Saturday Night: Joel McHale at South Beach Comedy Festival

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Joel McHale loves pussy.

And not just the kind that sits in front of a plate of sauce-free spaghetti, but also the kind that belongs to his wife. That way, when it gets stung by a bee in the park while she's pregnant, he can totally use the story as material for his stand-up.

Just like he did last Saturday night at the South Beach Comedy Festival during a performance in which he admitted to adoring many, many more things. Like giving trashy reality shows new names such as "Huge Hefner's Merry Band of Albino Ho's" (The Girls Next Door) and "You Should've Been Aborted" (My Super Sweet 16). Comparing Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian to George Milton and Lennie from Of Mice or Men was a source of great joy for the host of The Soup. But his greatest adulation had to be the revelation that he could see boobs bronze for free on our model-filled beaches, which seemed to even surpass his devotion to his son, Eddie -- a toddler the comic is convinced feeds through photosynthesis and pretends to be a dog so he can take dumps in the McHales' garden.

And although tales of his cheap-ass Costco-gas-station-loving father and man-voice mother-in-law were humorous, no one tops McHale in blasting celebrities. Not even snarky wannabe's such as Ryan Seacrest, whom McHale is finally allowed to make eye-contact with in the hallways of E! and will one day slay Tom Cruise in order to gain the title of "president of the world."

And yes, you read that right, cast of Best Week Ever and Topanga (via The Dish) said "no one tops McHale." 

Well, okay, other than Mankini.

And Tyra Banks. But only if she goes undercover as an obese homeless person whose size of her ego can be topped only by the height of her forehead.
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