Pigs Fly, Dolphins Hailed as Innovators of the NFL

To file under "Shit We Would Not Have Wagered A Single Nickel On One Week Ago": In offices cluttered with Xs-and-Os and in pungent locker-rooms across America, the nation's great offensive minds have been up late all week feverishly studying the latest mad geniuses of the National Football League.

The Miami Dolphins.

Believe it. The Fins shocked Sunday's reigning evil genius, Bill Belichick, and his cheating Patriots last weekend, winning 35-13 in Foxborough.

That the usually hapless Dolphins toppled New England, who fell one magical catch short of a perfect season last year, was shocking enough. That they did so with an innovative "wildcat" formation that could change the very face of NFL action is beyond flabbergasting. It's Sarah-Palin-As-VP, mind-bendingly, bad-mushroom-trip warped.

Now USA Today thinks the Dolphins success could lead to crappy teams around the league trying crazy formations, lining running backs up at QB and snapping directly to tight ends. Others are soothsaying the very end of grind-it-out, 3-yards-at-a-time, football-like-your-grandpappy-played it offense, all thanks to the Fish's derring-do.

OK, so the predictions of a flashy, no-holds-barred offensive revolution in the staid old NFL are probably way overblown. But the question remains: Who the hell are these guys? And where are our lovable, pathetic Dolphins?

-- Tim Elfrink