The Problem With Catherine Zeta-Jones as the Godmother

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Flickr cc | David Shankbone
Last time I wrote about the way Hispanic actors and actresses are shoved into stereotyped roles, people got frustrated. But guess what? A lot of people are just as frustrated by the fact that a beautiful Welsh actress just got handed a role that should have certainly gone to someone else.

Catherine Zeta-Jones was just cast as the late Griselda Blanco, the Colombian well known for her bloody rise to the top of the drug cartel and heavy presence in the Miami cocaine wars of the '70s and '80s. For most Miamians, her story is familiar because of its depiction in Billy Corben's Cocaine Cowboys films. Zeta-Jones will star as the drug kingpin in The Godmother, one of Blanco's many names during her reign.

See also: Griselda Blanco, Miami's Cocaine Queen, Assassinated In Medellin Butcher Shop

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Five Ways to Reinvent the Miami-Dade Public Library System

Categories: Books, Opinion

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Photo by Alex Markow
It's going to take more than these to fix up the Miami-Dade Public Library system.
We here at Cultist looooooove libraries, but we'd be lying if we said we stepped foot in one more than once in the past year. Because we are learned, we can identify that as a problem.

We're not really alone. Of the 2,496,435 people in Miami-Dade, only 1,084,841 are registered. Not too long ago, there was talk of cutting the Miami-Dade County Public Library system budget, but overwhelming support from voters like you for something so drastic as tax hikes to keep the system running smoothly have changed the discussion from cutting back to total rehaul.

The Knights and Miami Foundations held a special panel discussion and conference luncheon on Monday to see how other cities have successfully revamped their libraries into the digital age, and it got us thinking. How could the Miami-Dade Public Library System improve? Here are some of our ideas.

See also: Library Advocates Say Gimenez Budget Would Slash Services For Miamians

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The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story: Barely Scandalous

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Photo by Sergei Bachlakov
Mark-Paul Gosselaar, AKA Zack Morris (Dylan Everett), sans bulky cell phone.
"I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so, I'm so... scared!"

Jessie Spano immortalized those words on Saved by the Bell. It also perfectly summed up how most felt before the premiere of last night's Lifetime docudrama The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story.

Unlike the more scandalous and indulgent Beverly Hills 90210, Saved by the Bell was made for Saturday mornings, it was preteen-focused and light heartedly blissful. The word "unauthorized" conjured up images of orgies and blow in the dressing room. Fortunately and unfortunately, it wasn't that.

Here is a collection of some of the fun, albeit vanilla, "facts" we learned:

See also: Kate Chastain and Kat Held of Bravo's Below Deck Talk Yacht Life and Crazy Passengers

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Sofia Vergara's Emmys Skit Proves We Need More Positive Representation of Latinas on TV

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There has been a lot of talk, Tweets, and Instagrams since Beyonce's powerhouse performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday and Sofia Vergara's spinning skit at the Emmys Monday night. The stark contrast between the two showings has caused a stir, with "feminism" and "sexist" hashtag-storming social media.

But let's bring it back home for a second: Vergara wasn't trying to make some feminist statement with her bit at the Emmys, instead she was just flaunting her assets at the request of the chairman of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, Bruce Rosenblum. "What truly matters," Rosenblum said while Vergara rotated on a pedestal, "is that we never forget that our success is based on always giving the viewer something compelling to watch."

See also: Chef Filming in Miami: Behind the Scenes with Sofia Vergara, John Leguizamo

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Miami's Hispanic Audiences Deserve Better Representation on the Big Screen

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Marvel Studios
Captain America, one of this year's biggest hits with Latino audiences.
Practically every day this month, I've found myself getting into arguments with someone about how important representation is in media. As many studies have shown, not everyone who goes to the movies or watches television is a generic upper-middle class, straight, white cis male. But when you get down to it, isn't that the only thing we see on the big screen?

Yesterday, Entertainment Weekly posted a list -- five things Hollywood learned about Latino moviegoers this summer -- that looked into the way that Hispanic audiences spent their money at the movies, and what movies they went out of their way to watch. Unsurprisingly, it showed that Latino audiences accounted "for at least 20 percent of ticket sales opening weekend for the highest-grossing movies in May and June." Those of us here in Miami who go to the movies could have easily told you that just by stepping into the line for tickets at any theater.

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Stay, LeBron: An Open Letter to King James

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Dear LeBron,

When I first read the news that you'd be opting out of your Miami Heat contract, I have to admit, I was more than a little upset. I imagine many Miamians had the same reaction, from the guy down the block with a picture of your face and the words "STANK DON'T IT?" painted on the hood of his Chevy Caprice, to the countless parents of children with names like LeBron Rodriguez or Louis LeBron Jameson.

But I've given it some thought, and you know what? I think I get it. To my understanding, the best case scenario is that you, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh all opt out, accept lower salaries, free up some contract money to bring in new talent, and win 18 more championships.

But I'm not writing this letter for the best case scenario. I'm writing because of the other case scenarios.

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Retweets to be Retired? Business Insider Says Twitter Considering a Stupid "Share" Option

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Via Business Insider
Q: What's the best part about Twitter?

A: It's not Facebook - or is it?

A little birdy over at Business Insider told us the social media giant is considering doing away with the beloved "Retweet" in favor of a very Zuckerbergian "Share" option, and we think that's just kind of stupid. Must all social media outlets be created in one another's image? Freaking no, they shouldn't.

Whatever happened to brand recognition?

See Also: Ten Best Miami Artists to Follow on Instagram

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The Lynching of Julio Robaina: The Facts About Hialeah's Former Mayor, the Case Against Him, and How the Herald Dropped the Ball

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In 1992 I fell in love con una jevita named Donita. She was a beautiful gringita with purple hair and no culo, who liked to play guitar and sing about shit I had little understanding about mostly because, at the time, I only had ESOL Level 2. Here's a picture of me in '92 after playing a show with my band Este Huevo Quiere Sal at Churchill's in Little Haiti.

Donita went on to gain success as the lead singer of a band called L7, but one of the things I remember her saying to me during our short-lived relationship was "Papi, the masses are asses," to which I always replied, "Tranquila mami, esas nalguitas estan bastante buena como estan, que coño masa ni masa?" Needless to say, we broke up, as did my band, but my English got better, and a couple of years later L7 released a song with the title "The Masses Are Asses," and I had a catharsis. Turns out she wasn't self-conscious about not having un buen par de nalgas at all, but rather trying to teach me a little something about how she felt the media treats us all. Taking important issues and reducing them to simplistic blurbs to gain attention, sway opinion, and, at times, maliciously destroy reputations.

I was reminded of Donita this past Tuesday as I sipped on my morning coladita and read the front page of the Miami Herald, where one of the stories was on former Hialeah mayor Julio Robaina. The headline boldly read, "Secret Cash Was for Mistres." Under that, in bold text, it continued, "Feds: Former Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina took cash payments to keep his wife from knowing he was spending it on mistress."

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The Ten Guys You Meet on Tinder

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Match is for desperados, eHarmony for old fogies, and Christian Mingle for closeted freaks, leading us cyber whores to the next best thing - Tinder. Meant to serve as an on-the-go service for both social and non-social single specimen, this dating app triggers and targets local hotties (and sometimes the occasional mutants) in your surrounding neighborhoods. Not only is it easy as hell to maneuver, but also fun - some would even call it sport-like, or a game perhaps. This year's Olympians can attest to that. But for the ladies new to the game, sometimes it proves challenging to weed out the weird and distinguish those worthy of that fateful right swipe, especially in our beloved Magic City.

Not to fear, gal pals. Let the below content decode the actions and words of your most common Miami male prospects. On your mark, get set, swipe.

See also: Ten Miami Guys You've Probably Dated

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Ten Best Miami Artists to Follow on Instagram

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@FriendsWithYou is one of our fave Miami artists to follow, but who are the rest?
If you follow the right people, your Instagram feed can be more than just another method of procrastination. Artists are often those right people because they know how to express themselves in ways that are visually appealing. This medium is tailor-made for them to play and us to watch.

Here's a list of our ten favorite local visual artists doing Instagram just the way we like it -- by giving us a peek into their lives and their process, showing us works that are both expensive and accessible, being weird and thoughtful, and giving us every reason to double-tap their pics.

Now, before you even think of typing, "DESE IZ NOT D BEST ARTISTS N MYAMI," we get it. It's hard to pick just ten without leaving out a hundred. Forgive us. Please calmly let us know your faves in the comments. #THAYNKEWE.

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