Are You A Musician With a Cult Like Following? Why Don't You Have a Stadium Yet?

Categories: Sports
After the news that Jimmy Buffet had partnered with the Miami Dolphins to rename Dolphin Stadium as "LandShark" Stadium, a number of other notable musician with cult-like followings looked up and said, "Wait, you can do that? Like, if you have enough money you can just pay to have a major city landmark renamed whatever you want? Seriously?" 

Riptide has exclusively learned that a number of other weird stadium renamings are in the works. This may be the biggest advent in music marketing since the advent of the "The Radiohead Model"



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Dollywood Arena

Dolly Parton is in the early stages of building a basketball arena directly adjacent to her Dollywood theme park in Pigeon Fork, Tenn. A new team, The Sweater Puppies, would join the American Basketball Association. All home games would be played with unique, flesh colored basketballs. The hoops would be decorate with sequined, satin nets and be slightly smaller than regulation hoops. So, at each game the crowd would be titillated with the possibility that the large, fleshy sphere could pop out of the tight shiny fabric at any moment. 

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The Ol' Dirty Bastard Memorial Ballpark

As part of a deal with their home town of Staten Island, Richmond County Bank Ballpark will be renamed the Ol' Dirty Bastard Memorial Ballpark. The locker rooms would be divided into 36 separate chambers, while the stadium's main tenant The Staten Island Yankees will be renamed the Killa Bees. Before every game an Iron Flag will be flown at half mast while an accapella version of C.R.E.A.M. is sung in remembrance of ODB. 



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Kling Klang Arena

The LTU Arena in Düssledorf, Germany is scheduled to be renamed Espirit Arena (is that still a clothing line?) in July, which is even a lamer name than Land-Shark. Though, Riptide has learned that the cities' most famous musical export Kraftwerk may step in with a deal at the last minute to rename the structure Kling Klang Arena after the group's famous studio. We're not really sure. There was a press conference last week, but in true Kraftwerk style the press-shy band sent their "robot" dopplegangers in their steed. 


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The Merriweather Post Pavilion Kickball Fields

The hipster-centric kickball league that calls Brooklyn's McCaren park home were trying to get the fields renamed the Merriweather Post Pavilion Kickball Fields after Animal Collective's latest album, until they realized that this is actually already the name of a place. Previous efforts to rename the fields the MSTRKRFT KCKBLL FLDS, the Arcade Fire Kickball Fields #1 (Tunnels), Kickball Fields (The DFA Remix), and the Neutral Milk Hotel Kickball Fields Over The Sea all flailed after everyone lost interest and Pitchfork awarded a Best New Music to someone else. 
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