Real Housewives of Miami, Episode Nine: Birthdays With a Side of Bitchiness

Categories: Opinion

Our mother always told us, "Girl, your problems are no more important that anyone else's." And maybe that's true. But now that we have spent three episodes of the Real Housewives of Miami discussing Romain and Joanna's bedroom issues, we'd sure like to swap issues with the super-pretty newlyweds. Would that our every day was spent stressing over penetration vs. no penetration.

On the other hand, y'know who's starting to grow on us? Cuban Barbie, better known as Alexia. We aren't sure if she is 20 or 50, but it doesn't matter -- Madre is looking quite caliente.

In episode nine, we meet up with Alexia and Marysol to celebrate her birthday. How do those ladies get in the celebratory mood? By talking shit about Adriana's wedding, of course. But really - can you judge? Ms. de Moura essentially sent over a 10-page booklet of what she expects you to wear, how you should to act, etc. And let's not forget that this handbook included photos of what she needs -- yes, needs -- you to wear. Oh, housewives.... you are so very crazy.

Who doesn't love a gift, right? If perhaps you have received a gift lately, you probably thought to yourself, "How thoughtful!" Well, that was until you see that Lisa Black is casually bringing over Berkins to Lisa to make all of her purse dreams come true. This is only before she hands over Alexia's birthday present. "What did she give her?" you ask. The most thoughtful gift in the world, of course: the entire line of her skincare products. Hey - a little self-promotion is a little a self-promotion, right?

Your wedding day means a couple of things: booze, brides, and bundles of stress. We all handle said stress in different ways. Over at Camp Housewives, Lauren Foster, Adriana and Marysol head straight to the Dr. to get IVs of vitamins. We have never heard of this particular treatment, but hey, we aren't on Bravo either.

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It's "Birkin" a la the English actress Jane Birkin.

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