is long, but his family wouldn't know it -- or rather, they do know it, but no one talks about it. You'll never spend a holiday together. That's because his main fruit fly is used as a Christmas dinner decoy. Sure, the fact that he keeps you his secret sidepiece will become annoying. But look at the upside: There is no chance in hell he would ever ask you come over to his place. Think of him as Dominos: delivered to your home in 30 minutes or less.