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This Week in Joey Porter's Mouth (and His Popcorn Muscles)

Categories: Sports
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Some Dolphins players take their success on the football field and use it to open restaurants and car dealerships and pose for NutriSystem ads. Others take the opportunity to run their mouth. We're not here to judge which is right, but we do know Joey Porter's nonstop trash talk is a lot more enjoyable (on a reality-TV type of level) than the ambiance at Dan Marino's in Sunset Place.

After the Fins' win against the Broncos, Porter let the world know how he felt about Denver wide receiver Brandon Marshall: "He's one of those soft receivers, where he has to have the ball all the time. If he don't get it, he's going to mope and cry. He did it to himself."

How did Marshall respond? With the ol', ummm, "popcorn muscles" comeback:

Joey Porter is one of those guys who, when you’ve got one of those guys that talk a lot of trash and just want to talk about people or put people down, they have their own insecurities. His insecurities, I don’t know, but he’s definitely one of those guys who, you know, all those muscles are popcorn muscles -- he’s soft. We hear stories floating around the league all the time about him, you know, in nightclubs dancing with his shirt off like a girl or on the playground getting beat up in California. He’s one of those guys that, you know, no matter how big he is, can get knocked on his butt. He’s soft, he’s soft at heart, and you can tell by the way he’s talking. His nickname is Peezy. I don’t know what “Peezy” is, Joey.

Porter is just a sad, little, shirtless girl on a California playground with his soft popcorn balls playing Peezy patty. At least "popcorn muscles" was original. Porter came back with the sly "he must be some sort of a homogay" defense: "You might want to watch him, making comments about another man's muscles -- that's not really what you want to do in a locker room.''

Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey. Barack Obama would not approve. Maybe you should spend your time exploring the wide world of strip-mall steak joints.

--Kyle Munzenrieder



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