Cats Maul Mormons, Incite Furry Fandom

Categories: Sports
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P. Scott Cunningham
Things you learn sitting at the press table at an NCAA Division I Tournament game:
  • Keep your wife away from the winning mascot.
  • Sports journalists are an unattractive species. Citizens of humanity, I beg you: do not mate with these people. This gene pool needs to die out.
  • Apparently, the band Toto is big in the Southwest. During a critical timeout, the Arizona pep band launched into an unjustifiably enthusiastic rendition of "Africa."
  • 79% of male cheerleaders resemble cast members of Saved by the Bell.
  • The press area has a long table upon which multiple silver buffet trays are laid out...with nothing in them. But there is a great popcorn machine.
  • The other big perk is that someone walks up and down the press tables every ten minutes handing out free print-outs of the statistical break-down of the game as it stood about eight minutes ago, despite the fact that every journalist has a laptop and wireless access. Someone needs to tell the NCAA that this kind of paper-wasting is exactly what took Lehman Brothers down.
  • Oh, and a bunch of guys played basketball. Some better than others.

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