"Ray J who?"

Admit it: The first time you saw heard about Kim Kardashian's sex tape with Ray J, you wondered, "What would Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia have to say about this video, which I hear exists but certainly have no interest in seeing for myself?"

Sadly, you'll never know, because original Golden Girls Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, and Estelle Getty have gone to the sunny retirement community in the sky. But this video of three grandmas watching that very tape is the next best thing.

Someone get these ladies a reality TV deal, stat.
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Lookin' good, river cow.

Manatees are ugly creatures. They're all pudgy and grey, with a face like a cross between Wilford Brimley and the Elephant Man. Yes, they're precious and valuable life forms, and it sucks that they're endangered. (Don't email us, hippies.) Maybe -- maybe -- you could argue that they're so ugly that it comes back around to cute, like the bulldogs of the sea.

Still, you've gotta admit, they're called "sea cows" for a reason.

So South African design studio Built By Wildman has really done the impossible with its short film, Sirenia Shadows. The team shot underwater footage of endangered West Indian manatees in the Crystal River on Florida's west coast, north of Tampa. The serene images they captured, along with a spa-like soundtrack, make its manatee subjects look like elegant, majestic creatures.

Watch the video after the jump, and you'll never look at manatees the same way again.
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Blaze on.

It's 4:20 p.m. on April 20.

If you're not already giggling stupidly at a cat video on the Internet, now's the time.

We've compiled a few of our favorites after the jump.

You're welcome.
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Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

​As if LMFAO needed any more of an ego boost, last night President Obama endorsed "Sexy And I Know It," the group's playing-everywhere-all-the-damn-time anthem to tan ass-cheeks.

Well, sort of.

The President hasn't actually given any indication of his feelings about LMFAO one way or another. But some crack(ed out) video splicer out there compiled a ton of clips of the President reciting the song's lyrics, one word at a time, and set them to the beat that just will not die.

It's a pretty funny clip. But is it funny enough to justify the existence of "Sexy And I Know It" itself? You be the judge.
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If you're on Facebook, the video called called Kony 2012 has surely popped into your feed sometime this week. Again and again, its re-posted by dozens of your friends with tags like "inspirational" or "I cried so many times while watching." Next thing you know you're watching the half-hour film by NGO Invisible Children, which aims to bolster international support for bringing Uganda rebel Joseph Kony to justice for crimes against humanity.

But does the viral video actually do anything to help Uganda? Cultist got in touch with an Africa expert at FIU to find out -- and you might want to read what he has to say before you click "like" and repost the video yourself.
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The following videos are not Disney-approved.

​Disneyland, Walt Disney World Resort's half-sibling on the West Coast, was dangerously unprepared for what hit them over the weekend.

A seemingly inebriated 53-year-old patron with a mean right hook went ape shit at the Anaheim park -- just outside the Tower of Terror, appropriately enough. A four-minute video (below) surfaced over the weekend that captures the angry guest dropping several f-bombs and a few punches.

In an effort to subdue the man, Disney employees were forced to use pepper spray. It's unclear why the guest turned to violence, but we can only speculate it had something to do with his Fastpass.

Theme parks are supposed to be fun, but sometimes people lose their shit -- and if you've ever waited in a two-hour line for a two-minute roller-coaster ride, you can relate. But the following videos show just how bad it can get when you fly off the handle in the middle of the Happiest Place on Earth. So before your next road trip to Orlando, watch these theme park fisticuffs to calm that aggression. And if necessary, pack sedatives.
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Jacob Katel

​Well before Skrawberry and Tip Drill were getting "paid more than most doctors" to work the pole, Don Bailey stripped down to his underwear and became the face of quality, affordable flooring in Miami.

Four decades later, the charismatic businessman is still selling carpet -- and wearing the same pair of underwear.

To celebrate 40-years in the business, Bailey recently debuted a brand new ad with an almost-naked senior citizen. The model? Bailey, of course.

We caught up with the Miami flooring king at his Biscayne Boulevard store and talked flooring, women, and conservative backlash. Check out our video.
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​We generally loathe the Shit [Insert Lame Stereotypes] Say meme. But when it comes to Shit Miami Girls Say ... and guys, it's spot-on. So we were super, super, super excited to see that the crew behind the original is back with Part 2.

Check out all the new additions to the list of Miami speech quirks after the jump.
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​The English Department at Florida State University was a really neat place to meet some gnarly characters. That's where I met Michelle Sicars, one of the stars of Shit Miami Girls Say...and guys.

I remember thinking, this girl's really out there, after reading a short, quirky story she'd written about a mushroom trip-gone bad at a Dave Matthews show. It was a groovy piece, and I knew then that the world would eventually laugh out loud the way I did as soon as her shit went viral.

Fast-forward several years and her (constipated) shit did in fact go viral. With her friends Aime Carrero and Giancarlo Sabogal, Sicars' Shit Miami Girls Say...and guys video is a YouTube hit.

Check out the Q&A I did on Facebook with Sicars after cut.
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​If you only watch one fake pizza ad featuring a severed penis today, make it this one. Pizza Boomerang, a video from the folks at Sofa Experience Communications, is hands-down the best pizza commercial we've seen this year.

It all starts with a low-rent Thor look-alike, cooking up a boomerang-shaped pizza. When it's ready to eat, faux Thor raises it to the sky and emits a mighty roar before thrusting it into the land of mere mortals.

This, of course, is no ordinary pizza. The mere smell of the heavenly pie is enough to stop a man who's about to jump to his death from a tall building. One touch of its crust is enough to satisfy any failed octopus grillers. And, of course, it's also a weapon, teaching flashers in the park a gruesome lesson. You just got served (pizza).

Needless to say, this video is NSFW. But we aren't exaggerating when we say you must watch it now now now. Click through to see Pizza Boomerang in all its glory.
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