Dan Marino on Dancing With The Stars?

In Touch reports that legendary Hall of Fame Dolphin quarterback Dan Marino is going to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars this September. In a related story, I’m reporting that my childhood has been crushed into a fine powder. Former Fin Jason Taylor just got done wrapping up his adventures in sequins and gyrating to the Monday Night Football theme as a contestant in May. Now, it’s apparently Dan Marino’s turn.

It hasn’t been made official yet, but In Touch is citing an inside source on the information. The official announcement of the new DWTS contestants will be made on August 25.

Now excuse me while I gouge my eyes out with an eggbeater.

... while I stick a pencil in my ear until it touches brain.

... while I thrust an umbrella up my ass and then open it.

... while I shove my face into a cactus plant.

... while I sit bare ass on an anthill.

... while I let a doctor perform unnecessary surgery on me and then leave his surgical tools next to my liver.

-- Chris Joseph