Hankerin For Some D-Mac

Categories: Sports
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Got a bunch of e-mails regarding my post from Friday. Apparently I was a bit ambiguous about my stance on the whole Darren McFadden thing. Sorry. Stuffing, Tryptophan and a shit load of Jack and Coke had me feeling a little funky after that Arkansas-LSU game.

So here’s where I stand. I want Darren McFadden to be a Miami Dolphin. Used to be a day when I didn’t want McFadden. But there was also a time in my life when playing with my Optimus Prime action figure was of more interest to me than playing with girls' titties. But I eventually sat down and did some serious re-thinking on that whole thing and rearranged my priorities. People grow. People change. It's my right as an American. It's what Ben Franklin diddled big breasted French chicks for.

Here’s why I am now and will remain a Darren McFadden guy:


-The Dolphins, in case you have not noticed, suck. And by suck I mean they suck. They suck because of their lack of good players. Generally a lack of good players leads to the suck. It's simple arithmetic, really.

-Ronnie Brown is good. I love me some Ronnie Brown. But Ronnie Brown has not been able to finish an entire season without getting hurt and is now dealing with the worst kind of injury possible: the dreaded ACL tear.

-Darren McFadden is the best player coming out of college this year. It’s not even close. The man is a horse. 6-2, 215 lbs., 4.3 speed and durable. He was cast out of iron, fortitude, and from spare parts from the sixteen-wheeler used in the 1981 Mel Gibson sci-fi classic The Road Warrior. It’s true. Scientists broke into an Orlando area Planet Hollywood and stole the parts they needed (Nobody noticed because nobody was in the restaurant at the time because their food tastes like Bruce Willis took a shit on your plate and served it up with a side of coleslaw). In other words, McFadden is better than Vikings stud rookie running back Adrian Peterson and -- gasp! -- he’s even better than Ronnie Brown. The guy can dominate a game all by himself and pretty much single handedly just beat the #1 team in the country. You just can't pass on a guy like that if you have a chance to nab him. But, most importantly, HE GOT THAT WOOD!!!

-Imagine a trio of John Beck, Ted Ginn Jr. and Darren McFadden running our offense for the next ten years.

There are a lot of you who think the Dolphins should use that eventual number one overall pick and trade out of it for more picks. I understand your thinking. We have many needs and Darren McFadden can’t stuff the run or cover Randy Moss. Got it. But here’s where I differ. You have the number one overall pick, use it. I am a firm believer in drafting a sure-fire stud/star first before you fill needs. Playoff teams are made up of well-balanced rosters. Super Bowl winning teams are made up of great players. McFadden is the real deal, Nation. He’s a great player. And he needs to be a Miami Dolphin. There’s just no other way around it. I’m sorry.

Besides, we pass on him and he’ll likely end up either with the Jets, or with the Patriots (who hold the 49ers' 2008 pick. Nice, eh?). And no one wants that. That would suck like no tomorrow. McFadden is going to be the destructor of linebackers and safeties throughout the NFL for years to come. Let’s make sure he’s playing for us when he’s destroying opposing defenses and drinking the blood of the wicked.

And that’s where I stand with McFadden. Agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments. I’m still accepting applications for my staff for when the Fins hire me as their President of Football Operations and chief of the new Turning This Shit Around division. --Chris Joseph

Read more on sports by Chris Joseph


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