starcasm.net

How you doin, Miami?

Have you ever seen the Wendy Williams Show? If you answered, no, it's fine. It's our guilty pleasure too, and we don't blame you for denying it.

The daytime syndicated talkshow isn't really original relative to every other syndicated talk show in America, however, it does have a gem that makes the entire thing worth it.

When you meet someone for the first time, the introduction usually goes something like, "Hi, I'm Alex, how're you?" But on the Wendy Williams Show, Williams asks her talkshow guests, "how you doinnnnnnnnnnn?" With that same long emphasis on the nnnnn.

Bottom line, it's hysterical, and we've included a tutorial here so you can jazz up your next introduction.

Also, happy weekend, ya'll.

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Be prepared for a lot of these this weekend.

Animals have an innate sense when it comes to therapy for people. Dogs can sense an epileptic seizure before it even happens, and you can't.

They love unconditionally, and provide warmth and protection. For you it depends on your mood.

They're pretty much the best non-humans ever. In fact, our pets should be considered super humans. They're so much better than us. They don't complain. They're quiet when they eat. They cuddle with you when you're feeling sad. They make you laugh when they're just being themselves.

Seriously. WTF, humans. We could learn a thing or two from our pets.

Good thing there's a whole day dedicated to them this weekend. (By the way, don't forget this Sunday is Mother's Day.)

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idolator.com

Every Friday we give you a weekend guide to help you plan your debauchery-filled days off from work. We browse and sift through the 305's best options and narrow it down to a handful of awesome choices.

We strive for clever tags lines for each event, and pick related videos for each of the three days. This weekend's featured video is "Decisions" by Borgore featuring Miley Cyrus.

Lame? At first, super. But upon further examination, you will come to enjoy this ridiculous compilation of noise, ass, titties, and Cyrus' bad make-up.

Once you get past the wannabe-ness of it all, it becomes the best damn laughing spectacle you'll have this morning.

Happy weekend, y'all.

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Wikipedia CC

Braaaains / so hungry / braaaaains -- zombie poetry

O, Friday.

O, Weekend.

O, Miami.

The next three days mark your final chance to participate in Miami's quirky poetry festival. Want a poetic tattoo? Done. Wanna dress like a zombie and roam the South Beach streets? Go for it. All in the name of literature.

Of course, here in Miami, there's poetry wherever you look, even if it's in the club at 4 a.m. Here's where to get inspired this weekend.

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idolator.com

Well, it's been a really, really bad week, to say the least.

What with all of these tragedies happening in Boston and Texas, it almost makes us think there's no hope for anything good happening ever again.

We can't speak for that, because we only know as much as the next person, but we can try to relieve ourselves from all the recent stress and try to relax.

Thankfully, Miami always has something to bring our downed spirits up, and make us feel a little better.

Here's to wishing happier times for everyone.

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musicconnection.com

Kenny Chesney

You know who's in town right now? Kenny Chesney.

You know who we're gonna pounce on as soon as we see him? Kenny Chesney.

There's a slew of country music's finest in town for the Tortuga Music Festival this weekend. Kenny Chesney's just one of them, but with him comes Grace Potter, Sister Hazel, Lynyrd Skynrd, The Avett Brothers and so many more.

We here in Miami don't get much of a country vibe as opposed to our north-of-the-border counter-parts, but that doesn't mean we can't relish in fun times.

Grab a cold beer and hit the beach for one of South Florida's best dang'on country shows this side of the state line.

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Show of hands -- how many of you didn't get washed away by the treacherous storms last night? We're pretty surprised we didn't lose power, but the windows sure felt like they were gonna blow in. Oh, Miami. You're so cute, so pretty. But, girl, when you go apeshit with storms, it makes us feel like we have no hope for fun on the weekend.

Good thing we know better.

Here now are the ten best things to do this weekend -- because we'd have to revoke our 305 card if we didn't know how to handle a little rain (and thunder and lightening and tornado warnings and such). Pshh.

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time.com

While you're sleepily sifting through your Facebook timeline this morning, you're probably still seeing red human rights flags pepper the screen.

It's been the talk of every town whose folk know what's up.

The talk will for sure carry on throughout the weekend and the next few months until the Supreme Court decides that marrying the person you love, no matter male or female, is constitutional.

We've nagged that your red flags on Facebook and Twitter basically mean nothing, but remember this: Every gay man and woman who sees that gesture, albeit small, of support from friends and family drives a greater cause to helping them believe they can marry who they want one day. And hope, friends, can go a very long way.

So have a drink in a gay's honor this weekend, y'all! And look fabulous doing it.

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George Martinez

Ready, Miami?

Ultra Music Festival, Weekend Dos, is here.

More glitter! More sequins! More fur! More masks! More triangle bikinis! More boobs! More butts!

So this is all kind of a big deal because Miami has never before experienced a double weekend of Ultra. Like, never.

The city might explode if we can't handle it, so handle it, Miami!

Handle that shit (with grace) so we can have Ultra back next year.

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Ian Witlen

Uhntz, uhntz, uhntz,

Well, Miami, there's not much going on this weekend.

No huge music festival that draws thousands of EDM fiends from around the world. No popping mollies. No free Wi-Fi. No Snoop Lion.

*Record scratch*

OK, we draw the line there. We can't NOT have Snoop Lion. That's just too much.

Have fun at the first weekend of Ultra and Winter Music Conference, kids!

Remember these wise words from your all-knowing Granny Cultist: If a tree does not treat you the way you want to be treated, you deserve better.

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