The heat was off the charts this weekend and we are fully into the summer season. Everyone talks about the summer lull that happens every year as tourists avoid the city due to the hurricanes and humidity. Well it seems like Miami didn't get the memo as events keep attracting sizable crowds.

SummerFest 2008 at the BankAtlantic Center

Lil' Wayne, Keyshia Cole and Akon heated things up Saturday night at Sunrise. SummerFest brought together some of hip-hop and R&B's up-and-coming acts with plenty of artists whose star wattage is off the charts.

I love aspartame. I love it so much that I used to inhale entire packs of Extra. As soon as they lost a smidgen of flavor, I’d pop in another stick. And another. A few hours later, I’d be surrounded by a heap of silver gobs and an empty pack. In desperate moments, I’d re-chew the gobs. (I know -- grossly out-of-control.) My stomach would gurgle for hours later. That couldn’t be healthy.

About two years ago, I swore myself (or at least tried) from aspartame after a friend’s neurologist recommended she steer clear of it. It’s been hard. It’s in so many fake foods I love: Diet Coke, Crystal Light, sugar-free butterscotch JELL-O. Full disclosure: I allow myself at least one dose a month. It usually comes in the form of a Diet Coke.

All Miami yogis who are hip to the scene know about The Standard’s regular Friday soiree, H2-Om. I headed there last night, as this was the om-fest’s big night – three years in the making – ode to the Miami Yoga community.

The shtick of the evening was the attendance of the Hare Krishnas from the Grove. They were there to pump some life into the scene, and it definitely worked – the place was so packed you could hardly move. Some had to bail because there just wasn’t enough room. No complaints here, as I strive to get close and sweaty with as many people as possible.

If you’re not familiar with the Krishnas, they are the ones who parade around the beach chanting (you guessed it) Hare Krishna. Once you get past the freak factor, you realize that this is a very cool cohesive crew. They led the evening’s Kirtan (where everyone sits around and chants). I have to say that I realized last night that the Grove’s Krishnas are sort of sexy, but then again I could have been hallucinating from the heat. Well, that and I have really freaky taste in men.

When NBA commissioner David Stern walked up to the microphone last night and said, “With the second pick in the 2008 NBA draft the Miami Heat select…” there was a collective sphincter-clenching angst that shot across Heat Nation. “Oh shit,” we all thought breathlessly, “are we going to hear any other name besides Michael Beasley, and if so, are we allowed to riot immediately?” Would the Heat actually have their own version of the Miami Dolphins 2007 NFL Draft when, rather than taking a potential franchise quarterback, the Dolphins went with a one-legged punt-returner instead?

After weeks and days and hours of the gut-wrenching, edge of your seat, puke in somebody’s Cup-O-Noodles, bite your fingernails to the nub, can’t stand the suspense so I’ll just punch a random stranger in the gonads tension that Heat President Pat Riley put us through, he eventually eased all the useless anxiety and did the right thing by drafting our man Beasley. Yes, Riley had himself a serious man-crush on one OJ Mayo. But just as he almost inexplicably drafted Chris Kaman over Dwyane Wade in 2003 but ultimately made the right decision, Riley eventually came to his senses and took the right guy again last night. Why he chooses to do this to us is beyond me. What a well-coifed asshole.

It’s probably one of the most anticipated events of the summer, Gen Art’s Shop Miami 2008, an event that packs local designers and boutiques into the Moore Building in the Design District. The event featured three floors of shopping bliss that was sure to please every Miami fashionista.

Local labels and boutiques like Ecoist, OurFlyLives, Nazly Villamizar, KRELwear, Bogosse and Amaya Swimwear were just some of the participants at this year’s event. My only quip with the event was the poor selection of menswear. Out of all the vendors there, I could only spot two hawking clothing for men. Since shopping was out of the question, I had to resort to the next best thing – getting drunk. And how could I not? 10 Cane Rum and Baileys were there handing out free cocktails. After my third rum and Coke, I had forgotten that Shop Miami was, well, about shopping.

Miami documentarian Claudia Forestieri is on to something. Or, at least, she’s picked a juicy enough topic for her latest project - which dives into what she calls “the bi-sexy phenomenon.”

“A bi-sexy female is someone who is straight, but projects the image of bisexuality because it’s perceived as cool or attractive,” she says. “I compare it to breast implants ten years ago.”

The comparison makes sense: It’s a fake-out. It’s popular in the clubs. And it’s usually to snag attention from men.

Forestieri, who used to be a TV reporter for Telemundo, cites numbers to back up her theories about the social trend. According to the Center for Disease Control, women ages 18-25 who report having had a bisexual experience has tripled since 1990.

Monday, I went out to the White Room (1306 N Miami Ave., Miami) for its latest weekly party Exposure, a new venture by the same people who have brought you Spiderpussy for the last, oh, I don’t know how many years but plenty. Confined to the small red room at the front, the space was packed, which lead to the infernal temperature inside and the cloud of cigarette smoke that irritated my eyes. If that sounds like fun, have at it.

A Monday night is a pretty difficult night to get people to go out, but if they can keep bringing in people, there could finally be a suitable bar party to replace Damaged, one of my all-time favorite weeklies held every Wednesday the Mark (now closed).

I was the type of kid who got nervous during show and tell. My face would turn crimson. I’d shuffle my Keds. I haven’t progressed all that much. So when I was invited to La Cosa Nostra, the perverse and profound late night Spanish-language show on America TeVe, my response was “Umm….”

My Spanish is far from perfect. I stammer when I speak English in front of a camera. In May, I wrote a New Times feature on the unpredictable and sexy show. The producers and cast were wonderfully open and accessible. There was no decent excuse for me not to be aside from televised embarrassment, which probably should have been enough.

Hey Coach Riley. Chris from the New Times here. Hi. Hello. How are you? Just wanted to drop you a note about tonight’s NBA Draft. If you’ve spent any time at all reading this here blog – and I know you haven’t – you know where I, dare I say we, stand on this whole Michael Beasley thing. You know, the kid with the 53.1 shooting percentage. The kid who averaged 26 points, 12.4 rebounds a game with a penchant for slamming each and every defense he faced right in the onions on a nightly basis. The kid who ranks higher than what Kevin Durant did this time last year. The kid that will be an unstoppable force in the NBA for years to come. You should totally draft that guy.

Remember how back in 2003 you wanted to draft Chris Kaman? There’s still a large contingent of Heat fans that think that was based on a dare. But it’s true. You seriously considered drafting the whitest man on earth. And while there’s nothing wrong with that per say (actually, unless he’s Larry Bird, yea there is), he’s not Dwyane Wade. Not by a long shot. The glory that was the 2006 season would have never happened. No Shaq in a Heat uniform, no Finals, no 15 Strong, no champagne, no parade down Brickell Avenue, no awkward white-guy dance in front of thousands forever immortalized on YouTube. Yet, you came to your senses and drafted D-Wade instead. And everything was rainbows and unicorns after that. Remember that? That was awesome.

When it seems like I've exhausted all of Wynwood, I stumble upon this mural along NW 6th Avenue. I slammed on my brakes and sat in my car for a minute thinking, "How the hell could I have missed this?" It was enormous, wrapping around a property that took up the entire block.

If the rumors are true that Pat Riley is lukewarm about drafting Michael Beasley, then perhaps Shawn Marion can help sort things out. Thanks to Marion’s choosing not to opt out of his contract last night, Riley suddenly has two major trade chips tucked in his $3,000 Armani suit pocket. He’s got Marion and he’s got the number two overall pick.

Let’s start the insanity.

One of the latest rumors has the Heat trading Marion and the number 2 pick to the LA Clippers for Elton Brand and LA’s number 7 overall pick. Word out of LA is that the Clippers really like USC guard OJ Mayo, and getting the No. 2 slot would secure them their man. Miami, meanwhile, would get a guy they’ve always loved in Brand, while giving Dwyane Wade a dominant inside presence he hasn’t enjoyed since Shaquille “How Does My Ass Taste?” O’Neil was here. With the number 7 pick at their disposal, Miami could then choose a top notch prospect who would help fill an immediate need. UCLA point guard Russell Westbrook, Arizona point guard Jarryd Bayless or even Italian forward Danilo Gallinari should still be there at seven.

I'm not sure if Shaq Fu's ass smells like ass or IcyHot but this weekend, O’Neal grabbed the mic and hit the audience of a New York Club with a freestyle and chorus that commanded, “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.” Ever the MC, Shaq also commented on Patrick Ewing’s lack of a championship ring – zing. He said that he’s "the difference between first and last place" - and peeping at the Heat’s season, double z’s. But the juiciest part of his lil’ rhyme was this:

"I'm a horse. Kobe ratted me out. That's why I'm getting divorced. He said Shaq gave a mil. I don't do that 'cause my name's Shaquille. I love 'em, I don't leave 'em. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed 'em."

Besides the fact that not even Lil’ Wayne could come up with heat like “I got a vasectomy, now I can’t breed ‘em” (wink), this rhyme seems like a true crime of passion. People in the audience say that O’Neal was laughing and smiling throughout his performance, and anyone who knows him can testify to his raucous sense of humor, but this hit on Kobe is a wee bit more than good-natured teasing between friends. You see, while embroiled in that rape scandal 4 years ago, Bryant made a comment about Shaq paying off his mistresses. Some (me included) say that Kobe was a beeyotch for even putting Shaq’s name into the fray, and judging from this recent flow, the big man still agrees. PR-wise, Shaq needs no press, so while a rap about going to practice or washing his balls wouldn’t have made as many headlines, he sure could have gone that route. But G.D. Shaq! I understand that you were minding your business, smashing off groupies/playing with your kids when Bryant threw you under the bus, but why is Kobe beef still on your menu? And the worst part? Word on South Beach is that Kobe’s announcement/evidence of his bitchassness/Shaq’s trickin’ off wasn’t all false. Kobe may have told ESPN, but I’m thinking that Miss Shaunie didn’t need Stuart Scott to tell her about her man’s extracurricular activities. But Shaq, you’re a pioneer and your personal fouls will teach future MVP’ers and Hall of Famers to keep stories of their conquests out of the locker room. Unless they want it splashed all across the evening news.

But mama don’t preach, because I’m on Team Shaq. And as the great Nasir Jones said, “Shaq’s my man, fuck Kobe.” So now, Kobe, tell me how MY ass tastes.

Update: Shaq has apparently taken up cycling since he moved to Arizona, because now he’s backpedaling on the meaning of those ferosh lyrics.

"Everyone that knows Shaq knows two things about me: One, that I'm a rapper, and two, that I'm a comedian. When I played with Kobe, me, him, Brian Shaw, J.R. Rider, we had freestyle sessions all the time. ... all in fun and we said crazier stuff than that. If I hurt anyone's feelings, I apologize."

Damn. But, I still want to know how his ass tastes, Kobe.

Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.

Michael Beasley has become something of a media-constructed anomaly. He’s gone from sure-fire NBA prospect, to immature troublemaker, to too small to be a star NBA forward, to too risky to draft because he once wore pajamas to the school cafeteria. Some have said he’s an immature jerk; others that he’s Kevin Durant with better rebounding skills. But there is one thing that is undeniable: he’s a talented player with the potential to change the recent fortunes of the Miami Heat from utter craptitude to NBA powerhouse for the next 12-15 seasons.

The reported vibe out of the Heat draft war room is that Pat Riley is lukewarm about taking Beasley with the second overall pick. Some reports have the Heat exploring two-for-one options such as swapping Beasley for another team’s draft-slot and a handful of veterans. And it’s no secret that Riley covets Memphis point guard Derrick Rose, who many expect to go first overall to the Chicago Bulls.

This was probably the crappiest week so far this year to be a bicycle commuter. The timing was consistent everyday: show up to work with the sunrise and end work in time for the deluge. Apocalyptic thunderstorms helped me celebrate the end of each work day by holding out until my ride home to kick off the party.

Miami’s regularly scheduled 3 and 4 o’clock summer rain showers help combat our ongoing drought situation, yet the afternoon downfall plunges me into one of the tragic aspects of being a cycling commuter in Miami: there’s virtually no transit alternative if you are car-free and caught in the rain.

One of Miami's best known blogs is saying farewell. Critical Miami, New Times' pick as Best Website of 2007, will no longer be updated but will remain live for those who still want to look through its archives. It's sole blogger, Alesh Houdek says in his final post:

The truth is that I started this site because I thought there was a need for it, and today the need is well covered by dozens of excellent sites, from Covert Overt to Miami Art to TM and EoM, and they’re all held together by Rick’s daily grind. I just don’t have desire to keep up with it all anymore.

Arguably, the site was one of the city's most popular blogs. However, Alesh isn't abandoning the blogsphere completely. He is starting a new project, a less locally focused blog called More Blog About Buidlings and Food.

- Jose D. Duran