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Duke Riley.

Tattoos sting. So what better way to offset the pain than a serenade of spoken word and craft cocktails? That's the premise behind Friday's Animal Spirits event, where you can hear some epic poetry, sip some Hemingway punch, and possibly score a free tat, too.

Friday evening, poet Tom Healy and legendary tattoo artist Duke Riley (collaborators on new tome Animal Spirits) and poet and editor Kevin Young will all make appearances at the Freehand Miami as part of the O, Miami poetry festival's line up.

For adventurous attendees, there are 14 spots available for a permanent reminder of their love for the literary. Two artists will be inking on site at a pop-up parlor. While the tattoo is free, spots can be reserved online for $10. Then, you'll get to choose from a series of design options, all in the literary/Miami/animal spirits genre, in keeping with the event's theme.

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via Florida Department of Health

If you've spent an afternoon on the South Beach shoreline, you've seen vendors wandering through the beach towels and chairs hawking henna tattoos. They typically target spring breakers and other tourists, promising a safe, temporary alternative to having your drunken, debauched weekend etched on your skin for a lifetime.

But for some people, the damage done by temporary tattoos is anything but temporary. The Food and Drug Administration issued a warning this week against black henna, a product commonly used in place of traditional henna that can leave users with burn-like symptoms and, in severe cases, permanent scars.

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Fertile Earth's Ladies of Manure Calendar 2013

If you've ever toyed with the idea of a kitchen compost -- or growing tomato plants in your own feces, for that matter -- but didn't know where to start, there's a Miami-based organization called Fertile Earth Foundation that would like nothing more than to help you become less wasteful with your, uh, waste. And if this talk about growing tomatoes in your poop didn't get your attention, maybe their calendar of near naked women bathing in tubs of fish excrement will.

Lanette Sobel, creator and co-founder of the Foundation, had the idea for the calendar while at a workshop on a farm in Homestead. "Something inspired me to say, 'I love poop,'" Sobel said, "and one of the other girls, actually a model for the calendar, she really took that to heart. She said, 'I wish more people would say 'I love poop.' And that sparked the idea for a project that would get people more connected to poop, something many are so disconnected from now."

The end result is a whole year's worth of women in their birthday suits and bathing suits, basking in piles of cow feces, squatting on toilet seats, and slathered in all kinds of South Floridian shit. Each calendar shoot was staged on a different sustainable farm in the region, and each model was chosen not just for her lovely lady lumps, but because she contributes in some way to sustainable living in South Florida.

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Shannon Defreitas/Carlos Ramos

A local firefighter-turned-artist will bring her unique bodypainting style to the Basel scene this week. Shannon Defreitas slathers in-your-face pigments all over the bare bodies of models, who then pose for art photos that seriously pop. You can check her out at The Art Place Wynwoood and a couple other venues this week, where she'll show you how it's done live.

As a matter of fact, Basel week will mark the one year anniversary of Defreitas' newfound hobby; the idea was first spontaneously set in motion at an Art Basel event last year.

"I've always been into painting," said Defreitas, "but last year at Basel, while some of my stuff was being shown in a gallery, I was inspired on the spot. I thought, 'You know what, I just kinda wanna put art on your body.'"

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All photos by Laine Doss

Cami Lin meets Sailor Jerry pin-up.

As part of a state-wide search for the most beautiful painted ladies in Florida, Sailor Jerry rum and Inked Magazine held a casting call last evening at Sandbar Sports Grill in Coconut Grove.

Fort Lauderdale had a similar event last week. Next up: Key West.

Dozens of tattooed beauties came out to flaunt their body art and beautiful smiles in the hopes of landing a spot in the November 2012 issue of Inked and $1,000 cash prize.

Photographer Greg Manis was on hand to shoot the girls. All photos will be sent to the magazine's editorial staff, who will choose a lovely lady to represent Miami.

We could tell you more, but wouldn't you rather meet some of the girls?

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Courtesy of FABAIC

The Face and Body Art International Convention (FABAIC) is no toddler birthday party face-painting. The event celebrating its 11th year in Fort Lauderdale from May 23 to 27 shows off some serious skill. As the FABAIC staff say, face and body painting is where "ballet meets Monet; where drama meets Dali."

The convention features classes for all skill levels on face painting, body painting, airbrush art, henna, FX special effects, glamour make-up, and, oddly, marketing. (Even body artists gotta sell, we guess.) In addition, and this is where we became highly interested, there will be a body painting competition featuring nude barely dressed (just undies and pasties) models as canvases. Some of them may appear to be wearing clothes, but that is only a "pigment" of your imagination. (Sorry, we just had to.)

Follow the jump for more on the convention as well as some killer images.

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Dallas Observer

The ultimate kiss ass.

​The Miami Heat's epic collapse against the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals earlier this month still stings. But the pain has been assuaged a bit by the way Dallas Mavericks' owner Mark Cuban, some of his players, and especially fans have acted since winning the title. If you can tell a lot about people when they are facing adversity, you can tell just as much about them when they have ultimate success.

This point was made crystal clear by ultimate Mavs fan Derek "Dildo" Dilday who adorned his rump with a large Dirk Nowitzki tattoo. Let that sink in a moment. According to our step-sister paper the Dallas Observer, Dilday got the tattoo because he promised as much on Facebook when the Mavs made it to the finals. Let that sink in also. We're all for Mavs fans making asses of themselves, but this may be taking it too far. Shouldn't someone have told him he should abstain from staining his ass? Here are six reasons we could think of:More »

Photos by Logan Fazio

​This weekend, the Hyatt Regency will be filled with people who penetrate others for money. We're talking needles here, and no it's not a methadone convention. It's TattooLaPaLooza, the third annual tats expo where those that ink and those who love to get inked congregate to bleed and show off calf tats of Jesus.

So bring your pictures of Ben Bernanke or Ned Stark or whoever's portrait you want etched on your upper thigh. Some of the country's best ink heads will be pushing needle into flesh in the name of art this weekend. To those who faint or upchuck at the sight of crimson blood, beware. Last year, TattooLaPaLooza featured folks strapped up like meat on hooks at the butcher. As supple skin is no match for gravity, things got a little gross. Pictures after the jump.More »

​The Hangover II opened this week despite a lawsuit from retired boxer Mike Tyson's tattoo artist on the grounds that the tat's inclusion in the film constitutes copyright infringement. The tribal style ink is featured on the face of Ed Helms who, along with Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifinakis, must retrace his steps through a completely bizarre, blacked-out night on the town.

The artist, S. Victor Whitmill, believes he should be compensated, while the filmmakers claim their depiction of the tattoo falls under fair use laws regarding parody. Cultist wants to know: Who's right?More »

Courtesy of Sean Ashworth

​Images from the free tattoo parlor at Small Art Miami (AKA the Hello Kitty Basel pop-up shop) keep rolling in. Here's Dokidoki Burger, the fresh tatt of Sean Ashworth. By the second day of the pop-up shop, it was no small chore to get one of the Sanrio tattoos. Ashworth and his friends had to get there before it opened, put their names on the list, and then didn't get under the needle until 5 p.m.

He says "The artist, Grant Cobb, worked super fast and finished my tattoo in about an hour. He did a great job and it's healing nicely. The whole day was awesome, being there with friends, seeing the artwork, the Harajuku girls, the tattoos. A day to remember, for sure." Last week, we featured a Lanrey the raccoon tattoo. Anyone else get inked with a Hello Kitty character? Send photos to cultist@miaminewtimes.com, and we'll feature the best.