Shell Game

Categories: Flotsam

Royal Dutch Shell (commonly known as Shell Oil) raked in $6.3 billion last quarter. That's almost $2.3 billion more than they made last year during the same stretch of time.

Meantime, we're getting reamed at the pump, half of Asia wants our heads on a spear and God's rolling out vengeful hurricanes like a drunk at a bowling alley.

So what would you do if you were a Dutch Billionaire trying to convince Miami you're a nice guy?

How about sending them Barbara Terry —- a wholesome lookin' girl-next-door who just happens to know a lot about cars. Terry (Shell calls her Dr. Fuel Good) came to town recently to tell people what they can do to make their cars more fuel efficient.

Terry was kind enough to take time out to talk with Riptide about oil.

Riptide: What are you doing in Miami?

Terry: Helping Americans understand their cars and the benefits of top-tier gasoline.

Riptide: How much did Shell Oil make last year?

Terry: I wouldn't know how much Shell or other companies are making.
Riptide:Why is gas so expensive?

Terry: I don't know why all gas is so expensive. Isn't there a shortage of it or less of it? I can help you with fuel stretch tips. Make sure you've got the proper tire pressure, switch your air filter out every 15,000 miles, remove excess weight from your car (like a bowling ball in the trunk). Make sure to get regular tune ups.

Riptide:How long do you think we'll be able to continue to rely on fossil fuels?

Terry: I think they'll be around for a long time; I mean, look how long we've been using them...gas'll be around...

And that was it! Tune in next week when Riptide asks Phillip Morris' Professor Puffin how cigarettes can give you a brighter smile.-Calvin Godfrey


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