Budget Crises May Force State to Abstain from Abstinence Only Education

By Kyle Munzenrieder Wed., Jan. 7 2009 at 2:06 PM

Categories: News

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The birth control method preferred by Jonas Brothers everywhere may be the next victim of the state legislature's special orgy of budget slashing. A plan to eliminate the remaining $600,000 allocated this year to abstinence only education and abortion-alternative counseling is being advanced in the Senate by Nan Rich, vice chair-woman of the Senate Health Appropriations panel, according to The Tampa Tribune.

While practicing abstinence may help you avoid the awkwardness of waking up next to a butter-faced and clingy Ohio State coed during Spring Bring and the embarrassment of experimenting with off lable uses for Dr. Scholl's wart remover, there's little if any indication that teaching abstinence only in schools does any good. Especially, if students aren't educated abut the proper use of rubbers, and such (plus who doesn't want to see their middle school science teacher roll a condom over a banana?).

Rich says, "It is a dismal failure, and that was the charge from the Senate president: Look for things that don't work, and let's take the money and use it in critical-need areas."

Though, the plan is anything but a done deal. It still needs approval by the full senate, and then the house. Plus there's all those "values" voters who are sure to call up their representatives in a red-faced fury, with more uncontrolled emotion than a 12 year-old girl in the front row of a Jonas Brothers concert.

--Kyle Munzenrieder