Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Eight: Mama Elsa Patton Returns!

Technology has done wonders for our modern lives: the iPad, Skype, sexting. But if there's one major drawback to our brave new world of interconnectedness, it's this: that awkward moment when middle-aged folks fight over Twitter. They usually say something along the lines of "twat" instead of "tweet." And nobody wants his mom on social media anyway.

Unfortunately, not even Miami's Real Housewives are immune to the pitfalls of Twitter feuds.

See also: Smoking Hot Photos of Elsa Patton Before Real Housewives of Miami

We begin episode eight with the two newlyweds, Joanna and Romain, along with Adriana and Frederick, who are all going to sit down together and discuss their online woes like mature adults. Or at least like immature adults with reality show cameras pointed at them. But hey, we have always believed that any problem can be fixed over brunch, and last night's episode proved us right. Really, Obama should have just brought unlimited mimosas to the House of Representatives. There'd be no government shutdown -- just a few isolated blackouts.

Many of the men in our lives lament their need and longing for a hot wife. Hey, who doesn't want a dime on their side? But be warned, guys -- it can take a lot of work to keep your perky, perfect dream girl. Want to know who learned that the hard way? Dr. Hochstein, the plastic surgeon, who had to go in for plastic surgery. Let us be clearer: he had some lipo done. While we wanted to judge, we've gotta admit that as we squeeze our muffin top this morning, we wouldn't mind if this shit was gone. Lisa, give us a call please?

A wedding is a funny thing. It takes lots of time, money, etc. For Adriana, it takes four years of already being married, and then some marriage counseling from her pastor.

While in session, we learned some things: This is Adriana's not first, but third marriage. For Frederick, this is numero dos. We come to find out that perhaps some of Adriana's rage stems from her father's infidelity. Frederick, meanwhile, essentially wants to live in the French version of Leave It To Beaver. And we got to thinking: we have a friend who was only allowed to watch PBS growing up. She is now a PA on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. The lesson: Don't deprive someone of something they crave. Frederick lived without chaos and look where it got him. On a Bravo show crying about Twitter.

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