Million Dollar Listing Miami Premiere: A Butt, a Bloodhound, and a 'Bot

Categories: Film and TV

million_dollar_listing_miami_cast_credit_bravo_media_alex_martinez.jpg
Bravo Media/Alex Martinez
The laws of supply and demand apply equally to real estate and reality television. In a marketplace saturated with options -- Kardashians, Real Housewives of Anyplace, etc. -- the value of each individual property is diminished.

So how can Million Dollar Listing Miami, Bravo's spin-off of its similar series in Los Angeles and New York that premiered last night, gain a devoted audience in the ever expanding, increasingly exploitative reality TV landscape?

Two words: naked ass.

See also: Million Dollar Listing Miami's Chris Leavitt: "My Guilty Pleasure Is Leaving Miami"

You wouldn't expect a reality show about real estate agents to show off the goods. But Chris Leavitt is not your average suit-and-tie agent, and he wants you to know it. Like, a lot. So much so that he strips down to take a bath -- one of 16 he takes daily, he drawls -- right there in front of the Bravo cameras. So yes, if you happen to catch the first five minutes of last night's premiere, you were treated to a hearty helping of white guy butt. That's roughly the same nudity ratio as Game of Thrones.

As Andy Cohen almost certainly squealed when he saw it, "Hell-o, moon over Miami!"

MDLMIA_ep1_leavittpurple.JPG
Jeff Daly/Bravo
Is it a cheap ploy to keep viewers watching? Sure. But this is Bravo, and this is Miami; we are not above cheap nudity. We are going to do whatever it takes to keep your eyes on your TV screen, the MDL producers seem to have decided. And Chris is totally on board. Of the three "stars" in the Miami cast, he's the one who's trying the hardest to be memorable. In addition to his 16 baths a day -- a number he rattles off without irony as he sips some freaky green juice in the tub -- he has also nicknamed one of his clients "Madame," spends a lot of screen time flopping dramatically onto various lounge chairs, and quantifies his biggest success in terms of plastic surgery.

"I sold a $34 million condo, the most expensive in Florida history," he says. "Do you know how many lip injections that could pay for?" Before you can speculate, he does the work for you: "A lot." Based on Chris' face, that would've been your answer anyway.

Chris claims his affect isn't, well, affected: "A lot of people will say, 'Is that acting or is it real?' It's actually real," he told New Times this week. That's not how he comes off, but whatever. No matter whether his over-the-top, easy-to-love-to-hate personality is fake or not, Chris knows it's making for Bravolicious television. He's easily the best and worst character on the show.

The same cannot be said for his co-stars. Samantha DeBianchi should be a hero to Bravo's largely female audience; she's the first female realtor in the Million Dollar Listing franchise. You would think this would make her a tough-as-nails glass ceiling-breaker who's not afraid of the word bitch. But you would be wrong.

MDLMIA_ep1_samdroopyface.JPG
Jeff Daly/Bravo
Samantha is a relative newcomer to the Miami market, she admits in the episode. But we see she already has the little dog and the Louboutins, so she's clearly done her research. Still, she insists, "I'm not a cookie cutter realtor," as b-roll of her standing in an upscale home wearing a giant Finding Nemo cartoon head plays. There is absolutely no context given for the weird cartoon cosplay. "I can't be in a box," she continues, and you believe her, because that giant fish head would never fit in your average box.

My Voice Nation Help
31 comments
Cole Hower
Cole Hower

Horrendously bad, didn't watch more than 15 minutes. Never again.

Teddy Solis
Teddy Solis

All the beautiful amazing sexy latin Miami women realtors and they pick Sam???? She tries way too hard... Recast her spot please....ugh

Cathy Orlando
Cathy Orlando

Yes, I love Million Dollar Listing, but as a Miamian, this one is a fail.

Patrick Garrett
Patrick Garrett

Horrible and embarrassing. Once again making Miami a big laugh.

007man
007man

Chad and Chris are not "upstarts". Chad sold over $200 million Estate sales in the last 2 years and was the highest earning Agent at his Brokerage last year. Chris sold over $120 million in 2013. So if you think they aren't premier Brokers, think again. And no I'm not affiliated with either one of them.

Dale Mack
Dale Mack

Terrible show. Very disappointing. Just three upstart realtors with oversized egos who want to be big shots. Of all the realtors and brokers here (and I believe the stats are that one in nine people have their real estate license) they couldn't get one with an established reputation? I mean there should be one Lea Black in the bunch. I'll watch but perhaps not for long.

Kristine Cecilia
Kristine Cecilia

My real estate company had a party for one of our developments and when I went I had no clue there would be cameras there. So I grab a drink and go outside to network, next thing I know snack dab in the middle if everyone, as awkward as it could possibly be. There was a camera crew filming this guy with dark hair (now I know it was Chris) speaking to someone I can't remember if it was the girl or the gay guy. He was doing such horrible fake acting. It wasn't a reality show at all. He stood there and over exaggerated an annoyed roll of the eyes as he spoke over, and over again. Like a rehearsed scene. And we all (the normal real estate people) just stood there completely grossed out by this dudes acting. I don't understand why they cal these shows "reality television" when there's nothing real about it except their names. I remember when the trailer for the show came on, I realized that's what was being filmed that night, and how fake that guy Chris in the shows sounds when he screams and throws a glass and says "We were supposed to close tomorrow!" Don't bother watching.

Michael Reginbogin
Michael Reginbogin

Terrible cast. These are not premier brokers and a poor reflection on Miami once again. Perhaps Fredrick from #MDLNY can give them some coaching? This is pieced together to make them appear successful but their personal homes are lack luster, one of them drives an old outdated entry level Mercedes and the drama queen is really overdoing it...

Paul Crespo
Paul Crespo

Fail. It's official - Bravo is tired.

Debbie Jones
Debbie Jones

Im sticking to the NY cast, gotta love Mr Puerto Rico Luis

Courtney KickPush Mitchell
Courtney KickPush Mitchell

Sam is funny, but the guys are kinda lame. The Queen is fuuny and that straight guy has a nice body. It fun taking a peek inside the buildings around us. I think it's going to be okay.

Erik Ace SobeArtist
Erik Ace SobeArtist

Yvette Recio rusians control south beach! mind you i have not seen the show yet but thats prob where the big deals are comming from

Dani Ela
Dani Ela

Fake show but love seeing the properties ❤️

Yvette Recio
Yvette Recio

Sam's character is awful. She's trying too hard to convince the viewers that she's this balls to the wall high roller when we all know her "company" is probably bank rolled by Daddy. And seriously the only time I see more than 2 Russians together is on a Bravo show. Donde estan Los Latinos????

Cts Limo Cts Limo
Cts Limo Cts Limo

Very fake show, ain't nobody buying anything in Miami, most of high end properties are for sale or rent but no one us buying except few foreigners the whole show is fake including the "realtors"

Kori Williams
Kori Williams

Haha how much were you paid to write this article? Give me a break.

Tony Prieto
Tony Prieto

Not one Latino in a show about Miami Real Estate, nice fake casting.

Jessica Dabee Neaves
Jessica Dabee Neaves

I think that what happens when don't get local agents that are not from Miami

dantevida
dantevida topcommenter

I wonder what her face looks like without all the filler and raccoon eye makeup.  All these people are totally creepy.

Jeff Beck
Jeff Beck

Horrendous. People and portrayal of Miami are a joke.

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Clubs

Loading...