The Ten Worst Miami-Inspired Halloween Costumes
OMG you guys, did you know that people from Miami are all Botoxed, Spanglish-speaking club kids? Unless they're tourists, who are all cultureless walking sunburns from the Midwest. Or old people, who all wear hilarious old-people clothes like muumuus and knee socks.
Enough already. It's easy to think of Miami as a city full of stereotypes, but anyone who lives here knows that's not true. Distilling the Magic City into a laundry list of cartoonish archetypes isn't just insulting -- it's also boring. And that goes double on Halloween.
We get it -- you're looking for a costume this year that's both local and topical. But dressing as one of these tired Miami caricatures is not the answer. Here's why.
It's been more than half a decade since the "chonga" stereotype became internet famous, so if this is the most relevant and hilarious costume idea you've come up, it's probably best if you just stay home and hand out candy to 5-year-olds with more creativity than you. Bonus racist points if you're a white person trying to pull this off using a ton of bronzer, which is essentially the Cuban equivalent of blackface.
Old people are hilarious! If they weren't, they wouldn't have let Johnny Knoxville make Bad Grandpa, right? (It's funny because they're going to die soon.)
But aside from the fact that it's been done to death (uh, no pun intended), dressing up as a convincing old person is really difficult. Hollywood makeup artists spend entire careers perfecting the craft of creating realistic-looking wrinkles and gray hair on the sexy young actors who go slumming for Oscars each year. So no, you and your roommate won't impress anybody with gray eyeliner and a can of white hairspray.