Oh, the familiar shame: Miami sports fans again dissed, this time for being too sober
Westword, our sister paper in Denver, apparently has a lot of time on its hands as it recovers from that city's DNC hangover. Only that could explain their "Cities with the Drunkest Football Fans Tournament" -- which may be the most exhaustive collection of YouTube videos of hammered, burly, incoherently angry men in $60 jerseys ever compiled.
Once again, the Dolphins didn't make the playoffs. Once again, we're experiencing that oh-so-familiar feeling: disappointment but not surprise.
Dolphins' fans do share a division with Bills' fans- and one sober minute in Buffalo will shrink your soul like a raisin. But, come on, Dolphin Stadium's trash cans have been filled with their share of regurgitated Bud Light- the few fans that do attend are certainly not filing into that gulag for the quality football.
Maybe we're just not good at documenting our blitzedness. Following Westword's genius formula of typing "hammered", "fan" and "INSERT TEAM HERE" into YouTube, we only got one legit entry, and it likely doesn't even meet the tournament's regulations- ours is of a Miami ambassador of unruly solo smashedness being tossed from the Washington Redskins' stadium. An aside: maybe it's the solidarity talking, but does the whole bicycle-helmets-while-patrolling-on-foot thing not make Fedex Field cops look like mildly retarded children?
Of course, only judging Miami's football-related drunkenness by Dolphins' fans is sort of like judging Michael Jordan's athleticism only by by his baseball career. As any Sugar Bowl romantic can tell you in between gulps from his green-and-orange beer bong, University of Miami football attracts and breeds some of this nation's finest drunks. That's just how Sigma Chi does, bro: