Helen Williams Probably Won't Be Our Next Mayor

Not much ink has been spilled on Helen Williams, Carlos Alvarez's opponent in the Miami-Dade mayoral race today. Maybe because she has no relevant political experience, or perhaps it's due to the fact that she's raised a little over $3,000 to Alvarez's $700,000. Or how about that she's picked up almost no endorsements. Let's tell it like it is: her only hope of winning would have been if a tape had surfaced of Alvarez snorting coke off a dead hooker's body with Fidel Castro.

But we commend her for upholding the spirit of democracy...Hey there's a 0.00001% chance that at the end of the day, when all the votes are counted, she could be our new mayor.

Which is why Riptide was thrown for a loop when WFOR's website today identified her only as a UPS courier. That's the first we've heard of that, and a job description we can't seem to find any other reference to in the local media, even on WFOR. Press decency usually dictates that reporters show a little bit of respect to even the most unlikely candidates by identifying them by their highest career achievements. Which in William's case would be "retired school administrator" (of course she's only retired because her teachers license was revoked a decade ago).

Last we heard Williams spends most of her time carrying on in the peanut gallery at school board meetings, but its possible she pays the bills by donning the UPS brown. You'd think all that door-to-door to experience would have helped with her campaign though.

Update: a commenter points out that CBS 4 is probably confusing Williams with Linda Stephens, who is challenging County Commissioner Barbara Jordan. If that's the case they didn't even get the courier right. Stephens works for FedEx.

-- Kyle Munzenrieder