Floatopia 2014: A Bizarre and Chill Day on the Waves

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Photo by Neil Vazquez
If, like the rest of us commoners, you couldn't afford a weekend getaway to East Hampton or Palm Springs, Floatopia was the bargain basement Labor Day extravaganza for you. I know what you're thinking. A bunch of sweaty, inebriated Miamians in neon swimsuits, strapped to child-sized inflatables purchased last minute at Toys-R-Us. What could go wrong?

Surprisingly not much. Despite what this town's critics have to say, this year's Floatopia went off without a hitch on Saturday, and bereft of any shivving.

See also: Photos from Floatopia Miami 2014 Labor Day Weekend Edition

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Free Events This Week in Miami: PAMM, Brickell Mixer, and 3D Selfies

Categories: Around Town

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Gastev Flickr/cc
This could be you.
Well hello, September. You elusive minx. We missed you and your (potentially) better weather. Summer flew by in a sweat-soaked blur. BUT IT'S ALMOST OVER.

In the meantime, here's some stuff to do this week, including Monday holiday perks.

See also: Flyboards and Hoverboards Hit Miami, Make Everyone's Superhero Dreams Come True

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Drag #Out at Gramps Is Gender-Bending Fun for Gays and Straights Alike

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Photo by Bomb POP
Ladies, let's get real. Going out is awesome, but those heels are fucking awful. Don't you wish there wasn't so much expectation to get so covered in make-up and squeeze into that tight dress every time you want to get your drink on?

Some of us love fussing over our ladylike appearance, but some of us feel actually quite trapped. It's time to break free and Drag #Out. This Friday at Gramps, Pandora Events and #Out Miami are giving everyone, regardless of gender or sexual identity, a chance to just be their damn selves, get drunk, and dance.

See also: Reading Queer: Literary Festival Explores '80s Gay Cruising Culture

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Floatopia 2014: Miami to Take Massive Ice Bucket Challenge on the Beach

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Photo by Laura Morcate
Gather your air pumps and red Solo cups, Miami. It's time for another Floatopia, the bi-annual celebration of beach, bikinis, and fun floats that make us all feel like boys and girls again.

This year's float fest at South Pointe Park has been challenged to take the ALS ice bucket challenge by the original Floatopia in Virginia Beach. A cringe-inducing task on the regular, Floatopia's event has hot sun, cool ocean, and BYOB booze to soften that freezing blow.

"I think (Miami) is a great venue because it's pretty, the water is right there," the event's organizer said. "At 3:05 p.m., everyone will grab a bucket, bring abuela's bucket, or your nephew's bucket -- hopefully I'll be able to provide the ice -- and we'll all do the ice bucket challenge."

See also: Floatopia Returns to South Beach! Top Five Tips for Successful Floating

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Phone Dad: A Discussion on Fathers and Familiarity in the Art World

Categories: Around Town, Art

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"Phone Dad was born of a desire to expand the standard art conversation a bit and expand it to [hopefully] do two things: make it more participatory, and draw in insights that [are] a bit outside of the fairly well-worn talking points that art talks often fall into." Cara Despain's roundtable discussion at Locust Projects this Thursday is the psychological staple of female adolescence when little princesses cease to be and become independent women.

Her discussion is a litmus test for where we generations divide us. Fathers have always been "squares." For all the oil changes, doll-house construction, and beating up on no-good boyfriends, there will always exist the questionable fashion choices, inability to function with certain technologies, and the befuddlement of halter tops.

Fathers will remain eternally unhip.

See also: Become a Mermaid at Locust Projects' Maritime-Themed Living Photo Booth

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South Beach Bike Week: Bikinis, Hogs, and Classic Rock

Categories: Around Town

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Photo by George Martinez
Even if a single drop of rain doesn't drop this beautiful Labor Day Weekend, Ocean Drive will thunder with the rumble of a thousand engines.

South Beach Bike Week is here again! And that means a one of a kind "Biker Village" on Ocean Drive between 8th and 10th streets. And the best part of all, it's free!

You can expect bands, DJs, awesome motorcycles, and more contests than you can throw a string of beads at. With that in mind, here's the full schedule for the fest.

See also: Florida Burlesque Festival To Bring International Striptease Artists to South Florida (NSFW)

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Free Events This Week in Miami: Everglades, Ikea Opening, and Volleyball School

Categories: Around Town

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Photo by Michael E. Miller
It's Monday. But on the brighter side of the worst day of the week, we're one week closer to Labor Day weekend.

And after Labor Day weekend, well, we can all pray temperatures drop below three digit RealFeel so we don't shrivel up and die in pools of our own sweat.

On that note, here's some free stuff to make the week fly. Enjoy.

See also: Herradura Invites Artists to Make Tequila Barrels Masterpieces for a Chance at $10,000

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Photographer Richard Sexton Coming to Miami to Discuss Latest Work, Creole World

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Courtesy of the Historic New Orleans Collection
Street scene near the Marché de Fer; Cap Haitien, Haiti, 2012; ©Richard Sexton, from "Creole World: Photography of New Orleans and the Latin Caribbean Sphere"
The concept of "Creole" is far more complex than most people who only had a passing interest in their 8th grade history courses might recognize. To most Miamians, it's a language spoken in Haiti and among the burgeoning Haitian population of the city. That's far too much of a simplification, even if you only want to look at Creole languages, which are defined in one Wikipedia line as "a stable, full-fledged language that originated from a mixture of two or more languages." And while that's a simplification as well, it should give you a sense of the greater scope of culture and people that the term "Creole" encompasses.

From the island of Haiti, to the parishes of New Orleans, to the mountainous villages of the Central American isthmus, the roots and tendrils of Creole identity in the Americas and the Caribbean have been growing and becoming more and more a part of their respective home cultures.

That process and the results thereof have been of great interest to Richard Sexton, a photographer and resident of New Orleans for almost 25 years, whose most recent work is called Creole World: Photographs of New Orleans and the Latin Caribbean Sphere. Saturday night, he'll give a reading at Books and Books in Coral Gables. New Times sat down and got acquainted with Sexton in order to get you acquainted with Sexton.

See also: Little Haiti Country Club Brings Community to Growing Art Scene, Won't Last Forever

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Miami Icons: Last Chance to Vote for Your Favorite Local Landmark!

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Flickr cc | Michael Shane
All month long, Cultist's Miami Icons series has spotlighted Miami's most deserving landmarks. There are the obvious choices, like Ocean Drive's Colony Hotel. There are the historical gems, like Vizcaya. There were modern additions, like the Arsht Center. We even threw in a couple weirdo picks -- El Faraon, for example -- just to keep things interesting.

Readers have been vocal, from blasting the historical integrity of monuments to praising powerhouse structures that scream "Miami." Well, it's time to put your money where your mouth is and choose: Which Miami Icon deserves to represent the Magic City to the rest of the world?

Today is your last chance to take our poll and make your voice heard. Should it be the opulence of the Versace mansion? The picturesque MacArthur Causeway? The fantastical Opa-locka City Hall?

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Free Events This Week: Creepy Clowns, Meditation, and Musical Shopping

Categories: Around Town

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The Clown screens tonight at Soundscape Park.
Hello Monday, you persistent bastard. Week after week, we reject you, shame you, ridicule you. We make you feel entirely unwelcome. Yet you return again and again, without fail.

That's dedication.

Despite the fact that we'd rather skip right ahead to Wednesday (at least), we can respect your tireless commitment to duty. So let's make the most of Monday (and all the other days of the week) with a full roster of free stuff to do.

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