Mercury Is in Retrograde: Here's How to Survive the Chaos
Bad news, everyone. Today is Friday the 13th. And it's a full moon. And the planet Mercury is in retrograde. In other words, shit is about to get weird.
NASA Godard Flight Space Center/Flickr
Mercury's retrograde is the universe's idea of a practical joke that goes on for three weeks and happens four times a year. What happens is that Mercury slows down and appears to stop; then an optical illusion makes it seem as if it's moving backward. All planets do this, but Mercury's halt and three-week chillout by the sun has a different sort of impact to us down here on Earth. Why? Astrologers say Mercury rules our ability to communicate and think clearly. It also rules our intelligence, mind, and memory. In mainstream society, that means it controls commerce, computers, telephones, travel, transportation, and anything having to do with relaying a message or thing from one place to another.
But that doesn't mean you should stay home like a hermit crab for the next three weeks. You just have to be a little careful. Here are some precautions to take, especially in Miami.
Actions and decisions during Mercury's retrograde can seem sabotaged, astrologers say, meaning you oftentimes have to repeat processes multiple times (even after Mercury goes direct) to get the outcome you wanted. Our recommendation? Avoid the following:
Going to the mall
Miami malls are already like Hell on Earth, so you can imagine what happens during Mercury's prank on telecommunication. Expect long lines, cash-register crashes, fights over price markdowns that were a "mistake," and regretting your purchases. That's if you even get to the mall in the first place. Miami already has the worst drivers in the nation. Now couple that with the planetary hoax and imagine trying to find a parking spot at Dolphin Mall on a Saturday. No thank you.
Going to work
We know what you're thinking: People in Miami work? Some of us unfortunately have to, but throughout the next three weeks, it might just be best to throw your papers up in the air and have an eff this attitude, because your computer is likely to crash, your emails will get lost in translation and fall into the email abyss, or you'll get into a quarrel with your boss over something you said but didn't exactly mean that way. At that point, the worst thing you'll want to do is point Mercury's retrograde out to your boss, especially if he's a skeptic. So to be safe, take as many days off as you can over the next couple of weeks and join the rest of the nonworking Miamians taking selfies at the beach on a Tuesday. YOLO.