Logan Fazio

Hot damn, y'all, it's finally Friday! The weekend is at our doorstep, politely knocking and waiting to be let in. Let it in, y'all!

Monday is Memorial Day, and some of us will have the day off (so sorry for those who don't, we'll relax doubly just in your honor).

South Beach will be a tourist fest, so if you want to keep away from it completely, do these things instead.

But for those of you who aren't afraid of having some visiting company in the Magic City, we present you with the ten best things to do all over Miami this weekend. Because, you know, this is our city -- and if something's ours, we'll take it with no limitations.
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Ciara Osorio

This week was cray, y'all. Thank Cultist, it's Friday!

We have so much lined up for you this weekend, it should be illegal.

One of the biggest and sexiest conventions is in town -- surely you've heard about it. The biggest names in porn are here in our quaint city, and they're ready to do dirty things to it.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Big Mango, anyway? Alexis Texas would know. Ron Jeremy would, too (sorry for the bad visual).

Aside from all the sexiness, we've got a load (mind out of the gutter, please) of other things to do during our 48 hours of freedom. Go out and have a good time, kids. Be outlandish. Be unabashed. You're in Miami, and that's what we're here for.

Here are the top ten things to do in our prudish city this weekend. (Hehe! Just kidding.)

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So, President Obama supports gay marriage.

He just moved up 69 cool points in our book, y'all!

Even better news than that, though, is this: It's finally Friday. At long last, we can kiss the last four days of torture goodbye. In about six hours, you'll be free to partake in any debaucheries you choose. Participate to your heart's content (no, really, we strongly encourage it). Ah, the weekend. Perhaps celebrate our nation's queerness with extra short shorts, eh?

What ever scandalous apparel you decide to don, here are the 10 best things to do in the Big Mango this weekend. Get scantily clad, y'all! And word to your mother (because Sunday is Mother's Day).
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Lex Hernandez

Ay caramba! It's Friday, y'all. Finally.

In a few hours, it'll be time to unleash your inner Mexican. We know we have one (no, really, we're Mexican). During this time of the month, gringos come out from their St. Patty's Day shells. Cinco de Mayo is the day we separate the men from the boys -- with tequila. It's a time-honored tradition, and if you can't handle your Patron, we kindly ask you to go home, bro.

You have exactly one day to prep for the shit-show that will fester along the streets of the Big Mango tomorrow. Lucky for your 9-to-5, you have all day Sunday to recover. If worse comes to worst, you can always just call in sick (say you ate too many worms). So bring out those fake mustaches, dust off that old sombrero, don white linen pants and a poncho. Let it all hang out this weekend, amigos.

Without further ado, we give the 12 best things to do in our fake Mexican city, meng.
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Miami can be so annoying, bro.

Irregardless of our broken English, poor syntax, and tik-tiki music, the Big Mango can be tremenda mierda sometimes. From shitty drivers to Pitbull's overuse of the word "dale," there's so much shit to be embarrassed about.

Pero at the end of the day, Miami's better than Tampa, right? We doubt that their weekend guide's as diverse as ours. And that whole Gulf of Mexico thing? Whack. It's all about the Atlantic, baby. No oil spills on this side, bitches.

Here are the 11 best things to do in Miami this weekend.
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popstarsplus.com

Hey, y'all, guess what? It's Friday!

But, today isn't just any Friday. No, no. This day rolls around only once a year. (That "roll" pun was intended, by the way.) It's April 20, otherwise known as 4/20, man. It is the only day on the great American calendar that gives us the excuse to walk into work 200 percent blazed.

For the next 24 hours, the good citizens of Miami will be smoking, and eating, and smoking some more. While we don't condone the outright illegality of marijuana, we're not shy enough to say things won't be a little, shall we say, laid back today.

So, here's to a prosperous high holy day for you all. Don't worry, we'll be celebrating we're already celebrating with you too.

If you're not too blasted to move after today, here are the 10 best things to do in our smoked up city this weekend.
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George Martinez

Holy bananas, it's Friday y'all!

What a crazy week it was. First we all had the painstaking task of recovering from our Passover and Easter hangovers. What, are you saying you didn't get shit-faced? Then, we had to deal with Tuesday through Thursday, which is always a certified drag.

Speaking of drag, the Pride parade will undoubtedly be the highlight of the weekend. Do you have your sequined boas and Robert Clergerie knockoffs ready? If not, you should probably look into getting them really soon. It's like the saying goes: "If you want them to know there's steak for dinner, you've got to let them hear it sizzle."

Oh, Miami will be sizzling, all right.

Here are the 10 best things to do in the gayest city this side of the Mississippi (an honor that couldn't make us any prouder).
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Sweet zombie Jesus! It's Friday, y'all! You know what that means: let's fast!

Okay, so maybe we're not all fasting for Passover Seder tonight. Maybe the rest of us are greatly anticipating what the Easter bunny will bring to our backyards Sunday morning. You better hope it's not steamy and brown, that's all we're sayin'.

The clock is ticking, kids. And when the clock strikes 5:00 today, you'll officially have a little over 48 hours to do what you wish with your hooligan selves. You could be totally innocent and only take part in religious festivities. Or you could be like us: get wasted the nights before and then go to religious festivities. Yep, you get the best of both worlds that way.

Alcohol and rabbit poo aside, here are the 10 best things to do in this holy city of ours.
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​It's Friday, y'all. You know what that means:

"Shots shots shots shots
shots shots shots shots
shots shots shots shots
shots shots shots shots
IT'S THE WEEKEND!"

Yes, we rewrote the lyrics to LMFAO and Lil' Jon's song, "Shots." If anyone has any qualms about it, please feel free to know we don't give a damn.

What a hellish week it's been, eh? If it's not one thing it's another - you've got your boss hounding you down and you're in way over your head at work. Geez, when are we all gonna catch a break? Soon, kids, real soon. Freedom is just a few hours away.

Here are the ten best things to do in the 305 this weekend - all of which are certain to contribute to copious amounts of shots -- because you deserve a few, and you're in Miami, bitch.
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​Sweet holy Jesus, it's Friday, y'all! For five grueling days we've been schlepping on with our ridiculously mundane lives. But finally -- yes, finally -- we've arrived at the best part of the week: the weekend! Oh, weekend, how we love thee.

Anyway, have you prepped your livers for all the alcohol this weekend? Have you plenty of bottled water to rid you of the toxins from whatever pills you pop? Hey, we're not shy, and we're definitely not ignorant. Ultra's this weekend, so at the very least, prep your corneas for abundant sightings of glitter and spandex everywhere. Take a cab, walk, or bike where you can. And don't forget: Biscayne Boulevard northbound near Downtown is closed for the fest.

Are we leaving anything out? Oh, yeah, have an effing amazing time.

So, without further ado, here are the 10 best things to do in our soon-to-be liquid glitter-covered and neon spandex-infested city.
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