Why John Waters Is Not Reading This Blog

Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival

Filmmaker John Waters hasn't made a public appearance in Miami since 2002, when he screened the film Boom! at Art Basel, but the "Pope of Trash" is back, thanks to the organizers at the Miami Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

Waters will be performing his ongoing monologue "An Evening with John Waters: Filthier and Dirtier" live May 1 at the the Lincoln Theatre, followed by an appearance at the Shore Club for festival VIPs. The monologue, which Waters has been writing and rewriting for several years, dishes out secrets from his crazy early years in Baltimore up to the present moment, and if you don't think the event is worth your time, consider the following quotes from my phone interview with him a couple of days ago:
 
On blogs: "I only have so much time in a day, so I don't read them. Every person thinks they have a story to tell. They don't."

On film festivals: "What's the difference anyway between a gay film festival and a regular film festival? All independent films have some gay in them... I was reading that book Stuff White People Like the other day and I laughed out loud when I came across 'Film Festivals.'"

On the Internet: "It's ruined porn. You can't make any money from it anymore."

On MPAA ratings: "You can get an R rating for showing people smoking cigarettes, but it's OK in a PG-13 movie to have murder."

On HBO's The Wire: It was the best show on television since Pee-Wee's Playhouse, which was the best show on television since Howdy Doody.

If you want to read more, check out the April 30 issue of our print edition.