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When we think of Diana Abu Jaber, we think of delicious, warm, sweet things.

Her first novels – Arabian Jazz, Crescent, and The Language of Baklava – touched upon issues of Middle Eastern identity and family, intermingling traditional recipes with homespun wisdom and densely layered characters. Abu Jaber, who splits her year between a teaching gig at Portland State and enjoying the sunshine here in the 305, is currently basking in the praise for her latest novel, Origin, which is neither warm nor sweet. It’s a chilly thriller with a Caucasian protagonist, set in the bleak tundra of Syracuse. We caught up with the author in Buffalo, where she was making one of several appearances at bookstores in upstate New York.

Lots to do! First, the pan-activist group Emerge Miami, the Liberty City-based community nonprofit Weed and Seed, and the City of Miami Police Department will be hosting a kids' bike ride this Saturday. David Chiverton, CEO of Weed and Seed, describes the ride as an attempt to bring together kids from different neighborhoods – especially Little Haiti, Liberty City, and the Upper East Side – to show them "that the challenges that face the youth are the same no matter what ethnic groups they come from," says Chiverton. Through donations and special rates, the organizers of the ride have managed to come up with several dozen bikes for kids who don't already have one. Miami's Critical Mass (the Saturday one) will be joining the ride as well, making it without a doubt the one and only place to be: 11:30, this Saturday, at the Liberty City Community Center at NW 14th Ave and 62nd Street. Critical Massers can meet at the Culmer Metrorail station at 10:00 and bike over to the event.

For the next six Saturdays following the ride, folks from Emerge Miami will also be giving bike workshops for kids at the Liberty City Community Center, on topics ranging from urban bicycling to bike maintenance to "How to trick-out your bike." They need volunteers: anyone interested should call Maggie at 786-624-1984.

Alright, that looks like a nice bike. But it looks like he’s wearing goggles. Also, I’m not sure why bikers insist on wearing bandanas. They don’t make you look cool. Actually, you just look stupid because you’re not wearing a helmet. Being safe is always in style.

Growing up in the ‘90s, I had my fair amount of exposure to drugs. Sure, unlike my parents, I didn’t witness the drug-heavy hippie-era, but at 13 years-old, I did sing along with Dr. Dre as he promised to “smoke weed everyday.”

Although the opportunities were there, I never did smoke weed. A few years ago, I committed to live an alcohol and drug free lifestyle and claimed Straight Edge. Straight Edge emerged in the punk hardcore scene in the early 1980s as a reaction to the self-destruction that characterized punks. It is a philosophy that promotes self-control and a drug and alcohol-free lifestyle. My decision to be drug-free was based on my acknowledgment of the negative impact of substance abuse on our society. I claimed edge because I related to its adherents and believed in the philosophy.

On June 4, The Miami Herald printed an article regarding marijuana use in the United States. According to the article, in 2005, 16.6 percent of people 18 to 25 reported having used marijuana. Although this age group's marijuana use has increased slightly over the past ten years, the number of people smoking pot in the U.S. has remained relatively consistent.

As a student at Brandeis University, I'm well aware of the frequent use of marijuana by college students. It doesn’t bother me when my friends smoke responsibly on occasion, but I won't be in the same room with them when they do.

On June 22, 1986, before the days of instant replay, in a quarter-final World Cup match-up between England and Argentina in Mexico City, Diego Maradona had the game of his life. He scored two goals, securing Argentina’s 2-1 victory, and while the second came to be called “the goal of the century,” it was the first goal of the match that went down in history.

It became known as the “Hand of God” goal (Mano de Dios): Six minutes into the second half, with no goals scored, Maradona was deep in England’s penalty box when he caught a ball that had been mis-kicked by English defender Steve Hodge – with his fist, and scored. No one realized it was a handball, and the goal – infamously – stood. Maradona denied a handball until many years later; at the time he credited “un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios” (“a little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God”).

The “goal” transformed what may have been a tie into an Argentine victory – and the team went on to win the Cup. So don’t be surprised if there aren’t any British takers for the new Tivoli condo/office project on 39th Street and Biscayne Boulevard, which will feature eighteen offices, 72 residential villas, and, in the middle, Diego Maradona Piazza, including a statue of the international football star.

Sometimes this town can make you feel like a garden snake trapped in a viper pit. Life can be frustrating and hard and dangerous. It is times like these that you need to go have a fucking milk shake… and look at some fucking monkeys.

Head out to Florida City and keep driving until there’s nothing around but a weird little fruit stand called Robert is Here. Sidle up to the window and order a milk shake. Make it a large. Have them put all the good shit in there: Orange, Key Lime, Coconut, Mango. Gnaw on some Jack Fruit and Mamey and all the other stuff that nobody else in the country ever gets to try.

Then get back in your car and drive down the road suckin' down that crazy, tropical nectar. Stop at the Everglades Outpost. Check out the toothless Lemur that is in love with a white rabbit. And the pair of tigers that some stripper decided she just couldn’t take care of anymore.

Best of all, gawk at some monkeys. They’re basically you…with nothing to worry about. --Calvin Godfrey

The formal public hearing for Miami 21 started at about 10 a.m. Thursday, with a packed commission chamber and an optimistic and sunny address by Mayor Manny Diaz. "This is not just a pretty picture on paper," he said. "It is not a perfect plan … but this will make Miami a city that makes sense."

Miami: The City that Makes Sense. Kinda has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

James Burnett begrudgingly watched Larry King’s interview with Paris Hilton last night only to be disappointed as King offered Hilton relatively non-threatening questions.

The nation has been fascinated with Hilton’s arrest and imprisonment, and upon her release, her interview with King stirred up much undeserved hype.

Burnett suggested several questions King could have asked, if he had any balls:

You've vehemently denied that you are a racist, and yet you've been captured on tape a number of times referring scornfully to specific black people as niggers and even calling your friends that word while laughing hysterically. Based on those tapes, why should we believe you are not a racist?

To read the rest of the blog, go here. --Lauren Papiernik

Floral shirts have never been in, yet guys like this will always wear them. He’s got a crazy mustache going, too. His friend is playing it safe, and really, that’s a good thing. Risks are not always worth taking.

Michael McCrossen Saturday - June 23, 2007 2:07 PM To: Subject: Moving to Miami- Any recommendation

Hi Lee-

My girlfriend and I are relocating to Miami from Philadelphia in about a month. We eat out quite a bit up in Philly, and are completely unfamiliar with the Miami restaurant scene. We eat pretty much any cuisine, but especially love Italian, Mexican, Spanish/tapas and Thai. Any suggestions, particularly for places that are more reasonably priced, to get us started when we get down?

Mike

Hey Mike—

If you’re going to constantly pester people for information you can easily look up yourself, do us all a favor and stay in Philadelphia. Heh-heh. Just kidding -- or, as Glinda the Good Witch said to Dorothy: You’re not in the City of Brotherly Love anymore. But let’s see if I can’t offer some brotherly advice just the same.

This is a great tapas town. Try El Carajo International Tapas and Wine, situated in the back of a Citgo gas station off US 1 and SW Seventeenth Avenue (corvina ceviche; grilled sardines; picadillo pepper puffed with bacalao -- all cheap!). Happy Wine and Gourmet on Tamiami Trail is a wine shop where you can munch on sandwiches and tapas such as garlic-marinated white anchovy fillets (boquerones). It’s not really about the food, though. Come 4:00 p.m. Saturdays, Cuban musicians pick up instruments the party begins. Most Miami wine bars (and there are lots) put out credible tapas as well.

The fellas over at Men’s Health have put together a list of America’s most (and least) hardworking cities for men. The rankings are based on the number of residents who actually work, the amount of overtime they put in, commute times, stress-related health issues, and unused vacation days.

Whew. That’s a lot of work. What city do they live in? Anyway, with #100 being the most hard-working, Miami boys came in at an under-achieving #29. We came in behind New York City, which is going strong at a surprising #37. But still we’re 78 paces behind the hardest working city in the U.S.: Manchester, New Hampshire. But hell, is that a title we even want to hold? Thanks to Men’s Health for seeing the glass as half-empty. Our guys actually like being the 29th most laid-back city. Manchester can have their “going postal” and late nights at the office. Meanwhile you can catch our dudes on the beach with something pretty, nursing a cold one. --Raina McLeod

Several bloggers, including Babalu, 26th Parallel, and Uncommon Sense, have attacked Michael Moore for his portrayal of the Cuban healthcare system.

Henry at Babalu recounted his good experiences with the American healthcare system and criticized Moore’s efforts:

Is our system perfect? No, of course not. Are there serious problems? You betcha. But to throw the baby out with the bath water does not seem like a reasonable solution.

In a later post on the same website, Michael Moore’s Sicko is referred to as a fantasy film.

While many might disagree with Moore’s agenda, it seems as though much of the animosity geared toward him stems from his visit to Cuba. His film is bringing public attention to where it is desperately needed, as is apparent after the death of a woman in an emergency room last month. --Lauren Papiernik

That Carrie Meek sold out her constituency for $40 grand and a Cadillac Escalade is not a shocker. A year and three weeks ago, Miami New Times wrote how the former U.S. congresswoman, a revered political icon in Miami’s black community, was reaping dividends from private clients and local governments for her lobbying firm and her non-profit organization.

Last year alone, Miami-Dade and the City of Miami gave the Carrie Meek Foundation a combined $200,000. The county also handed her a $75,000 contract to lobby the federal government.

God knows how much money Lennar Homes, the Limestone Products Association and the Wackenhut Corporation have paid Meek to peddle their schemes to the four blacks on the county commission. In Miami-Dade County, lobbyists do not have to disclose how much their clients pay them.

If you’d like to know more about the retired politician’s finances, the good folks at eyeonmiami sneak a peek into Meek’s foray into the volatile condo market.

Francisco Alvarado

The much-awaited Miami 21 plan will have its first reading at tomorrow’s city commission meeting at 9 a.m. For those who aren’t well-versed on the intricacies of New Urbanism principles, Miami 21 is a proposed overhaul of the city’s zoning code. In other words, it’s a blueprint that will (allegedly) make the city more liveable. City officials use phrases such as “smart growth,” “open space” and “pedestrian friendly” to describe the components of the plan (phrases that aren’t usually used to describe our fair city).

Will any residents show up at the meeting? Does anyone care? Or are city residents so beaten down by scandals, traffic and unaffordable housing that Miami 21 will be seen as another bureaucratic mess? Stay tuned.

For Miami 21 details, go here. Transit Miami, Critical Miami and Boom or Bust: Miami also offer analysis on the issue. -Tamara Lush

UPDATE: Santos informed New Times this morning that the show described below has been cancelled. The mariconsons won't be coming home tonight.

The mariconsons are coming home tonight when Spanish language radio personalities Enrique Santos and Joe Ferrero hit the stage at Miami Improv in Coconut Grove.

The last time Miami heard Santos and Ferrero was this past March 5 when the dynamic radio duo abruptly quit their popular morning show El Vacilon de la Mañana on El Zol 95.7 FM while on the air. They left the Coral Gables-based radio station after another Zol personality mocked Vacilon.

Prior to their departure, the hosts had owned the coveted 6 to 11 am time slot with their raucous brand of lewd jokes, political satire, and on-air prank calls. They gained notoriety when they suckered Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez. Some of their other hijinks included pretending Santos had died on April Fools Day.

Earlier this month, Santos and Ferrero signed a five-year, multimillion dollar deal with Univision Radio. The pair can be heard on New York’s La Kalle 105.9. But due to a non-compete agreement with their former employers, Santos and Ferrero won’t be on Miami’s airwaves until next year. --Francisco Alvarado