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Eight perfect hours on a Sunday for most: coffee, newspaper, beach-lounging, museum or a movie.

Hugo Chavéz’s eight perfect hours on a Sunday: talking.

That’s right, the Venezuelan president set an 8-hour record with his most recent weekly Aló Presidente program (No. 295), a TV marathon that stretched from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. last Sunday. The Guardian reported that Chavéz rarely referred to notes and it was largely a one-man show. (He didn’t feature any special guests but did name-drop by a meeting planned Monday with Kevin Spacey.

To fill the hours, Chavéz added a splash of Sábado Gigante: singing and cracking jokes. And a smidge of social conscience when he called out parents who give daughters breast implants for their 15th birthday. At least, he didn’t use insult gays like another verbose marathon talker. I don’t know if he did. A lot can get said, and lost, in eight hours. --Janine Zeitlin

The Florida Board of Governors, which oversees our belaguered university system, voted on Thursday increase tuition by five percent.

They want to make us pay.

I wish they’d just stop.

So does Gabe Pendas, president of the United States Student Association, the nation’s largest and oldest student group. “The board of governors continues to make decisions that hurt students and Florida families,” he said, “instead of thinking in ways to work together to make education a priority.”

The beautiful thing is that Gov. Charlie Crist vetoed the increase…and former Senator Bob Graham wants the state to lose control over this sort of thing.

It’s a virtual battle of the titans. Or actually a battle of the wacko versus the bon vivant.

Les just hope they stop making college klds the victims!

Chuck Strouse

Publix is pathetic. And Winn-Dixie’s been wack. Even your neighborhood Milam’s will get a disinterested “meh” from local grocery shopping connoisseurs now. The brand spankin’ new Whole Foods in Coral Gables just opened, and the store owners have spared no expense in making it the most ridiculously awesome shopping experience for organic-hungry patrons. At a special sneak preview on Monday night, guided tours were given through the store’s sprawling 48,000 sq. foot expanse. There were samples galore and plenty to gawk at.

The first Chipotle Mexican Grill opened just weeks ago in North Miami, and now a South Miami branch is being readied to premier in the former Krispy Kreme doughnut shop on South Dixie Highway....Two Chefs is heading the opposite direction, the landmark South Miami restaurant debuting a second shop in the old Blue Oyster Grill location in North Miami later this year. In the meanwhile, chef/owner Jan Jorgensen just released Two Chefs' new “Fourth Quarter” menu....North One 10 has announced that it has reopened for lunch (Tuesday through Friday), and will continue its Miami Spice menu through November.

October will be a busy month for the Biltmore Hotel as it hosts a half dozen special wine, spirit, and culinary events. It begins October 9 with an Old World vs. New World wine tasting (Argentina, Australia, and the U.S. against France and Spain), and culminates on the 24th with a Wine & Spirits Around The World Dinner featuring selections of Champagne, Chablis, Pinot Noir, and Amarone, and a “very special Rémy Martin Louis XIII Cognac moment”. Biltmore chef Philippe Ruiz will provide exquisite fare to pair (call 305-913-3203 for details).

Ten Miami restaurants (including a couple that have since closed) are spotlighted in a new cookbook …

As the last days of summer wind down, celebs begin to detox as the tan lines fade. Some go into hibernation, others will go back to work, but either way, they can’t resist the novelties Miami has to offer. This past weekend, a few of your I Love The ’90s favorites appeared on the Beach for movie screenings, Asian eats and model behavior.

It’s been almost a decade since Jerry Seinfeld has been out of commission, but living off simulcast has its perks. The jokester got a few laughs this week at the VIP sneak preview of his new animated flick, Bee Movie (due out November 2) Monday morning. Arriving in a Volkswagen bee-themed Beetle, Seinfeld came strutting down a black carpet laced with yellow decorations, along with director Steve Hickner. They greeted VIPs and fans at the South Beach Regal Theater on Lincoln Road, and were met with warm feedback. After the footage rolled, Seinfeld headed over to Del Boca Vista to visit his parents delivering a marble rye all the way from Epicure (just kidding), the comic headed to the Shore Club where he conducted interviews for the remainder of the day. Fans gave the film two thumbs up, naming Bee Movie “the best animated movie of the year” and said “Seinfeld is a blast in person … and also good looking.” I’m guessing Seinfeld’s admirers consist mainly of Long Island migrants circa 1964.

Miami, you can appreciate this: Slate is celebrating "the art of buttock innovation—past, present, and future" as part of its new "Sex" edition.

The reason? "The October 2007 issue of King magazine, with buttock queen Kim Kardashian on the cover. Will she prove the fashion fulcrum for a new wave of buttock accentuation?" Follow the link for a bootylicious slide show.

The pictures are better than the captions: "Queen sang, 'Fat bottomed girls, you made the rockin' world go round' back in 1978. Yet slim-hippedness reigned until hip-hop and rap brought us Sir Mix-a-Lot's seminal music video line 'I like big butts and I can not lie' in 1992...'" Says Gawker, "As part of its 'Sex Issue,' Slate provides a slideshow tracking the role of gigantic asses filled with the kind of important cultural contextualization found above."

Right. As we said, just look at the pictures. --Frank Houston

Generation Engage has its work cut out for it. The nonpartisan youth-civic-engagement initiative is successful in other big American cities – in Washington DC and New York, Raleigh and Charlotte, the organization has found its feet and is actively working to get young people all shook up about politics, and raring to get involved. We wish them all the best as they come up against the apathetic party-and-bullshit façade that so many Miamians under 30 so proudly brandish.

But hope is in the air -- South Florida Outreach Coordinator Ali Ingersoll is smart and energetic, and she’s trying to plan the kind of events that thinking locals would get behind. To kick things off, tonight the group is presenting a free screening of The Kite Runner, the controversial film version of Afghanistani American author Khaled Hosseini’s best selling novel. The film is already earning glowing reviews, but it’s also creating strife for the young Afghani actors who had to act through some of the film’s most difficult scenes. Following the film, speakers from the local Afghani-American population will host a thoughtful Q&A session.

See it tonight at 6:30 at the Colony Theater on Miami Beach, 1040 Lincoln Rd, Miami Beach). GenGage is also looking for feedback from savvy locals who know the kinds of events they’d like to attend, so visit their website to make your suggestions. --Patrice Yursik

Predictably, I listen to National Public Radio. Last night, after an interview with an Iranian dissident they plugged The Nina Totin' bag named for Nina Totenberg, their legal affairs correspondent. Selling for $25, the online NPR shop says the knock-off of a Warhol (her mug is reprinted on canvas, splashed with neon) is in "extremely high demand." Apparently, radio listeners also have really bad taste and are unabashed about showing it. Okay, I can understand the $14.95 Car Talk Road Trip Journal. But a tote bag named for a reporter? That's a little much. What's next, a Diane Rehm rug steamer? Stained Ira Glass? A book of Terry Gross-out jokes? This is what happens when radio nerds brainstorm. Maybe I should get cable.

--Janine Zeitlin

The new CBS series that debuted last night stinks – even if it came with reduced commercials.

Problem is, the damn thing has no sense of humor. And it doesn’t let any of the drama really develop. It just kinda rushes along.

The good news: some of the Cuban accents sound really authentic. Jimmy Smits – as favorite son Alex Vega – has a really cool goatee. Hector Elizondo is great as his dad. And, hey, you can’t lose with Rita Moreno as the matriarch.

My favorite fact, though is that the series debut was sponsored by Chevy, which kept coming back again and again. Now, if you’re up on the news, you know that it debuted on the very same day the United Auto Workers went on strike for the first time in decades.

So let’s get this straight – the show’s about a family modeled on the Cuban Fanjul clan, which runs the American sugar industry – and allows subcontracted workers to be paid slave wages. And it’s sponsored by a company that is battling with its union like never before.

Maybe in the next episode, the crazy Duque clan will fight a union. Or get drunk and kill somebody. Think CSI : Miami or Miami Vice. -- Chuck Strouse

This week's Pic of the Week is of Miamian Gary Rhaney and his bicycle, which he put together himself using a kiddy wheel in front and a regular sized, but tireless, rim in the back. He calls the contraption "my security system - you got a tire, they'll steal your wheel; you ride on the rim, won't nobody touch it."

We met Rhaney last week, shortly after publishing in Riptide a letter by Mimo Biscayne Association president Fran Rollason in which she exhorted Upper Eastsiders to take up, among other things, the following credo in their dealings with the homeless: "NO MORE FOOD; NO MORE MONEY; NO MORE JOBS."

Rhaney, himself homeless, was busily sweeping up the parking lot outside of Enriqueta's Cafeteria - a job he's had for two years. We thought we'd ask him what he thought of Rollason's letter.

"You don't go and throw a person into the water, you throw them a lifejacket," says Rhaney. "[Enriqueta's owner] Jose gave me a chance - the lady who wrote that letter, she probably never gave nobody a chance."

A couple hundred people gathered in Doral at 12:01 a.m. Tuesday to buy the Halo 3 video game (the same one that Wired magazine recently called "a cultural touchstone.") For your viewing pleasure, here's a GamingBits video shot at the Circuit City early this morning that captures the madness:

What can I say? It's a slow, sweaty Tuesday afternoon in Miami. This made me laugh:

-Tamara Lush