Ten Tackiest Fashion Trends During South Beach Spring Break

Categories: Culture

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Photo by Ciara LaVelle
Don't come back.
James Franco put it best when he said, "Sprrriiiiinggggg breeeaaaakkkkkk."

Yes, a whole week to do nothing but get shwasted and be stupid. Spring break week (or month, depending upon how you experience it) is utter debauchery. Of course, no post-collegiate local would dare go near the sands of SoBe while insanity reigns, but we made a rare exception to check out some of the fashion that Miami's gift shops are putting out. If this trash represents the Magic City, it's no wonder people don't take us seriously. They really think life here is a music video.

Dear tourists: No one from Miami, or anywhere else on this planet, should buy a YOLO tee or wear said tee on a Duck Tour. This one goes out to you, bros. And hoes: Wearing next to nothing isn't bringing sexy back.

Here's what not to wear if you're in Miami, bitch, starting with that shirt.

See also: Is the Miami Heat the Most Fashionable Team in the NBA? Chris Bosh Talks Miami Style

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Carla Torres
Unless you're Trinidad James, you shouldn't be wearing all-gold errrthang. Who needs Yves Saint Laurent when you've got Y$L, right? We're pretty sure you're using those dollars to pop a molly and sweat. Seriously, a guy walking down the street in this ensemble with his iPhone bedazzled is screaming to get tomatoes thrown his way. Don't believe us? Just watch.

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Carla Torres
Screw snapback and tattoos. How about South Beach titties and tutus? This is the reason Ultra has a bad rap and 15-year-old girls are OK with the word "slut." Yes, Miami is hot, but under no circumstances is a tutu -- on any day other than Halloween -- really OK. Stay dressed, girls.


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15 comments
Sean BlueMango
Sean BlueMango

why does that shirt not work in any other city: I'm in Delaware Bitch. Nope! I'm in Vegas Bitch. Nope! I'm in Texas Bitch. Nope! It has ESL phonetics that befits MIA that's why.

Alex Coello
Alex Coello

Vanessa Maldonado Ruy Rodriguez page 2 has the shirt i told you i live witnessed. bro.

Ralphie Salas
Ralphie Salas

How about the big furry ugg boots that make your feet smell like corn chips?

John Viera
John Viera

Kate Moss would look great in all of that shit.

Susan Ortega
Susan Ortega

Isn't that the point of being in Miami in Spring Break??

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