Blogs

Last week, Riptide reported the unveiling of two new bus "shelters" (think benches with roofs) outside the Miami U.S. Veterans Medical Center at 12th Avenue and 16th Street. Mayor Diaz himself cut the ribbon, with three city commissioners, one city manager, and a small flock of corporate flacks from Fuel, the contractor responsible for putting in the other 598 shelters promised around the city.

Riptide made fun of them all, because the shelters are so small.

Yesterday, a comfy week later, the Herald ran its own story about the modification with the headline: "Dade bus riders score victory with shelters."

It's too bad the Herald used a week-old picture to accompany its week-old news. Had they checked-in more recently, they might have seen fit to run gloomier story: last time we checked the shelter outside the VA at around noon on a weekday, we found its four seats occupied and - surprise of surprises - about twelve more people standing outside the shelter, waiting for bus in the full brunt of the South Florida sun.

We don't disagree that somebody "scored" - but it's probably not the riders. Or city tax-payers. -- Isaiah Thompson

Stuck on the Palmetto took a real estate article in this morning's Herald as an opportunity to call out stupid home buyers who signed adjustable rate mortgages without fully understanding the consequences:

Call me heartless, but I feel the same type of sympathy for these people as I do Spirit Airlines customers who pay $29 for a ticket from here to Jamaica only to find out that they have to stand in endless check-in lines at the airport, pay for checked baggage and pay for a glass of Sprite on the plane.

What do you think? Read the rest of the blog.

Miami Vision Blogarama posted an item this morning in support of using prisoners to fill jobs that would be vacated if illegal immigrants were deported en masse:

Yes, we know these are not revolutionary ideas and that it's been done before (and suspect it disappeared over time because of political correctness and economics) but times have changed. If putting prisoners to work in our fields and roads will reduce the cost of living in Florida, we say go for it.

Wow! When you put it so simply, it does sound like a great idea, doesn't it? I'm sure those issues of economics and political correctness can be cast aside without a thought because, after all, "times have changed."

Unfortunately when you take reality into account, and a state like Colorado which has already tried this approach, the "chain gang" idea is exposed for what it is ... idiotic.

Read The Inmate/Immigrant Dilemma from Southwest Florida's Coastalbeat.com blog pages for a broader look at the issue. -- Tovin Lapan

“Connected sky top gardens,” said one response.

“Breathable fabric required,” the next.

Good evening, my name is Julia Tuttle, typed the woman at the old-fashioned desk. She was wearing a billowy floral print dress and 19-th century bonnet and wouldn’t speak. She would only type, seated there at the keyboard of her high-end Mac.

What do you hope to find here? she asked the next person in line.

“Citywide holiday for Art Basel,” said a middle-age man wearing dark horn-rimmed glasses.

“Permanency,” said the next woman in line.

That’s rare here. But now we’re 111 years old.

“Julia Tuttle” identified herself as a “wealthy widow from Ohio” – typing these words onto the flat screen display of her Mac.Tuttle, you may or may not know, was one of Miami's founders.

Tell me what you would like to incorporate into new Miami?

Transportation.

Sanity!

Myself!

By the time the tenth person in line responded, “A million dollars,” you began to realize there were some good ideas out there. Julia Tuttle was just one of a handful of performance pieces and gallery displays on view at the 111th birthday party for the City of Miami staged Saturday night at Edificio Jose Marti, 801 3rd Avenue S.W.

Dear Krispy Kreme,

When we first met, I was still so young. My metabolism posed no threat to our hot and steamy trysts. Everything was all so fresh and new.

I admit, I got a little obsessed. Not in a creepy, calling-you-and-hanging-up sort of way. It was more like a late-night-Internet-trawling-for-your-picture sort of crush.

Our planned rendezvous were enough to get me through the most mundane parts of college. It was you who got me through studying for the genetics final; I can now only remember the cloned sheep’s name was Dolly.

But, like Dolly, our passion couldn’t last.

It didn’t feel so special when you started showing up at truckstops and gas stations. It felt so dirty. Soon, I started to see the real you - the carbs and the fat - beyond your sweet act.

It seems like I’m not the only one who has discovered the real you. When I heard you picked up and left two spots -- one in Doral, another in South Miami -- I have to say I wasn’t surprised. The man who answered your main number confirmed it. You left last month. But he wouldn’t tell me why.

I did find this last Miami address for you when I thought about saying goodbye in person: 590 N.E. 167th St. Your last stand.

Wishing you all the best, whatever streetcorner you end up on. But, I’m sorry Krispy, it will have to be without me. --Janine Zeitlin

An Evening With Sandra Bernhard
The Colony Theater
July 27, 2007

Better Than: A drag show

Sandra Bernhard can channel Mick Jagger better than any chick rocker. Last night, in her show at the Colony Theater, the 5-foot, 10-inch comedian showed off her legs while strutting her stuff on a fierce pair of Minolo Blahnik shoes.

"An Evening With Sandra Bernhard" a crafty mix of music and comedy, was all delivered in her signature "if you don't like it screw you" kind of way. What else would you expect?

During the first show of her four-performance stint Friday and Saturday, the acerbic comedian came out fighting. The opening number, with Bernhard walking in to the theater from the right of the auditorium bathed in a white spotlight was supposed to quake the rafters of the Colony, but the angry anthem from "Dreamgirls" – "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going" – lost its steam when the wireless mic kept cutting in and out giving the song an annoying rat-a-tat. She dismissed it until she climbed up the stairs and in to the audience to deliver her opening speech and had no mic at all.

The technical troubles plagued her until her tech team told her the problem was due to limited range at which point Bernhard decided to play the whole show from a 2X4 spot at center stage. No matter, it didn't stunt her style except to offer plenty of fodder for "out of range" to become the evening's running joke.

On with the show. Bernhard's delivery is the “pal next door” – the one who takes over the party telling story after story. She's an incessant name dropper – Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks lives in the same Manhattan apartment building and was having a fit one day when her kids were watching Veggie Tales because it's "nothin' but Bible stories." Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders, a staunch vegan, once stopped at the apartment for Thanksgiving dinner – no turkey of course – chowing down a bunch of pies that were loaded with eggs and milk and not vegan at all.

Her encounters on airplanes also feature an array of recognizable names including a particular run in with the Rev. Al Sharpton, whom she called exploitative then tacked on a middle finger raised high to Al. Cheryl Tiegs, wrapped up in a fur coat, told Bernhard "life ain't what it used to be" while on an America West flight from Arizona.

Lately I’ve been checking out every 7-11 I’ve stumbled upon. Not because they have unbelievable gas prices or that I’m hopelessly addicted to scratch-off cards and day-old (Mmm) doughnuts, but because I’m on a quest. Not the most noble of quests, but a quest nonetheless.

A few months back I caught wind of 7-11’s supposed promotional stunt to temporarily replace Slurpee with Kwik-E-Mart Squishy cups in anticipation of the release of The Simpsons Movie. Ever since, I’ve heard the jingle of many a green and orange convenience store door. And although I know it’s still a Slurpee in a Slurpee cup that simply reads “Squishy” instead of “Slurpee,” there’s something about sipping that frozen, sweet nectar from a magical cup that reads “Squishy” that might make it taste slightly more delicious.

Yet, after some time searching, the promise of a tangible, 3-dimensional Squishy seems to merely be a myth in Miami at least, because all I’ve been able to find thus far in regards to Simpsons paraphernalia are twisty straws, sugar cookies, and Bartman comic books. Not a single Squishy, which leaves me with a sense of disgruntled discontent so pathetic that even Milhouse has the right to snub his nose.

So when I received an invite to The Forge’s release party for The Simpsons Movie on July 25 with promises of beer and Krusty the Clown serving hors'endeavors, my Comic Book Guy-soul was as happy as Lisa playing a sax duet with “Bleeding Gums” Murphy.

This is the first in a series of posts on the Bike Blog’s Bike Fears – those niggling questions that we try to avoid every time we mount that two-wheeler and ride into battle (or traffic). We start with this one: Do Helmets Make People Want to Kill You?

They’re annoying. They’re funny-looking; they’re expensive; they’re heavy and sweaty and those damn straps are always pinching on your chin. It just can’t be denied – bike helmets are a bummer.

They came, they posed, and one of them may have conquered. 23 year old Miami girl Arena Turner was chosen from the curvy pack at last year’s audition for Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance, which took place on March 5, 2006 at the Miami Marriott Biscayne Bay. If you’d like to celebrate full-figured beauty with Arena and catch the two-hour premiere of the show, head over to Silqui’s (2710 NW 167th St., Miami Gardens) on Saturday night at 8:00. The program will be shown on 42 inch plasma screens throughout the venue, and Arena plans to hand out tiaras to any plus size women in attendance, to encourage them to celebrate their beauty right along with her. Visit www.oxygen.com/monique for special sneak peeks at the show. --Patrice Yursik

The fuzzy longing for children’s soccer fields slated to occupy a county parcel behind the American Airlines Arena could be shoved aside by the memories of those with much more political muscle: Cuban exiles.

Decision-makers with the Bay of Pigs Museum & Library, the nonprofit that runs the museum’s current location in a modest Little Havana home at 1821 S.W. 9th Street, want to build a snazzy, three-level museum and library with an estimated price tag of $65 million on the controversial “Parcel B,” where plans for a county park seem to have dissolved.

“As the veterans get older, they’ve brought in a younger generation to help with fundraising to build a new state-of-the-art museum commensurate with the impact of the Bay of Pigs in the history of this hemisphere,” said Nick Gutierrez, a vice-president of the nonprofit that includes a powerhouse list of business executives, historians and Brigade 2506 veterans.

Now, they just want a prime spot for their dream museum. It looks like county leaders could be on-board. In a July 16 proposal by commissioners Bruno Barreiro and Joe Martinez, the recreation and cultural affairs committee asked the county manager to study the impact of putting the museum on Parcel B.

A contemporary Asian fusion restaurant is going to debut down the street from Michael’s Genuine Food & Drink in the Design District. Chef will be Timon Balloo, who has worked locally at Chef Allen’s, Azul at the Mandarin Oriental, and La Broche (in fact he spent a longer time at this groundbreaking Spanish establishment than some other chefs who have made careers from their "I worked at Broche" boasting). Balloo likely picked up his Asian chops while chef de cuisine at Sushi Samba Park in midtown New York.

FatBurger, Queen Latifah’s successful L.A. fast-food franchise, will be opening on Washington Avenue, while an outlet of McDonald’s Mexican chain, Chipotle Grill, is set to premiere in North Miami Beach, next door to the Total Wines superstore. More Mex will come to Mary Brickell Village when New York City’s long-acclaimed Rosa Mexicano debuts -- and Latin American-sushi fusion when Abokado Sushi Restaurant launches in the same Village.

The Texas de Brazil rodizio is staking another location above Monty’s South Beach, and star chef Michael Mina is bringing Bourbon Steak to Turnberry Isle -- the first time this resort is opening its restaurant to the public. The Touch folks, too, are putting out feelers for a steakhouse on Lincoln Road; meanwhile, the mall is getting ready to unveil the French bakery/café chain Paul’s.

Popular SoBe spot Sardinia is expected to expand, and nearby on the Beach’s west side will be a 24-hour coffee shop. The Mint Leaf, a highly regarded, contemporary Indian eatery from London, will be attempting to curry favor in Coral Gables. --Lee Klein

Pieter and Ineke Both of Indomania, which only started up on the Beach a few months ago, will be closing shop and taking August off so they can return to Amsterdam -- jeez, these Dutch people are lazier than the French! They say it’s to see family and look for Indonesian ingredients that are difficult to find in Miami. Re-opening date is set for September 4th. Look for New Times' review shortly thereafter. --Lee Klein

The first time I ever went to Colombia, I arrived in Bogota close to midnight. Starving, my friend and I ventured a few blocks away from our hotel in the unfamiliar city and quickly found a corner hot dog stand. Before we had time to object, the hot dog man was burying our perros in mayonaise, mustard, onions, pineapple and all other kinds of curious toppings. I hesitated, but that first Colombian meal was delicious. Now, as the blog Category 305 reports, Colombian hot dog guru Edgar Gomez is opening his first U.S. restaurant, La Perrada de Edgar, on Collins Ave.

Read the entire Category 305 blog item here. -- Tovin Lapan

Whoah, Cowboy Curtis! I think the secret word for today is nipples. Much like the pronunciation of the letter “L” in salmon, there’s something about a Stetson in Miami that just seems…wrong. First off, where are the cows? Sure, there were some pastures off of the Turnpike back in the 80s when Laurence Fishburne was lassoing a talking terodactyl on Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, but by the release of the Matrix those cows were as long gone as the ones that contributed to Neo’s leather pants. Okay, there is that incongruous horse country out in the middle of Kendall and plenty of rodeos down in Homestead, but there’s something about the sky blue tank top and the Rollerblades he was sporting that leads one to believe that this guy’s a little more John Voit than John Wayne.

Greener Miami has been contacted by the good people from ABC's Wife Swap reality show. Apparently they need an environmentally conscious family for the program. Has your family had a group hug around a tree lately?

Read the entire blog entry here.