Republicans are Bald, Put On Your Whigs

Categories: Politicks
mayarudolphisakindofgod.jpg
"Madam, my whig has an H in it." "Well, my wig has a cruise ship in it, so you best step up your game."

During the grueling Democratic primary, the Republican party was more than happy to sit back and watch the Dems tear their own party apart from the inside. Ha. So much for that. Now it's the Republicans who are backstabbing each other, with conservatives blaming moderates for the loss and everyone trying to stake their claim for 2012. Seriously though, the party is just about in disarray at the moment.

Political historians have divided American political history up into five distinct party systems. These things tend to follow a pattern with each lasting about 30 to 40 years, and we are just about due for another one. The last three saw shifts in the dynamics between the Republicans and Democrats, but earlier shifts saw entire parties go extinct and new ones rise from their ashes. So maybe instead of trying to re-engineer the inner-workings of the Republican party, voters should leave it in mass. May we suggest the Modern Whig party?

Unlike most third parties, this one actually has a platform that many Americans can agree with. They're aggressive on America's energy independence while being concerned about the environment, and advocate alternative sources. They're for separation of Church and State, with the caveat that Christmas trees still be allowed in government buildings as long as other holidays get the same treatment. They want to pull out of Iraq and Afghanistan, leaving only a small contingent in the Kurdish areas of Iraq. They think that health insurance should pay for birth control, they think "the sexual orientation of the guy down the street has no bearing on anybody else's life," and when it comes to Abortion the admit that they're split but think "the bottom line is that this one particular issue should not be the sole basis for which political party people affiliate with." I'm sure someone could tear some of their positions apart if the tried hard enough, and there's a big step from having ideals and making them actually work and having the intended consequences, but we could easily imagine their platform gaining a huge contingency in the American electorate.

As a friend of mine said, "It's like their platform is talking to me like it's my pal."

The Florida wing only has 59 registered members, but nationally they have 10,000 members, and reportedly saw a surge of registration after the election. Pretty good for a party that isn't even a year old. Plus about half of that membership is currently in the Millitary. SUPPORT OUT TROOPS!

The also have a cute owl as their mascot.

Middle of the road moderates! Troops! Cute Owl!


--Kyle Munzenrieder


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