You just know he's not gonna want to come home, don't you?

How does a beachfront weekend in South Beach for only $50 a night sound to you? Not into surf and sand? What about a five-star hotel in Coconut Grove, surrounded by parks and lush mangroves, for $40 a night?

Oh, and by the way, these vacation spots aren't for you. They're for your dog.

Dog Vacay is a dogsitting service set to launch May 23 in Miami, providing bed and breakfast listings for the city's canine companions. Now, instead of feeling guilty as sin going on a cruise and leaving Fido in some crate at the vet, you can sail away knowing your furry friend's hanging out in a real home away from home.

But it's not just a bonus for the pups; dog-lovers can earn cash on the side by signing up to care for the dogs through the site, too.
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myrtlebeachbum.wordpress.com

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Still a top-selling classic that people ask for by name.

Valentine's Day is one occasion when most folks -- ​even those of us who like to live outside the box, then take a chainsaw to it until all that's left are infinitesimal flecks of cardboard -- choose to go the traditional route, and showering our mates with flowers, candy, and BMWs. (Hint, hint.)

But this year, we thought maybe we'd spice things up. So we visited the Dixie Adult Megaplex to ascertain what new sex toys were available to gift our significant perverts others on V-Day.

We received an eye-opening tour from manager Kisha Scott, who was kind enough to show us what items were new, and who also taught us a valuable lesson: If it ain't broke, don't tie it up, put a gag in its mouth, and spank it. Well, that's what it sounded like to us. Don't judge.
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Esparta flickr

Every day is Working Naked Day for the Naked Cowboy!

​Today is Working Naked Day! But don't get too excited. As much as you want the cute girl from accounting to know that you have a totally sweet tattoo of a hyena using nunchucks while surfing on the back of a giant piranha on your ass, today is not the day to reveal it.

According to Lisa Kanarek, a home office expert and the mind behind the gimmicky holiday, it's "a time to celebrate the perks of working from home -- no boss looking over your shoulder, no gossiping over the water cooler, and no commute." It's also a way for people who work from home to rub our noses in the fact that they can work in the buff and fart freely while us office peeps have to sit in our restricting clothing and down-low fart all day. Not cool, Kanarek. Not cool.

But what about the rebels? The punk-minded folk who give the finger to constricting social standards like clothes, basic hygiene, and the eyeballs of others by showing up to work naked? Do such people exist? They sure do! We dug up five tales of nasty nudists who, much like the honey badger, really didn't give a shit and mixed work with au naturel pleasure. Stories after the jump. And if you're working from home, just make sure you strap on a cup or a bra before proceeding.
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Dre Bless

It's Christmas (Eve) for the Jews

​During Christmas in South Florida, a sizable part of the population is left with one dark city and not too many outing options. So 25 years ago, one inventive Jew came up with the greatest idea of all -- the Matzo Ball. This annual celebration invites Jewish singles to booze and schmooze on Christmas Eve.

But don't let the name fool you. Even though it's a predominantly Jewish affair (sponsored by JDate, to be exact), the Matzo Ball welcomes everyone to its quarters, from honey-baked ham hustlers to Kwanzaa canoodlers. Once again, this year's big event is taking over Fontainebleau Miami Beach on the fifth night of Channukah. Last year's extravaganza at LIV raked in an impressive 1,000-plus guests and a squad of fire marshals to slow down foot traffic. In 2011, the fiesta is back -- with a back-up plan to take care of the overflow.
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​As everyone knows, if a guy stays single or sexless long enough, his virginity will grow back--usually thicker and darker than before. However, regular sex that doesn't require pre-numbing your dominant hand shouldn't be the only reason to acquire a girlfriend. Girlfriends provide many benefits including love, faithful companionship, and finally getting your mom off your back.

But what if you're ungirlfriendable? Should you accept your place in the pecking order and relegate yourself to a life of solitude? Must you become the sad sack of man pitied by his friends and amassing a collection of cats only rivaled by the Humane Society or a North Korean street vendor?

Absolutely not. We'll learn how to get a fake girlfriend using the same tried-and-true technique you would use to get a real one, lying!
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Camille Lamb

CrossFit's endless squats get you ready to bounce up and down all night.

​If you haven't heard about CrossFit, what treadmill have you been hiding under? It's the fitness craze that has members slamming heavy balls against the floor, scaling ropes, lifting, sprinting, squatting, pressing, pushing, and thrusting, sometimes crying, and then coming back, begging for more. (Is anyone else turned on right now?) It's maybe the only popular sport that has the audacity to say that marathon runners aren't fit because they train only "in one dimension." Check out reruns of this summer's CrossFit Games if you need to witness the torture firsthand. Or just walk into any one of South Florida's 50 CrossFit gyms.​

Why would anybody inflict such pain on oneself? They say it's about true overall fitness, cardiovascular health, yadda yadda, but all we hear is "sex." They say CrossFit exercises increase endurance? We hear "sex." They say you become good at quickly shifting from one position and motion to the next? We hear "sex-sex-sex." And they say CrossFit involves bars, swings, ropes, and pressing your face into the bare, black, rubbery floor. We scream, "OK, do me now!"More >>

​When Steve Jobs sold his functioning liver to the Devil in exchange for the iPhone, his first thought probably wasn't, "I bet someone will create apps that ease no-strings-attached sexual encounters." Just kidding, he's a savvy dude so I'm sure he knew right away people would use the device for hookups and masturbatory purposes.

Smartphones are powerful gadgets. It's almost as if it were specifically designed to facilitate two people's genitals finding one another. One company, Nearby Buddy Finder LLC, decided to leverage the power of smartphones and created an app to do just that. They called it Grindr, and it was limited to gays, bis, and bi-curious. Or as homophobes subconsciously call them, "people just like me but more honest." Recently they released Blendr, the same thing but with support for a wider variety of orifices.

It got me wondering, who has an easier time getting laid with a smartphone: straights or gays?
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​Six years ago yesterday, Yoga in the Park downtown held its first free class. Woo hoo!! There were only nine attendees. That first class practiced near the water because Hurricane Wilma had ripped apart the Tina Hills Pavilion.

Boy has yoga evolved. Today the free class has grown into one of the largest and most consistent yoga practices in the country.

These days, 150 to 180 yogis regularly attend this staple of our burgeoning downtown landscape. In fact, on Saturday, the practice surpassed the 65,000 plateau of yogis who have participated since its inception. More >>

via MTV.com

​Dear Hollywood Starlet,

We have followed you from the beginning of your blossoming career in Hollywood. We watched you squeeze from the vagina of small-town America and be born into the limelight of our hearts. We have stood by you when you took that nonspeaking role in the latest uninspired horror remake. We fell in love with the random line of boy toys you chose to date -- a new one for each month like you were designing a calendar.

Yes, you are young, beautiful, and rich. ​But revealing the fruit of your loins during an interview meant to promote your hit TV show is downright shameful. And to stay mum about your baby daddy's identity as if waiting for a more opportune moment, (sweeps week?) well, that's just a slap in the face. (We're looking at you, January Jones.)
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