Calvin Pace Will Break Windows With His Arm In New York

Categories: Sports

Calvin Pace, who smashed a window with his arm while playing grab-ass with some friends a couple of years ago, was waiting for Joey Porter money. And the Jets gave it to him. After being offered a contract by the Fins on Friday, Pace flew up to New York over the weekend to hear their sales pitch. In the end, it came down to who was going to give him the $20 million in guaranteed money. The Jets caved and offered Pace a whopping 6-year deal that will pay him $42 million, $22 million of it guaranteed.

Holy fuck that's a lot of money for a guy who essentially has had one good season in a 4-year career. I'm relieved it wasn't us who ended up over-paying for him. I wanted Pace to be a Dolphin -- but not for that kind of money.

I'm glad our front office came to their senses. Bill Parcells probably got a call from Pace's agent this afternoon, telling him what New York was offering. Parcells then said, "Hm. That's interesting. Maybe we can -- " then stopped mid-sentence and realized he was suddenly in a bidding war for Calvin Fucking Pace and said, "Eh, Beeel no here. No speaka English," and hung up.

The Jets have now overpaid for Alan Faneca and Calvin Pace. That comes to about $43 million in total guarantees to an aging offensive lineman and a linebacker who may, or may not, be just average. Ha ha fuck those guys.

Meanwhile, we've got Josh McCown. And John Beck. And Yeremiah Bell re-signed with us.

Some might say we've got a smart front office making wise moves. I say it's all Jesus. --Chris Joseph

For more on sports from Chris Joseph visit Finsnation.com

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