Mr. and Mrs. Crist, We Got You Some Wedding Gifts

Categories: Politicks
Riptide started feeling really, really bad about all of these jokes we have been making about the wedding of Gov. Charlie Crist and Carole Rome. These are two actual people, with actual feelings for each other, who have decided to spend the rest of their lives together in holy matrimony (who aren't gay, which would be illegal. Thanks Charlie!) So we decided to get them some gifts. Ethics regulations be damned! Okay, maybe we bought a few of them before we had this change of heart, but it's too late to take them back -- they're already wrapped.    
125838191_m.pngNext time you two lovebirds decided to hightail it to Europe, this tin bank, available for $8 at Blue Q, will help you save up enough money to pay for it yourself, and not make taxpayers foot the bill.

17925.jpg (JPEG Image, 1600x1600 pixels) - Scaled (38%).jpgI guess you'll have to save this for your first Halloween as husband and wife, but we know how much you love chain gangs.

Charlie, when you started calling yourself "The People's Governor" we suspected you of swiping a page out of the playbook of former WWF Champion The Rock aka "The People's Champ." So here is this documentary video of all of his best moments to help you plan the rest of your political career. Hint: figure out how to do that thing with your eyebrow and ask people if they smell what you're cooking.

This is available here!
tanning bed.jpg (JPEG Image, 468x323 pixels).jpg
We're not sure. You might already have one of these. It's okay, just let us know. We saved the receipt.

51Y2QNQHG6L._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA240_SH20_OU01_.jpg This is just in case a Lil' Crist ever comes along. Haha, what? It's by Bob Graham. Well certainly it's not the same one you lost to by 26 percent in 1998. That would just be awkward.

SL10531-3rhino.JPG This isn't from us; it's actually from our crazy conservative friend.

2942426845_cab312e477.jpg (JPEG Image, 349x500 pixels).jpg We know you wanted to be John McCain's vice president so very, very badly, but then that Sarah Palin character came along and stole your spot. But all she got was public humiliation like this. Aren't you glad someone didn't make a video of you getting gang-banged?

-- Kyle Munzenrieder

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