Keyshawn a Dolphin? Uh... How 'Bout No

Categories: Sports

Anyone else as indifferent about Keyshawn possibly coming to Miami as I am? I’d like to be optimistic and say, sure, we can use his veteran leadership and his experience will prove helpful to guys like Ted Ginn. Except that Keyshawn is a Grade A douchebag. Leadership? Keyshawn’s the first to jump ship when the iceberg hits. And, if you've been stupid enough to be a fan of this team, you know the icebergs come in droves.

When the whole Parcells-to-Miami-rumors thing started midway last season, this was exactly the thing I feared about bringing Tuna down here. Aside for his affinity for Big Gulps, Funyuns, and honey glazed ham, the guy fucking loves old players. Particularly old players whom he once coached. This is why it took him so long to go with young future Jessica Simpson banger Tony Romo over old Frankenstein Drew Bledsoe in Dallas. If we’re going to re-build, then let’s re-build. Let’s blow this shit up and start over. Cutting Zach Thomas was the first step. Let’s keep it going.

Instead of throwing away money on another old dude who’s been sitting around in a studio playing grab-ass with Chris Berman and Mike Ditka for the last year, let’s save some of that cash and spend it on one of the young WR free agents. Like, oh I dunno, Bryant Johnson or Andre Davis. Jesus, enough of the old people already!

My Dad swears his name is Shoeshine Johnson. I've never bothered correcting him.

So, to sum up, the only good thing that can come from signing him is to hear my Dad say, “Hey, what do you think of the Shoeshine Johnson signing?”

And that's it. -- Chris Joseph

For more on sports from Chris Joseph go to FinsNation.com.

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