Exxxotica

Exxxotica's just about the only place in town where this is appropriate footwear.

Yeah, baby. You know you want it.

Tickets to Exxxotica, that is.

The largest sex expo in the country is back in Miami Beach this weekend, bringing the biggest names in porn, a giant load (heh) of sex toys, a bus where people will film you doin' it, and a giant, pink, penis-shaped mechanical bull. So no, you are probably not going to want to miss out.

And one lucky Cultist reader, along with his or her own personal sex slave, won't have to, because we're giving away two tickets to the sexy spectacle. Read on to find out how to win.
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uncommoncaribbean.com

Free boobs! Er, we mean booze.

Booze: the weakness of choice for the highly cultured since both booze and culture existed. From wine-swilling Roman poets to the absinthe-guzzling Oscar Wilde, alcohol has fueled some of history's greatest cultural achievements.

So, wanna join the club?

The Miami Rum Renaissance Festival's back in town this week, bringing with it case upon case of Hemingway's favorite hooch. Once you're through the doors, it's unlimited rum until you either pen your great masterpiece, puke into a nearby trash can, or both. And we're offering you the chance to get, uh, inspired -- for free.

Read on to find out how to win your own pair of free tickets to the festival's grand tasting.
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Cara Castronuova

​Admit it: You have a weakness for The Biggest Loser. It's only natural. The show's a perfect blend of schadenfreude and fitness inspiration. But when the show ends and you're still comfortably wedged into your couch with a bag of Cheetos next to you, that inspiration disappears into thin air.

Why not get some real motivation at BodyTrain City, sponsored by PUMA? The event invites the ladies of South Florida to get sporty in destinations throughout the Magic City -- led by professional athletes including soccer player Leslie Osborne, CrossFit athlete Mel Ockerby, and yes, even former Biggest Loser trainer Cara Castronuova. Over the course of three days -- Friday, March 2 to Sunday, March 4 -- you'll box, kick, play, and last-chance-workout your way to a healthier you. You'll also get to try on PUMA's new PowerCore apparel.

Normally, you'd need a VIP invitation to attend. But there's good news: You and a friend can do it all for free. Read on to find out how to win a weekend of personal training, courtesy of Cultist and PUMA.
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​Will Ferrell's new movie, Casa de Mi Padre, doesn't open wide until March 16. But you have the chance to see it before anyone else, thanks to the South Beach Comedy Festival, which will present the first public screening of the film Feb. 29 at the Colony Theatre.

The film follows Armando Alvarez (Ferrell) and his brother, Raul (Diego Luna), Mexican ranchers who get mixed up with a powerful drug lord. The trailer makes it look like a well-deserved spoof of Latin, action, and western films. And you have the chance to check it out for free.

We're giving away two tickets to the special screening. To find out how to enter, and to watch the film trailer for yourself, read on.
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Photo by Justin Broadbent

TM Sisters are just one of the acts at the Miami Made Festival

​Indie rock. Modern dance. Original, immersive theater. These are just a few of the exciting, home-grown talents on display at this year's Miami Made Festival, taking place March 1-4 at the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts.

The best thing about the festival (aside from the performances themselves, of course) is that it's free to the public. But this is Miami, so you know there's gotta be a velvet rope somewhere. Enter the VIP Miami Made experience: priority access to the theater, and guaranteed seating at every show.

Cultist readers, you're all VIPs in our hearts and minds. But two of you are going to be VIPs at the Miami Made Festival, courtesy of the Arsht Center. We have two VIP passes on our hands, and there's only one way to get them. Click through to find out how.
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​Here's the United States weather forecast today: It's raining in Las Vegas, 44 degrees in Chicago, and the East Coast is about to be hit by a snow storm.

Now look outside, kids. It's 77 and sunny. Yeah, this is a pretty great place to live.

So instead of leaving the 305, how about you enjoy yourself a little staycation? And while you're at it, why not do it at the W South Beach for free? If you're one of 25 lucky folks to book a room at the resort this afternoon, you could get the whole thing comped.
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​The Sundance Film Festival kicks off tomorrow, and if you're sitting in your office reading this right now, it probably means you won't be in attendance. And that's a bummer, because you'll miss out on rubbing elbows with celebrities and seeing some of the world's most buzz-worthy films.

But there's one thing you don't have to miss out on: the swag. As you know, Jillian Mayer's short film, The Life and Times of Uncle Luke, will be screened at Sundance. And as you know, Jacuzzi Boys' Gabriel Alcala designed a Luther Campbell-inspired whoopee cushion for the swag bags at the screening. But they're not all at Sundance. Three of them are sitting in our office, ready to be claimed by lucky Cultist readers. Click through to find out how to get yours.
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Photo by Ian Witlen

Carole Feuerman, Survival of Serena at SCOPE 2010

​Whether you're dropping mad bills on original pieces of contemporary art or simply admiring the work, Basel week can be relatively expensive. From admission fees to parking costs, mixed drinks and gourmet street food, Basel budgeting can be real a bitch.

Lucky for y'all, we've teamed up with folks at Scope Miami Art Fair and Smart Car to help curb the financial burden. We're giving away two pairs of general admission passes--that's four tickets total--to two lucky loyal Cultist followers. Best of all, each pass is good for two people.

Find out how to win after the cut.

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Ivan Delvasto

Win tickets to Santa's Enchanted Forest

​South Florida's equivalent to the North Pole is a little patch of land seasonally stacked with games, food, shows, and nativity right off el Palmetto.

For 29 years, Santa's Enchanted Forrest has represented Christmas in Miami. Not to mention it also help launch the career of Hialeah hottie GiGi Diaz.

With its 100+ rides, delicious carnival fare, and catchy, timeless commercial jingle, the Tropical Park staple has welcomed hundreds upon thousands of visitors in its lifetime. While ticket prices are a steal at $25.69 for adults, they're even better when they're free. And we've got four of them to give away.

Find out how to win four tickets to Santa's Enchanted Forrest after the cut.

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​Postmodernism is slipperier than a greased watermelon. Society used to have simple standards and reasonable expectations: up was up, men and women were men and women, and fiction tidily progressed from beginning to end in a linear fashion.

But then Postmodernism -- the literary and arts movement that threw out convention with the bathwater -- came barging in to our collective consciousness like a highly theoretical bull in a china shop still selling plates with Aristotle on them.

For a textbook example of multifaceted postmodern literary flair, look no further than author and filmmaker John Sayles's latest tome, A Moment in the Sun, a thousand-page post-Civil War epic that starts in the U.S. south (North Carolina) but soon travels all over the world (Cuba, the Phillippines, and so on). With its a tremendous cast of characters in various, winding, non-linear and intersecting plot lines and globally-inclusive setting, the novel has provoked comparisons to Thomas Pynchon.

Sayles will be in town this month for the Miami Book Fair, so we're giving away a copy of A Moment in the Sun. Published by McSweeney's, the novel has the amazing production value you'd expect from Dave Eggar's publishing house. Learn how to nab a free copy after the jump.
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