Fisher Islanders Go On Strike

Today, from 3 to 6 p.m. the waiters, cooks and housekeepers of Fisher Island are staging a protest at the Ferry landing off of MacArthur Causeway. Approximately 1000 underlings are pissed off, it seems, that their super-rich overseers have decided not to provide them with a living wage and health benefits.

According to statistics provided by the Service Employees International Union, providing health benefits for the island’s employees would run about $1.6 million –not too bad, considering the average worth of each of the island’s residents is $10 million. Taken together, the rich motherfuckers on Fisher Island are worth a whopping $2.16 billion. Fisher Island’s Human Resources director could not be reached for comment.

So make sure to honk your horn and stuff in support of these poor bastards. Aren’t you glad you live in a cool democracy -- and not one of those lame socialist-democratic Scandinavian ones where people don’t hold these kinds of protests? God it feels good to be an American. --Calvin Godfrey