Real Housewives of Miami Reunion, Part One: Ten Essential Moments You Missed

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Well, ladies and gents, we made it to the almighty reunion of Real Housewives of Miami. It's the episode we look forward to each season, and our ladies didn't disappoint... for once. So just in case you missed what Andy Cohen called "the best reunion he has ever been to," let us sum it for you.

See also: Real Housewives of Miami Finale: Joanna and Romain (Finally) Tie the Knot

1. These Bitches Have Made It
Shall we all remember the season one reunion of Real Housewives of Miami? What a ratchet production that was. There was no budget for an actual location, which is why they stuffed those bitches in the Watch What Happens Live clubhouse. And look at them now! Bravo flew all of them to New York City (probably in coach, but whatever) and even gave them a couple of dollars for weave. Honestly, we would shed a tear, but we have too much Botox to do so.

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2. Lea Speaks the Truth
"Some of what we are exposed to in Miami isn't real world." We want to disagree with this statement, but could she be more spot on?

3. Lisa Hochstein Is Delusional
"No one works in Miami," says Lisa. Um, we don't know about you, Lisa, but everyone we know works more than a hooker looking for a buck in Vegas. But we don't want to hate on Lisa for marrying the right kind. She doesn't work, and there is nothing wrong with that. Well, there is one thing wrong: why hasn't she found a man to take care of us yet? At least write a how-to book of "snagging a Dr. sugar daddy" already

4. Lisa and Joanna Are Over
Last week, all was well in Miami Housewives Land. Shit, we knew that wouldn't last long. They barely got off the plane back from Joanna's wedding before hating one another again. Who dislikes each other the most? That would be Mrs. Hochstein and Mrs. Krupa. Let's see: Joanna hates that Lisa is unemployed. Oh and the fact that is Lisa is an "immigrant" from Canada. Meanwhile, Lisa really just hates the fact that Joanna has kind of turned in a "see you next Tuesday" with crazy hair.

5. Real Housewives of Miami Don't Have Sex
Marysol says it's been since 1980 since she has had a penetration partner. Lisa and Joanna are essentially celibate. The oldest gal, Lea Black, has her husband, Roy, with a "chronic hard on." Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? But the real question is: what is going on with the rest of these chicks? Honestly?


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12 comments
Lisa Cove Smith
Lisa Cove Smith

What was Joana Krupa hinting at as the reason Lisa Hochstein can't get pregnant in the Final Episode Part 1 last night? Please don't say drinking/partying because that was clearly established! Thanks

Dan Supertramp
Dan Supertramp

I work AND I'm still more fuckin' fabulous than these useless ladies.

Maria Valle
Maria Valle

it definitely makes me appreciate how drama free my life is.

Maria Valle
Maria Valle

Oh my God i find this idiocity soooo funny

Bridget Doyle
Bridget Doyle

These cunts are awful humans. So embarrassing.

Cary Cary
Cary Cary

What a waste of space these women are...

Jeffrey Knight
Jeffrey Knight

Who is the blonde with the giant mouth and that cavity she calls cleavage?

Alex Pappas
Alex Pappas

no one in the circles she runs in, pretty factual. i mean, unless you call it work being on hands and knees

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