Last night America found out the results in what many were too quick to paint as the next battle of the culture wars: American Idol's Adam Lambert vs Kris Allen.
Possibly gay, probable chonga
, California-bred Lambert came into the final as the Favorite against the young, Christian, non-threatening Allen from Arkansas. Pundits, including ol' Bill O'Reilly, couldn't help but frame it as a blue state/red state showdown.
Allen pulled off a "shocking" win, apparently. Though in retrospect it makes sense. The top three had two such dopey white guys who were faith worship leaders in their local churches. When one got knocked out, it only made sense all his voters would rally round the other. Though, that won't stop a thousand twitterers from grumbling about a "Christian voting block." Whatever, the red states can have their winner of a teevee talent show. We can have the Government. Sounds like a decent trade-off to me. As for Lambert, he walks away with a ton of devoted fans and a bright career in his future.
Nevermind the fact that any time the Idol top 2 comes down to a double XY showdown, the more masculine of the two: Clay Aiken vs that 500 lb dude everyone forgot about, Actual 12 year-old David Archuleta vs a full-bearded former bartender.
So anyway, Randall Lane over at the Daily Beast
decided to dig through VoteFair.org's Idol polling data
to see if there was an actual correlation. The thing is actual really painful to read but apparently Florida kept its new blue state status and went with Lambert. 72% in fact.
Riptide is no Idologist. Before last nights grand finale we've only seen two half-episodes of this season, so we're not really sure what we're talking about. Though, that's never stopped us before. So, no, we didn't vote, and didn't really care who won. We were busy mourning television's other great musical injustice of the night: Grizzly Bear getting bumped