e-Fire and e-Brimstone

Inexplicably, death and pestilence have yet to descend on the heads of Miami Beach Mayor David Dermer and his malevolent minions at the city council. But have no fear: That day is drawing near, as surely as the Second Coming will take place next Wednesday at noon.

Dermer and the council had the temerity to suggest that Florida end its run as the nation's only state with a total ban on adoption by gays. Since the city's resolution to oppose the ban passed unanimously last week, Dermer's office has been flooded with more than 500 e-mails and phone calls, according to spokesman A.C. Weinstein. Only two callers spoke against the resolution. "They were just talking about God's wrath on homosexuals and that kind of thing," Weinstein said.

That's right, Weinstein. You better hold on tight, because the next call will be from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. That is, unless, Dermer and his ilk get right with God. They must write up another resolution in support of the adoption ban, along with a ban on masturbation, the United Nations, dancing, women's suffrage, rock and roll, movies and shrimp.

If not, Dermer and his gang of secular sissies can expect to stay home when the Rapture comes to town. - Rob Jordan