The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story: Barely Scandalous

saved_by_the_bell_press_1.jpg
Photo by Sergei Bachlakov
Mark-Paul Gosselaar, AKA Zack Morris (Dylan Everett), sans bulky cell phone.
"I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so, I'm so... scared!"

Jessie Spano immortalized those words on Saved by the Bell. It also perfectly summed up how most felt before the premiere of last night's Lifetime docudrama The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story.

Unlike the more scandalous and indulgent Beverly Hills 90210, Saved by the Bell was made for Saturday mornings, it was preteen-focused and light heartedly blissful. The word "unauthorized" conjured up images of orgies and blow in the dressing room. Fortunately and unfortunately, it wasn't that.

Here is a collection of some of the fun, albeit vanilla, "facts" we learned:

See also: Kate Chastain and Kat Held of Bravo's Below Deck Talk Yacht Life and Crazy Passengers

More »

Sofia Vergara's Emmys Skit Proves We Need More Positive Representation of Latinas on TV

Thumbnail image for Sophia_spins_Emmys.jpg
There has been a lot of talk, Tweets, and Instagrams since Beyonce's powerhouse performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday and Sofia Vergara's spinning skit at the Emmys Monday night. The stark contrast between the two showings has caused a stir, with "feminism" and "sexist" hashtag-storming social media.

But let's bring it back home for a second: Vergara wasn't trying to make some feminist statement with her bit at the Emmys, instead she was just flaunting her assets at the request of the chairman of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, Bruce Rosenblum. "What truly matters," Rosenblum said while Vergara rotated on a pedestal, "is that we never forget that our success is based on always giving the viewer something compelling to watch."

See also: Chef Filming in Miami: Behind the Scenes with Sofia Vergara, John Leguizamo

More »

Miami's Hispanic Audiences Deserve Better Representation on the Big Screen

captain-america-winter-soldier-review.9643057.87.jpg
Marvel Studios
Captain America, one of this year's biggest hits with Latino audiences.
Practically every day this month, I've found myself getting into arguments with someone about how important representation is in media. As many studies have shown, not everyone who goes to the movies or watches television is a generic upper-middle class, straight, white cis male. But when you get down to it, isn't that the only thing we see on the big screen?

Yesterday, Entertainment Weekly posted a list -- five things Hollywood learned about Latino moviegoers this summer -- that looked into the way that Hispanic audiences spent their money at the movies, and what movies they went out of their way to watch. Unsurprisingly, it showed that Latino audiences accounted "for at least 20 percent of ticket sales opening weekend for the highest-grossing movies in May and June." Those of us here in Miami who go to the movies could have easily told you that just by stepping into the line for tickets at any theater.

More »

Stay, LeBron: An Open Letter to King James

lebron_james.jpg
Dear LeBron,

When I first read the news that you'd be opting out of your Miami Heat contract, I have to admit, I was more than a little upset. I imagine many Miamians had the same reaction, from the guy down the block with a picture of your face and the words "STANK DON'T IT?" painted on the hood of his Chevy Caprice, to the countless parents of children with names like LeBron Rodriguez or Louis LeBron Jameson.

But I've given it some thought, and you know what? I think I get it. To my understanding, the best case scenario is that you, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh all opt out, accept lower salaries, free up some contract money to bring in new talent, and win 18 more championships.

But I'm not writing this letter for the best case scenario. I'm writing because of the other case scenarios.

More »

Retweets to be Retired? Business Insider Says Twitter Considering a Stupid "Share" Option

share_twitter_business_insider.jpg
Via Business Insider
Q: What's the best part about Twitter?

A: It's not Facebook - or is it?

A little birdy over at Business Insider told us the social media giant is considering doing away with the beloved "Retweet" in favor of a very Zuckerbergian "Share" option, and we think that's just kind of stupid. Must all social media outlets be created in one another's image? Freaking no, they shouldn't.

Whatever happened to brand recognition?

See Also: Ten Best Miami Artists to Follow on Instagram

More »

The Lynching of Julio Robaina: The Facts About Hialeah's Former Mayor, the Case Against Him, and How the Herald Dropped the Ball

rsz_pepe92.jpg
In 1992 I fell in love con una jevita named Donita. She was a beautiful gringita with purple hair and no culo, who liked to play guitar and sing about shit I had little understanding about mostly because, at the time, I only had ESOL Level 2. Here's a picture of me in '92 after playing a show with my band Este Huevo Quiere Sal at Churchill's in Little Haiti.

Donita went on to gain success as the lead singer of a band called L7, but one of the things I remember her saying to me during our short-lived relationship was "Papi, the masses are asses," to which I always replied, "Tranquila mami, esas nalguitas estan bastante buena como estan, que coño masa ni masa?" Needless to say, we broke up, as did my band, but my English got better, and a couple of years later L7 released a song with the title "The Masses Are Asses," and I had a catharsis. Turns out she wasn't self-conscious about not having un buen par de nalgas at all, but rather trying to teach me a little something about how she felt the media treats us all. Taking important issues and reducing them to simplistic blurbs to gain attention, sway opinion, and, at times, maliciously destroy reputations.

I was reminded of Donita this past Tuesday as I sipped on my morning coladita and read the front page of the Miami Herald, where one of the stories was on former Hialeah mayor Julio Robaina. The headline boldly read, "Secret Cash Was for Mistres." Under that, in bold text, it continued, "Feds: Former Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina took cash payments to keep his wife from knowing he was spending it on mistress."

More »

The Ten Guys You Meet on Tinder

tinder_main.jpg
Match is for desperados, eHarmony for old fogies, and Christian Mingle for closeted freaks, leading us cyber whores to the next best thing - Tinder. Meant to serve as an on-the-go service for both social and non-social single specimen, this dating app triggers and targets local hotties (and sometimes the occasional mutants) in your surrounding neighborhoods. Not only is it easy as hell to maneuver, but also fun - some would even call it sport-like, or a game perhaps. This year's Olympians can attest to that. But for the ladies new to the game, sometimes it proves challenging to weed out the weird and distinguish those worthy of that fateful right swipe, especially in our beloved Magic City.

Not to fear, gal pals. Let the below content decode the actions and words of your most common Miami male prospects. On your mark, get set, swipe.

See also: Ten Miami Guys You've Probably Dated

More »

Ten Best Miami Artists to Follow on Instagram

friendswithyou_instagram.jpg
@FriendsWithYou is one of our fave Miami artists to follow, but who are the rest?
If you follow the right people, your Instagram feed can be more than just another method of procrastination. Artists are often those right people because they know how to express themselves in ways that are visually appealing. This medium is tailor-made for them to play and us to watch.

Here's a list of our ten favorite local visual artists doing Instagram just the way we like it -- by giving us a peek into their lives and their process, showing us works that are both expensive and accessible, being weird and thoughtful, and giving us every reason to double-tap their pics.

Now, before you even think of typing, "DESE IZ NOT D BEST ARTISTS N MYAMI," we get it. It's hard to pick just ten without leaving out a hundred. Forgive us. Please calmly let us know your faves in the comments. #THAYNKEWE.

More »

Downton Abbey Is Just a Telenovela with British Accents (Spoilers)

downton_abbey_women_credit_nick_briggs_carnival_films.jpg
Nick Briggs/© Carnival Films
For Downton Abbey fans, Miami's a pretty lonely place.

In other parts of the country, obsessed superfans have spent months actively searching for (or actively avoiding) spoilers about the fourth season, beginning this Sunday. They've been chatting non-stop about the death of Matthew, speculating about the future of Sybil's son, and stocking up on Downton-branded wine and tea for their watch parties this weekend.

In Miami, meanwhile, if you bring up the show, you're mostly likely to get a shrug in response: "That's some boring-ass white people shit, bro."

Downton haters do have a point; the show definitely loves its white people. (The series will introduce its first black character this season.) But if you can get past the issue of race -- and really, how many people of color can you expect to find in a realistic reenactment of rich, rural England in the early 1900s? -- you'll discover that Downton Abbey is just a telenovela in disguise.

More »

The Ten Worst Things About Working in Miami Retail

miami_retail_open_credit_miamism_flickr.jpg
miamism/Flickr CC
Thanksgiving is over. Black Friday has come and gone. Christmas brought all kinds of gifts to Miami's girls and boys. But has your gluttony and deal grabbing been sated? Nope. Now it's time for the annual tradition of returning the stuff you don't want.

Every year, December rains an entire month of hellfire on those in the retail industry. The recipients of this widespread mania are the salespeople, the managers, and those poor greeters whose feet undoubtedly get trampled a couple times a day. In honor of this magical time of year, we present the ten worst things about working retail in the Magic City.

(A short note before the following spew of vitriol and sarcasm: The majority of retail customers, even those in Miami, are friendly and patient -- just not these assholes.)

More »

Now Trending

From the Vault

 

Clubs

Loading...