Mercury Is in Retrograde: Here's How to Survive the Chaos

Categories: Lifestyle

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Social media
Repeat after me: "I am going to stay away from social media till July 1." Now stick to it, for real. Mercury in retrograde is a time when electronics, especially those we use for communication, go completely bonkers. Astrologists even go as far as to recommend backing up all of your files (remember your computer crashing at work) and being extra cautious when writing emails. Be wary of your big fat thumb accidentally liking someone's picture on Instagram who you don't even follow and just so happens to be dating your ex. If you don't even know how you got to her page in the first place, it's because you're not thinking clearly, remember? Save yourself the embarrassment and download RescueTime software to block "non-productive" and, in Mercury's retrograde case, damaging websites. (Cultist, of course, is still allowed.)

Summer travel
A few weeks ago, we told you to get out of Miami this summer because your relationship is at risk of infidelity due to global warming. Yeeeaaahhhh, that might want to wait till July 2. Turns out that traveling during Mercury retrograde is about the worst thing you can do. Expect flight delays (if you manage to catch your flight in the first place), lost luggage, and the traveler next to you on the plane to throw up on your new white pants. If you already have a trip planned, you might want to make some last-minute changes to your itinerary. It might not be so bad to deal with the hot, humid, and unpredictable weather of Miami for the next couple of weeks after all.

Spend too much quality time with your boo
Planning on moving in together? Wait. Get proposed to? Say no. Meet a cute and nice guy at the bar Friday night? Don't give it up just yet. We know it's hard to tell your head (and your body) no, but it's really for the best. No major decisions, remember? Just don't let on that you're "needing your space" because of some crackpot astrologers' theory. That might end your relationship for good.

Send your story tips to Cultist at cultist@miaminewtimes.com.

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15 comments
John Cara
John Cara

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Kelly Coffey
Kelly Coffey

I told you Khristina Lopez!!! Stupid mercury retrograde

Cary Gonzalez
Cary Gonzalez

Tsk, tsk NT.....copying astrologer's columns now?....LOL

Karina Trovato
Karina Trovato

So far so good... Olivia Ramirez Allende, but Soooo funny this post!! lol

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