Back on April 2, I wrote about Gregory “Silk” Thomas, a colorful character living on Miami Beach who's had more than his fair share of run-ins with the city’s PO-lice. Thomas, a tall man with graying dreadlocks and gold teeth, reached out to me after he was fired from his custodial job at 1100 Lincoln Center. According to the 45-year-old ex-con, he was let go because Walter Vimny, vice-president of the New York realty company that owns the Lincoln Center, received a phone call from an unknown person claiming Thomas was a thief. I recounted Thomas’ life, from his days as a pimp and a drug dealer to what led him to give up crime and his frustration with the harassment he gets from Miami Beach police officers.

Two weeks ago, videographer Jacob Katel and I caught up with Thomas to see how he was doing. He is still jobless and is still getting jacked by the cops, including a bullshit arrest this past June 8 while he was passing out flyers for scooter rentals to people walking on the 1600 block of Collins Ave. According to the police report, two officers saw Thomas dropping the flyers on the ground: “As the flyers were created for commercial purposes/economic gain the unlawful dumping was felonious and the defendant was arrested.” When the cops searched Thomas, they found a can of pepper spray in his pants pocket. They charged Thomas with two felonies of breaking Florida’s litter law and possession of an unlawful device by a convicted felon. Both charges were dropped on July 8.

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The sign hangs over a locked turnstile outside Dolphin Stadium, gently mocking hundreds of Marlins fans trapped in a winding gauntlet of fences protecting the handful of ticket sellers at Wednesday's divisional showdown against the Mets.
Lightning flashes. Torrents of rain darken the horizon. Clouds circle overhead. The line creeps forward two feet.

Welcome to Fan Appreciation Day, Dolphin Stadium style.

Why are the Marlins last in the NL in attendance again? Even the damn Pirates are drawing 4,000 more fans to every game. And they haven't contended since Barry Bonds weighed 185 pounds.

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UPDATE: Sorry, Fish fans dreaming of a summer watching Manny being Manny in Dolphin Stadium. Looks like the ManRam will be looking for the best place to take a leak behind the outfield wall in sunny Chavez Ravine instead.

According to ESPN, the eccentric slugger is headed to the Dodgers in a three-way trade with the Pirates.

The Marlins did swing one deadline-day deal, landing a useful but far less entertaining arm for their bullpen. - Tim Elfrink

The Florida Marlins, Boston Red Sox and Pittsburgh Pirates have all reached a tentative blockbuster deal that would bring talented and slightly off-his-rocker slugger Manny Ramirez to the Marlins. The Sox and Fish had been in serious talks about Manny since Wednesday afternoon. Ramirez, it seems, has worn out his welcome in Boston and had been hinting at a desire to be traded. Reports say that the Marlins will send Jeremy Hermida and possibly a prospect to Pittsburgh. The Pirates would then swing a couple of players to Boston, which in turn, would then send Manny to Miami.

The Palm Beach Post is reporting that the deal is all but done. However, ESPN’s Peter Gammons is saying the talks could last all the way to the trade deadline at 4 p.m. today.

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Hello, Kitty

In my 20s I was really picky about the guys I dated, they couldn’t be below a certain height, had to love R&B, etcetera etcetera. But now that I’m nearing that 40-year mark, I’m much easier to please. And now after a long search and a lot of breakups, I’ve found a man that I think is good for me. Among other things, he has a great job, he’s extremely supportive of my career, takes care of me when I’m sick, and has a great sense of humor. While those things are very important, he has some other qualities that don’t make me so happy. Without listing them all, I can say that he’s not very polished, sends illegible text messages, and often embarrasses me when we go out to eat anywhere that doesn’t have a drive-thru. I find myself correcting his grammar all the time, shaking my head at his lack of knowledge, and sometimes wishing that I was with someone more cultured. After 2 ½ years together I know that our relationship is on the road to marriage so I’m wondering if this is all there is for me. Should I “settle” with this guy?

Drienup Fast

Hi Drienup

Should you settle with this guy? Hon, that’s a question that I can’t really answer for you and one that I damn sure haven’t been able to figure out for myself; but since neither of those issues has stopped me before, here goes. Wait, what’s that noise? It’s whiny and boring… Wait; is that your matrimonial clock ticking? Between your talk of nearing 40 and wondering “if this is all there is for me,” you sound like a woman who’s ready to retire her thong and that shit is depressing. I understand the allure of having a husband, but jeez. Have you really waited all this time, searched high and low, and weeded through all the losers just to settle for someone that you don’t perceive to be on your level? Say it aint so, Drienup! And while you already know that you want three tiers (not four) on your wedding cake, has this guy even asked you to marry him? The truth is that he may not want to be with your haughty, hypercritical ass forever anyway. And if you’re not careful, your condescending attitude may cause him to look at you as no more than a temporary place for him to rest his nuts while he waits for a woman who thinks it's cute when he sends her a text that says "kan eye cum ovur?"

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Photo via WPLG Channel 10

Move over, Texas. A South Florida resident has officially submitted his challenge for most crackheaded plan of 2008.

In April, Dallas-area's Charles Ray Fuller saw in a stolen check an opportunity to grant himself a comfortable nestegg -- filling it out for $360 million dollars.

In Miami, our crackhead of the day is a bit less whimsical, but far more industrious.

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About 10 p.m. on Tuesday night, to my left TV news anchor Belkys Nerey smiled as her daughter was showered in 10,000 tiny bits of paper. To my right, a dignified Russian woman giggled nonstop as her 70-year-old mom was bonked on the head with a 20-foot diameter, air-pumped ball.

All around the grand hall of the half-billion-dollar Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Parts, fans guffawed as funky weirdness – in the form of Russian clowns -- made ‘em forget about recession and war….Slava’s SnowShow had come to town.

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Greetings from Massachusetts!

I don’t love to compare cities with awesome bicycle accommodations to Miami’s developing status, but I’ve been lucky enough to pedal around Boston this weekend and figured this would be a good chance to cover what’s going on outside of South Florida. I’ve not had the pleasure of bicycling a city outside of Miami, so while on vacation up here, I decided to try a first-hand experience. Here’s how it went:

I started in Waltham, a happy little township about 15 miles outside of Boston’s center. The town is along the Charles River, a waterway that winds into Boston proper. Along the river is the 17 mile-long Charles River Reservation, a park offering outlets to town along its route and a lengthy bicycle trail into Boston. The trail is gorgeously surrounded by trees, wildlife (I saw a wild bunny rabbit -- who knew those existed?) and a consistent view of the river. I easily forgot the commercial centers mere yards away from the path.

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Now it’s just getting ridiculous. The Marlins continue to prove that no lead is safe against them, no matter the competition, no matter the odds. With the NL East leading Mets in town, the Fish took the first game of a three-game set last night with yet another tap the opponent’s nuts with a sledgehammer come-from-behind victory. With Dan “The God of Thunder” Uggla leading the way, the Marlins rallied in the eighth inning to the tune of five runs, turning a 3-2 deficit into a 7-3 victory.

The win erases the Mets lead, while the Phillies are a half game behind them and the Marlins just one game behind. So thanks to the Marlins’ refusal to lose and the Mets’ and Phillies’ refusal to take hold of the division, the top of the NL East is a veritable mishmash of teams vying for first place. A hodgepodge, if you will. A jumble. A clutter. A big fucking mess. The NL East remains up for grabs. And the only thing Philly and New York should know from here on out is that no lead is safe.

- Chris Joseph

Cocaine Cowboys 2: Hustin' With The Godmother

(Rakontur)

On the DVD commentary of Cocaine Cowboys 2, rakontur director Billy Corben describes the aesthetic difference between CC1 and CC2 as East Coast versus West Coast. Because the first film revolved around Miami in the '80s, it was made to feel like Miami Vice. Jan Hammer did the score, and, as Corben has noted, the predominant color in the film was white. But with the central character of CC2 being a young black drug dealer from Oakland named Charles Cosby, the rakontur team turned to nineties films like Boyz n the Hood, Colors, Juice, and Menace II Society for a very California palette of orange and black; the music was commissioned from a Bay Area rapper named Incredible, and the film is sprinkled with archival footage from Oakland in the '80s.

If the distinction reminds you of the various Grand Theft Auto installments, it should. The DVD menu could easily be the opening screen of a Cocaine Cowboys video game, and the film’s skillful animation would fit right into the weeknight Adult Swim line-up. In short, the new film is much more consciously targeted to young males whose cultural universe descends directly from 1980s Compton.

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Hello, Kitty

How do I coax my wife back into wearing some sexy lingerie? She used to wow me every time she undressed, but ever since we (she) had our daughter all I see is granny panties, and even worse, sometimes my boxers. I thought it was a phase that she was going through with the new baby and all, but my daughter is 3 and still, nothing. She’s around 30 pounds heavier than when we met and I can tell that this bothers her, but it’s not the weight that bothers me – it’s what’s wrapped around the weight. I’ve tried dropping hints, buying her stuff, and steering her towards Victoria’s Secret when we’re in the mall – no dice. I’m not saying that I don’t love her anymore, just that I would love to see my wife in something sexy again – and so would my penis.

Prayin Forabra

Hiya

Well Mr. Forabra, you and your penis should have thought about wanting to see sexy panties and bras before you knocked your wife up. All you have to do is watch a little Oprah to know that women have a lot to deal with after the birth of a child, and lingerie isn’t anywhere near the top of that looong list. Between the changes in her body and the changes in her lifestyle, unless a woman has a team of stylists and a round-the-clock nanny, it can be hard for her to take things back to the way they were before a human being slid down her birth canal. Studies (Oprahhhh) have shown that some just aren’t as interested in being or act sexy immediately after a baby enters the relationship. Could be that the pressure of being responsible for a life makes one think about what’s actually important. Maybe your wife’s granny panties are her subtle way of saying, “leave me alone while I try to keep my daughter off the pole.” Or maybe she’s thinking that all your hankypanky is what got her into a diaper-changing, 3-in-the-morning-feeding, mommy-I’m-sleepy mess in the first place. But you didn’t ask me all of that, did you? Eh. Well before I get to your “dilemma”, let me ask you something: Have you lost your baby weight yet? And do you throw on a leopard g-string when it comes time to get down with the get down? Yeah, get back to me on that.

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The sky was falling on local hipsters the weekend, as The Vagabond was shut down by the fire department after an acoustic ceiling panel fell on a patron. Don't worry, I hear she's is doing fine. But Vagabond's closure didn't help an already lackluster weekend. Still, there were some hidden gems out there if you knew where to look.

Summer of Steel at Hooters Pembroke Pines

Johnny Louis

Our neighbors to the north are an odd bunch. Then again, in the land of strip malls and gated communities, there is little to do except than to gather at the local Hooters as BIG 105.9 FM DJs Paul and Young Ron hand out Harley Davidson motorcycles.

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Courtesy of Monica Glass

Departing Gen Art director Monica Glass and her successor Andrea Aberegg at the Chanel Ready-to-Wear Resort Collection at the Raleigh in May.

Since 1993, Gen Art has been organizing art and entertainment events in cities like Chicago, New York and Los Angeles. In 2002, the organization expanded to Miami and the rest was, as they say, history. The city wholeheartedly embraced the organization and the events it organized and sponsored.

Monica Glass took over the organization shortly after regional director of events Gigi Ganatra left the post after only one year, having been Gen Art Miami's only director ever since. Under Glass' leadership the organization quickly grew, executing events like Shop Miami, Fresh Faces in Fashion and Vanguard. However, her reign comes to an end this week, when Glass leaves the sunny shores of Miami to the smog-filled vacuum of Los Angeles -- call me bias if you want -- where she'll assume the position of national director of events.

New Times asked Glass a few questions about her new role, her favorite Gen Art events and what she'll miss most about the Magic City.

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Jipsy

Miami celebrated its 112th birthday Saturday at Edificio Jose Marti.

One-One-Two: Miami's Official Unofficial Surprise Birthday Party
July 26, 2008
Edificio Jose Marti

Better Than: Any birthday party you've ever been to -- ever.

Okay, with the whole town buzzing about it for months, the party really wasn’t that much of a surprise. And with cats such as Commissioner Joe Sanchez weighing in on its behalf (in writing!), it really wasn't all that "unofficial" either. But One-One-Two sure was one helluva party, all right, the kinda all-out blast only Miami can throw -- loud, proud and polyglot, and decidedly over the top!

Put together by a troika of indisputably active art ops -- Ralph de la Portilla, Octavio Campos and Theresa Amandi -- and packed with a cross-section of our town's most enlightened residents, One-One-Two not only marked the Magic City's 112th year in existence, it celebrated the wild array that has made those 112 years so indisputably spectacular.

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The Miami Herald isn't the only daily in the United States hurting these days because of lack of subscriptions and advertisers. But the question is, is the Herald doing everything in its power to hold on to its readership?

Random Pixels has a few ideas on how the Herald can win readers back -- how about a new design?

Check out blogger Bill's cover designs here and here.

- Jose D. Duran

Summer might seem like the enemy of Miami’s pretty people – just step foot outside and see how long your makeup stays intact. Just because it’s hot enough to melt a matte lipstick on your dashboard, doesn’t mean you should be stuck indoors. So look out weekend! Here we come -- there are some great beautifying events to see and do around town. Get in your car, crank that AC, go out and indulge.

The clock is tick-tick-ticking for Miami Spa Month, if you haven’t yet made an appointment, the last grains of sand are about to trickle through the hourglass. Visit their Web site to see what’s still available and where. You might luck out at a smaller, non-hotel niche spa like Uhma.

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