Grandmas Gone Wild
Who will clean up Miami-Dade and rid us once and for all of the terrible destruction Grandmas have done to our community? Forget Crips, Bloods or Latino Kings, these hooligans are the most feared gang now. If this week is any indication they're ramping up for a full fledged crime spree. On Monday one of these not-so-over-the-hill types was arrested for leaving two kids in the car while she was gambling. Now Paula Carrido, a 70 year old Grandma, has been charged with buying cocaine and marijuana on the streets, then trying to hide it in her bra.
Officials warn this scourge should be avoided at all cost. They're easily recognizable by the following gang paraphernalia: appliqued sweaters, Hanes Her Way support garments, and the faint smell of White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor perfume. Common crimes Grandmas are expected to commit include aggravated cheek assault, baking poisoned cookies, and hijacking local media coverage during slow news days.