​You can stop holding your breath, Miami. Our Real Housewives franchise is safe and sound.

According to Hollywood Reporter, Bravo will give the show a second chance, despite its unimpressive ratings last season. And as the network tries to pump up the show's lackluster viewership, there are plenty of changes in store.
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Wikipedia

​Everyone has that one great aunt who talks about the characters from her "stories" like she knows them personally. We used to think it was kinda sad. But lately, several returning TV shows have us craving a deeper connection with the people we see on the screen.

Yes, we're talking about befriending TV characters. Is it pathetic to feel real affection for a fictional character? Perhaps. But it's no more pathetic than your stash of heavily Photoshopped porn, so maybe let's not be so judgey, okay?

From the Deputy Director of the Pawnee City Department of Parks and Recreation to a sexy Colombian housewife, these are five characters we want as our besties.
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nbc.com

​Like 11.5 million other viewers, last night we tuned in to NBC's Smash. It's not because we're huge fans of Glee, or even musical theater in general. We were just kinda curious. With so much hype, the show would either be amazing, or it would crash and burn. Either way, we'd enjoy watching it, right?

Wrong. So, so wrong.

We expected the stereotypical characters and the cheesy song-and-dance numbers. But we had no idea the show would so grossly misrepresent the woman who inspired it in the first place: Marilyn Monroe.
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Begone, Kim.

​Kim Kardashian's recent trip to Miami to scout locations for her store D-A-S-H has led some to speculate that a new version of her eponymous reality show could be headed this way.

But Miami has already been taken! By Kardashians! We're specifically referring to 2009's Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami. And although Kim only appeared in a handful of those episodes (according to IMDB; we swear we didn't watch), we at Cultist firmly believe that Miami cannot -- and should not -- be taken again. Besides, didn't Kim and kolleagues just take New York?

Taking Miami is so three years ago. So instead of our fair city, we have a few suggestions for things that Kim and kompany can take instead.
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​If old traditions hold true, and obsessively watching Mad Men has taught us anything, it's that big advertising firms have their fingers in each other's pockets. Like Russell Crowe watching pigeons in A Beautiful Mind, patterns can emerge when you look at any given year's Super Bowl ads. Last year, Super Bowl XLV focused on men behaving badly. This year's own special thread: has-been celebrities.
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​Florida's law requiring the poor to pass a drug test before receiving welfare funds came under the scrutiny of The Daily Show last night. In an interview with Aasif Mandvi, bill supporter Representative Scott Plakon claimed that any recipient of taxpayer money should undergo drug testing. When Mandvi pointed out that Plakon's own salary is made up of taxpayer money, and asked if Plakon would support a bill requiring legislators to pass drug tests to get paid, however, Plakon faltered.

But Mandvi didn't stop there, interrupting Governor Rick Scott at a press conference to ask him to pee in a cup, point blank. Slender Man's response: "I'm going over here. You don't need to run this."

See the full segment after the jump. (Scott's section is at the 5:00 mark.)
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Vh1

The season four cast of Basketball Wives

​When we were first given the task to review Basketball Wives, we thought we had a knock-off Real Housewives on our hands. So like the serious journalists we are, we went to Wikipedia to do our research on the new project.

There, the program description explains all the show's women were "somehow romantically linked to professional basketball players." Translation: This is a TV show exclusively devoted to baby mamas, sidepieces, and ex-wives.

But don't think for a second that we're hating on Basketball Wives; we have literally never missed an episode since day one. Our favorite reality show of all time returns Feb. 20, and we are happy to report it's going to be the best one yet. And by the best, we of course mean the most dramatic.
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Troy Robertson, a contestant on the next season of Survivor, is from Miami. But is he a dying breed?

​Here in Miami, we like to think we have a monopoly on star personalities. But according to at least one reality TV casting director, Tampa's where you can really find the talent.

"Tampa is the new Miami," casting director Rose Rosen told the Tampa Bay Times this week, noting that a colleague of hers in Hollywood has indicated that all the reality show talent in the Magic City is "tapped out."

"There are no fresh faces [in Miami,]" she continued. "Everybody who wants to be on television has been on television at least once."
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Dun-dun.

​It's the main topic on the lips of every politician: The economy is sputtering, with few industries left to produce the valuable goods that could keep it running. But as we sat on our couch last night, scanning from channel to channel, it hit us. There's one industry in America that's thriving like never before, and it has the potential to solve all of our country's problems.

That industry: Reality television.

We can't think of another product made in the U.S.A. for which demand is always greater than the supply. Just look at the shows that debuted this season. We are clearly scraping the bottom of the Decent Show Premise Barrel, and the public still clamors for more.

So let's give it to them, creating thousands of jobs in the process. And while we're at it, let's cast our nation's leaders in scenes that could lead to a thriving economy, the end of partisan politics, and even world peace. With the right contestants, these reality tv shows could save the world.
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​If you're a Vh1 junkie like ourselves, there is a good chance you have caught classics like Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels or Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. But no one did fake love competitions better than Flavor Flav with Flavor of Love. If we told you we had missed an episode, we would be lying. Which is why, when we got a chance to interview season three's Myammee, we just couldn't turn it down.

Who is Angela "Myammee" Pitts, you ask? Well, remember the nice little lady from Miami whose wardrobe consisted of bikinis and g-strings? Yep, that's her. These days, she's wearing her lingerie under real clothes (boo) and running her own salon in North Miami Beach. Plus, she is back to reality TV -- and this time, she is calling the shots.
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