Black Friday Alternatives

Riptide does not understand this Black Friday nonsense, not one bit. We saw on the teevee news that people were camping out. What is this? Are the deals really all that much better? Personally we think the best way to spend black Friday is recovering from a hangover, but we have some other suggestions for you hear in a nice list format:

• Brush up on your modern art knowledge before Basel so you can impress that cute Parisian gallery assistant with your witty puns. "Buchheister? I barely knew her! Yuk Yuk Yuk!"
  
• Spend the day with your favorite gays and help them fill out adoption paperwork, and then lend a hand with converting the room that previously served as a Cher shrine into a nursery. 

• Study up on the candidates in the very important upcoming property appraiser run-off election. Do you know which candidate is going to appraise property best inline with your values?
• Join your local KKK friends as they grumble, "They've already got their damn president, you'd think they'd stop asking for their own Friday too." 
• Yeah, last time Yelle was in town you didn't make that polygon dog mask, did you? And you got there and you saw all the fun people were having in their polygon dog masks, didn't you? And you felt like a polygon dog mask-less chump, so spend the day making the official Yelle polygon dog mask in time for Yelle's set at Art Basel! Or better yet, make multiples and give them out as gifts, you mom will love it (because you made it and it came from the heart, and no matter what she says sometimes she will always love you and is proud of you and see's alot of herself - her good points and her own failings as a human and a parent - but she just wants you to be happy and she will gladly wear this mask, this polygon dog mask you made with your own two hands and glue stick as a representation of her maternal pride and love.)

--Kyle Munzenrieder