The Ten Worst Things About Working in Miami Retail

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Thanksgiving is over. Black Friday has come and gone. Christmas brought all kinds of gifts to Miami's girls and boys. But has your gluttony and deal grabbing been sated? Nope. Now it's time for the annual tradition of returning the stuff you don't want.

Every year, December rains an entire month of hellfire on those in the retail industry. The recipients of this widespread mania are the salespeople, the managers, and those poor greeters whose feet undoubtedly get trampled a couple times a day. In honor of this magical time of year, we present the ten worst things about working retail in the Magic City.

(A short note before the following spew of vitriol and sarcasm: The majority of retail customers, even those in Miami, are friendly and patient -- just not these assholes.)

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philosophygeek/Flickr CC
10. The Drunkies
"Theeeese are cuuuute," she slurs to her equally wobbly friend. "Aren't they CUUUUTE?"

Drunkies, or drunk besties, speak each sentence like drawn out hiss, with a hint of longing -- think Ka from The Jungle Book but with boobs, big hair, and a cocktail dripping condensation on the merchandise. Outdoor stores and gift shops are favorite spots for Drunkies. They've just consumed equal parts salad and vodka cranberry cocktails and are coming for you. Get ready for some duck faces, knocked over displays, and repeating yourself.

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gmilldrum/Flickr CC
9. The haggling
Perhaps it's Miami's cultural mix that makes it such a haggling hub, or maybe it's those pesky tourists trying to save a buck however they can. Whatever the reasons, tons of shoppers here won't stop badgering sales associates until they either get the lowest possible price or get kicked out of the store, whichever comes first. Fifty percent off and "final offer" don't cut it with these sales specialists. These fanatics need to stuff their ripped catalog pages back in their bags and take a breath. Though Dolphin Mall may seem a lot like a vendor-filled nuthouse, it's not an flea market. Show some restraint, coupon clippers.

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8. The know-it-alls
Many retail workers have come to know the nuances of the human face, all those squinted eyes and slight frowns and huffs of derision. These sunny looks usually accompany questions like, "Are you...trained for this?" and "Do you really know what I'm talking about?" and the even more condescending, "Maybe this nearby stranger can help me more than you, stupid child." OK, they don't usually say that last one, but they do seek advice from random people. Customer service varies wildly in Miami, but most of us didn't stumble into a store, pick up a name tag, and start greeting. We applied, were hired, and yes, were trained, and are now ready to help your unappreciative ass.


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29 comments
Miguel Armenteros
Miguel Armenteros

Man, i work in retail and sometimes i felt like asking Santa for a sniper rifle and a crap-load of ammo!!!! LOL Freakin' ignorant third-world bastards!

Cary Balcelo
Cary Balcelo

OMG LOL I went through all that in my 4 years at old Navy Dolphin Mall

MNTreader
MNTreader

Let's see. There is also the last minute shopper who gets mad because all the good stuff is sold out. Or who get mad when we're sold out of an item.


The person who doesn't know what they're looking for, I'm looking for the thing that goes in the thing with the other thing.".


The person who can't find the item when it's right in front of them.


The people with no common sense, they're looking for deodorant in the dog food section. Yes, the Old Spice is right next to the puppy chow. Or when it says, Sold on-line only, "Do you think the store in North Miami may have it?"


The person who can't put down their cell phone while you help them.


The people who don't move out of your way when you're pushing heavy stuff onto the floor. You can add this to the cell phone people.


The people who get mad when all the motor carts are being used. They have enough energy to be rude, throw a hissy fit, and curse but not enough to put one foot in front of the other and walk.


The morons who think the sales associate makes up the prices for products.


The super shady customer.The guy who buys a bunch of stuff, usually electronics, with a bunch of gift cards. You know something fishy is going on but can't do anything. 


And when you ask no one needs help but as soon as ONE person needs help then all of the sudden EVERYBODY needs help! I just ask and you said NO!





John Lara
John Lara

Nobody speaks english down there... I'd rather deal with an asshole who speaks english than some fucking retard who never bothered to learn

Heather Rogerson
Heather Rogerson

#7 was worded much too kindly! It's usually " you don't speak Spanish? I want someone that speaks Spanish you should learn" mind you they say it in English SMH !

Julia Andreasen
Julia Andreasen

Miguel Armenteros Robyn Argenzio Romana Ramirez they're missing quite a few people in this list, but it's a great start!

Nomejodas Pleez
Nomejodas Pleez

every city has rude as well as great ppl. so if u think that being offered a coldcut from your deli is third-world then you are just an asshole and do not deserve to live in my beautiful city. So GTFO of here!!! I luff ju MIAMI!!!!!

Michael Reginbogin
Michael Reginbogin

Please, shopping in this city and being on the receiving end is just as bad!

Alex Correoso
Alex Correoso

F.A.Q... ... "Well can't you just take it off the mannequin?...." ... "But the sign says two for $10..." (The sign also says graphic tees.... Not the blazers...) ...."Are you sure that's the price? Can you double check?..."

Millie Santana
Millie Santana

The person who wrote this article deserves an award! I love it! Miami is a third world country, I just moved back from living in the United States for over 10yrs. Boston to be exact, and I'm still trying to adjust after almost a year of being here. Something that I can't understand and it drives me insane, is when I'm buying cheese and cold cuts at the supermarket and people ask for a slice to "taste" what they're buying. Really?!? And it's not just one person, it's eeevvveeery body. They say that's what they buy all the time, but what it is with them? I don't get it! Miami is a clusterfuck!!

Frank Castle
Frank Castle

i work in retail in miami and i could write a book but ill just name a few annoying people: 1. when a customers says " im in a hurry, i have to pick up my kids" first off i dont give a fuck, i still tell them it will take a while 2. you have the fucking lazy customers that dont want to lift a finger and last but not least, you have the rude customers, this is where i have fun, i put them in their place so remember if your rude, you will get rude back.

Jeffrey Knight
Jeffrey Knight

My pet peeve in the 'burbs is that abuelos y abuelas and their kin drag the floor model off the shelf at the Westchester Wal-Mart instead of asking a stock clerk, a customer service agent or checking the company's "Site-to-Store" web-based service for item availability.

Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

The funny thing about "most courteous drivers in America" is that, once they venture out of Dade county, they turn into German drivers! So obscenely proper at the wheel...

Ed Morris
Ed Morris

I couldn't deal with this shit.

Carl Snyder
Carl Snyder

My top 5 reasons why Miami is America's "Renaissance City." 1. English really is a second language. 2. We have the most courteous drivers in America (not). 3. Our super patriotic residents! Flags on every car (too bad none are American). 4. We are the Medicare/Medicaid fraud capital of the U.S. and 5. Our lovely beaches; frequently closed b/c of fecal matter in the water (Caddy Shack anyone?)

Anthonyvop1
Anthonyvop1 topcommenter

What a bunch of arrogant tripe.

The 1st rule of retail.....  The Customer is ALWAYS right.   Which means all those whinny complaints are wrong.

My biggest complaint of Miami is the horrible customer service.  A retail associate with any of these complaints should be immediately dismissed and return to their previous position at the drive-thru.



Phil Ramirez
Phil Ramirez

Dealing with "Aspiring Afluents", is a daunting task...

falvarado10
falvarado10 writer

But if they take the position at the drive thru you won't have a job anymore.

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